Vern and his Diet!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Not too long ago Vern went to the vet and we found out his weight had skyrocketed to 108 pounds.  The vet was fine as long as he hovered around 100 pounds, but once she saw the 108, she declared that Vern needed to lose weight.  Unfortunately, this is a scene I am all too familiar with in my own life and I was determined to handle this with more grace and finesse than my mother.  Fat is the most heinous F word in the English language according to my mother and just the other day she was lamenting to me that we were all cursed with the fat gene.  The “we” lets me know that I am included in her thought process and a member of the fat group list she keeps in her head.  Well, no way was I going to tell Vern he was now a member of this club, so I explained to him on the ride home that the vet meant to use a different F word, fluffy, and he was just overly fluffy. I could tell by the way he wagged his tail that he thought fluffy was a fun word.

I'm Vern and I'm Fluffy!

Now, I will take some of the blame for Vern’s fluffiness, but I really feel like Fudge is almost 90% to blame for Vern’s heftiness.

It's Not my Fault!!  I'm innocent!

I will hear no arguments that I should be in charge.  I could leave food out all day and neither dog will touch it until dinnertime.  An opened bag of dog food would not entice them either and neither dog gobbles up their food when we finally put it down. They want to eat at dinnertime….period.  Fudge is one of those dogs that never gains weight and eats like a little bird and is not ruled by thoughts of getting enough to eat.  The problem is when I put their food down, Fudge won’t eat until the stars align, the kitchen is quiet, and a rather large fluffy dog has vacated the area.  She doesn’t guard her food or anything of that sort, she just prefers to be alone.  I feel the same way when I eat my morning oatmeal and I hate when other people are coming in and out of the kitchen and please, not one question until my oatmeal is finished.  While we are on this topic, I can one up Fudge, because I also like the TV to be on something I want to watch if I am in the kitchen and nothing irks me more than to be searching for a Modern Family rerun and hear some stupid show come on in the living room that I do not want to watch.  On Saturday mornings, it could be Norm’s voice from This Old House.  It makes no difference that time and time again I have said the only Norm I want to hear with a Boston accent is the one that parks himself on a bar stool on Cheers, no one seems to care. Don’t get me started on Sunday nights when he remembers 60 Minutes is on, or as I like to call it 59 Minutes Too Long, and the sound of that ticking clock fills the downstairs accompanied by my groans.

 

So, I definitely get that we all have our own hang ups when it comes to eating, but Fudge’s need for privacy and Vern’s tendency to keep track of what Fudge is doing and eating is not a great combination.  Many nights you will find me imploring Fudge to eat as she makes her familiar loop through the living room, dining room, and kitchen, trying to decide if everything is “as she likes it” or another loop is needed or if she should just return at a later time. We have all hurried up and eaten at one time or the other because the looping and pacing can drive you quite mad and is the equivalent of someone standing over top of you and screaming, “HURRY UP!” as you try and enjoy what you are eating.  I think it is a testament to my strong will that I am able to consume the number of calories I do.  Come to think of it, Fudge may be the reason I am overweight, because I am bound and determined to not let her push me out of my own kitchen.  I’ll show you who’s boss. I am going to have another cookie and take my time.   I think you can all see my point and see now why I blame Fudge for anyone being overweight in our household.

Guilty as charged! I'll eat later.....right after my nap!  Being skinny is hard work!

Well, since the vet’s recommendation, I have cut Vern’s food down considerably, measured every morsel, done a much better job of watching who gets what, and put all food up at night.  Imagine my surprise when having done all this, Vern’s next vet checkup found him one pound HEAVIER!  So, back to the drawing board, and I went out and got Fromm’s Weight Management food, cut it back a tad more, and anxiously took Vern in for another appointment and Vern had gained another pound. Oh, and guess which skinny dog preferred the lower calorie food....not Vern. Vern turned up his nose at it for a couple of days, much like I do when someone puts a piece of grilled fish and broccoli on my plate and says, "eat it and like it."

Don't judge me, people!

Back to Vern's unexpected weight gain, when this happens to me at the Doctor’s office, I can blame my shoes (no comment) or the heavy clothes I am wearing, and I have the liberty of saying to the person weighing me, “deduct 10 pounds right now for clothes and shoes, or I strip naked and have you re-weigh me in my birthday suit.”  Unfortunately, Vern doesn’t have that option, since he is already au naturel when he gets weighed. Keep in mind we walk in ALL weather and have continued to do so even with this hard winter.  The vet does not think it is his thyroid because he does not meet the other symptoms and in fact, when she asked if he was lethargic, I said, “we wish!” Vern is the busiest dog I know and is not a couch potato by any definition of the word.  The vet was not too upset and said she did not want Vern to lose the weight too quickly and I told her that based on that criteria, it was pretty safe to say Vern was not going to have that problem and seemed to be on the right path.  Of course, my mom said Vern has that dreaded fat gene that she feels runs in our family and seemed able to ignore the fact that Vern is not a blood relative. 

 

Oh, and in case you are wondering, green beans are not the answer for Vern’s diet.  He hates them.  The dog that will eat grass, mud, sticks, Kleenex, and goose poop, draws the line at green beans.  Go figure!  As of now, I am not willing to cut his food down anymore and we have tried to increase his exercise.  If anyone knows of a good DVD workout for dogs, please let me know.  We tried the Pussycat Dolls DVD, but once Vern found out it wasn’t real cats, he lost interest.  All the Golden Retrievers in Sweatin’ with the Goldies just made him stare at the TV and bark.  My friend came over yesterday and hadn’t seen the dogs in quite some time and immediately said that Vern was three times the size of Fudge.  I guess her comment brought back the time one of the residents at the Assisted Living Place where I volunteered said that two of her made one of me and I asked if I was allowed to slap an old person, which made her laugh all the harder.  I told my friend that we were against the F word in our house and when she got a puzzled look on her face, I explained I meant F-A-T.  She said she was happy I clarified since she originally thought this was another example from me of do as I say and not as I do.

 

 

Hopefully, Spring will be here soon and with that, more exercise for Vern.  I have not ruled out the treadmill and already explained to John if I have to increase our daily walks from two to three, I won’t have time to cook dinner.  All he said was he knew somehow that was coming.

My mom told me girls like fluffy!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Michelle!

[Miss Ellie]

Oh I love fluffy and if 'fluffy' looks good on anyone it is most definitely sweet Vern...all the more to cuddle & love...I think you & Fudge are perfect just the way you are:)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Joanna. Vern wants you to know to add two pounds :) LOL

Jane, I hope you are right. I need to lose this winter weight too. Thank you!

Karen, Thank you!! He is cuddly :)

Pat, I can't believe that Trav causes you a bit of trouble :) Sometimes, I think Fudge is the oddest little dog ever. Maybe Trav and Fudge are kindred spirits.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nancy, I love how you feed your dogs. LOL I hate to think of my sweet friend Clancy being hungry. Why can't someone invent a great tasty food with no calories :) Yes, Vern sneaks some of Fudge's food, but we have been paying better attention to all of that and trying to get Fudge to realize we are not leaving her food out all night and to just eat already :) I like that.....thick....Vern is thick :)

Jennifer, That's the food I put Vern on, but I have never added wet food. Vern is ok with the food, but prefers the other flavors. Glad it worked for Jack. YAY!!

Nancy, I know....and summer is just around the corner :)

Thanks, Charlotte. I bet the summer weather will help all of us.

Thanks, Lonnie!

Stella, Your dogs sound just like mine. Fudge has stayed the same weight for years. I am sure the agility will help Hartley lose the weight. Good luck!!

Donna, LOL to the nudist colony. No thanks....mainly because I don't want to sit on the same furniture someone else sat on :) Yuck! I see you had more snow. Double Yuck!! I hope Spring is just around the corner for all of us! Vern thanks you!

F, Vern is going to get a shave down soon, but mainly because he rolls and always looks bad :) Poor Calla. She is beautiful just the way she is.....I blame Luca....he won't let her have the ball :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Robin, Sounds like Libby is doing much better on her diet than Vern. LOL I wished he liked green beans. He looks like you beat him when you put them in his bowl. Vern thanks you!

Sheri, I have done everything with those darn green beans, but put butter on them. LOL Hot or cold...he hates them. We do lots of walking. Maybe I need to find some stairs. Yes, according to the back of the bag, Vern could have so much more food. It is exercise for him, too. The swimming in the summer will help.

BG, Thank you!! LOL...Vern doesn't fetch either. He does it once and if Fudge doesn't take the ball out of his mouth, he hides with it. He does like to swim  and that will help this summer.

Cheryl, Vern says thanks to Finn. I like that.....snow weight :)

Sue, Why not...I do hate those geese :) LOL

DJ, Vern looks at the bowl like I loaded it with poison. LOL Thanks about the pictures. Chance is perfect just the way he is!

Camilla, Thank you!! Nope to the treats...he gets a few at the end of the night when he goes out. I get more treats than Vern. LOL

F, I have stopped giving him treats for waking me up :) I can play hardball with these  Doodles. LOL

Nancy, I am blaming my mother and genetics for everything. Tell Clancy to follow my lead :)

Bonnie, I have seen him wet...it's not the hair. LOL

[Robin and Libby Louise]

I love "fluffy" - Vern, you are perfect!  The vet was adamant that Libby lose a few pounds after he determined that her limping was caused by a lower back strain (yes, she jumped off a deck instead of using the steps).  She only gets 1 cup of food twice a day so I think her mommy was giving her way too much in the way of snacks.  But after a few months she has lost 5 pounds and there is no more limping.  Luckily she likes romaine lettuce and green beans - but I had to stop her mommy from giving her little tastes of Haagen Dazs vanilla ice cream!  We love you Vern, fluffy, non fluffy, whatever!

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

My first response is here is what I found helped Lucy ... January on the beach in Florida in a 3 story town home.  Lots of walking and stairs an we finally got a couple of pounds off of her as well as helped with her CCL repair leg getting muscled up!  So, there you go girl ... off to Florida you go.  Now on a serious note, not that I wasn't serious with that, it did help, but did you heat the green beans.  My girls won't eat them cold, but will eat them cooked.  However, Lucy doesn't really need them as she doesn't even always finish all her food.  Which is what drives me crazy.  I've dropped her food down to 1.5 cups twice a day which falls into the category of a 40-60 lb dog (3 to 3 3/4 cups for 40-60 lbs)  Lucy was at 82 lbs.  The weight isn't falling off even at that.  Lucy doesn't even always eat that much.  The amounts on the bag are being written by people trying to sell dog food, so don't let the cutting the amount down make you feel bad.  We have had Lucy thyroid tested and she is fine.  So, it is just exercise for her.

[BG and Gavin]

Vern, once the snow melts, your mom can put you on the tennis ball program and the weight will melt off.  Either way, you are a big gorgeous guy and we love you!

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Finn here, Tell your mom and vet, It's just a little bit of "snow weight!" My mom and I have it too :) And I eat like Fudge!  Too much winter couch time, mom says.  Green beans, NO thanks!  Not even if she leaves me on a desert island with nothing else to eat. Once we get back to chasing birds, squirrels, and balls outside in the sun, we'll be looking good. 

[Sue & Lily Grace]

Fluffy, I love Fluffy. I think I would blame the geese!