Vern and the Contractors!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I love the show House Hunters on HGTV. It always amazes me when a young couple has a million dollar budget and million dollar demands. When we bought our first house, we walked in, took one look, and wrote a contract that day. I wasn’t worried about popcorn ceilings, en suites, or the color of the walls. Up until that point, we lived in a third floor apartment and I was tired of lugging two kids and laundry down to the basement to do a load of laundry in the community laundry room. All I wanted was my own washer and dryer. Years later when I had to go house hunting for Megan, she went on and on about finding the right home in the right school district and kept implying that she was sure dad and I were equally concerned when we went looking for our first house. I can still see the look of horror on her face when I finally said, “Megan, I never even asked about the school district. All I cared about was getting a washer and dryer! We were fine with you going to a one room school house that topped out at eighth grade, if I didn’t have to go to the bank for a roll of quarters every time I needed to do laundry.”

Our house hunting skills have not improved since those days and when we bought the home we are living in now, both of us walked in the day the contract was signed and said, “where is our other shower?” Turns out, we only had one bathroom with a shower and another bathroom with an enormous tub on the main floor. The bathroom with the shower we both swore was on the basement floor was missing and since we are sure we are not so stupid as to buy a house with only one shower, we can only assume we were robbed prior to moving in. Which leads us to today and the contractors we have hired to rectify the situation.

On a good day, Vern barks at people walking by our house, people thinking about walking by our house, or people in their homes maybe thinking about taking a walk soon. Vern is never off duty and takes his watchdog duties very seriously. He also seems to lack the ability to differentiate between people he has already met and people he has never met. It is like his short term memory is shot and every day is a new day for Vern. Every person is a stranger upon entering our home and has to be re-evaluated every time they walk through the door. One time, my uncle who stayed with us every Thanksgiving and had been in the house for days, came up from the downstairs in the middle of the night to get a bowl of cereal and Vern woke the entire household to alert us to the stranger in the house. In Vern’s defense, when John ran out to see what all the commotion was about, he said he was scared of my Uncle Bob too, because his hair was standing up in every direction and he was only wearing his boxers. Plus, he never uttered one word to Vern and seemed hell bent on getting that bowl of cereal. All I know is I was glad I had waterproof mattress protectors on every bed that night. We all took a vote the next day and voted that Uncle Bob stay in bed where he belonged at night or I was going to have to crate him in Vern’s old crate.

Well, the contractors have been in the house for one week now and Vern is still barking at them as they come in and out the door. I have explained to Vern it is the same three men he has seen for a week, but he still feels it is better to be safe than sorry. I couldn’t ask for a nicer group of men to be in the house and they all love dogs, but all Vern knows is they don’t belong here. Added to that is the fact that it hasn’t stopped raining in days and they walk in wearing hoodies and hats and Vern is exhausted at night trying to keep them all straight. One day, one of the workmen came in through the bathroom window to save time and later appeared in the living room seemingly out of nowhere. Thankfully, he assured me he would only do that during working hours, but it was almost comical to watch Vern process what just happened and offer up a bewildered bark or two. You could just see on his sweet face that this was getting to be too much for even his watchdog abilities. Meanwhile, Fudge sidles up to anyone who stops walking long enough and acts as if she has not known the loving touch of a human ever in her life. Between Vern’s barking and Fudge the love sponge, is it any wonder they have started shutting the door as they work in the bathroom? I did hear one of the guys saying, “good ol’ Vern,” as I was explaining to Vern one day that he really needed to pace his barking or I was going to lose my mind.

I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it when my bathrooms are done. It’s only been a week, but some days I have to remind myself of that more frequently than others. I am praying Vern starts remembering facial features soon or gets laryngitis. If I thought name tags would help him remember, I would insist the workmen wear them, but then again, maybe Vern needs glasses.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I think you may have nailed it, Karen. I, too, watch a lot of Law & Order - can't believe I missed that "diagnosis"!

[DonMarie and Picco]

I'll have to side with Vern here.  Gotta keep those workmen in place & on their toes whether you know them or not.  Especially when they don't use doors!  And same with the relatives!

[Lisa & Sunny]

Vern sounds a bit like Drew Barrymore's character in the movie "Fifty First Dates"  :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

My dogs bark at people walking by, ocassionally at trucks etc. But let someone come to the door and no sooner does it open then they happily maul the newcomer with excitement and welcome. Go figure. So a little bit of Vern might be a good thing. Good luck with the bathrooms but I don't envy you the process.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

You know, it occurs to me that the problem might be similar to what is referred to in court cases (I watch a lot of Law & Order) as "cross race identification problem", in which people are more easily able to recognize the faces of members of their own race than those of people of other races. Maybe Vern, JD, and Deanna's DD's dogs have "cross species identification problem"! 

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Poor Vern! He obviously suffers from prosopagnosia. I think it is a common occurrence in dogs. My daughter's two dogs have it - they clearly don't recognize the pool guy and the gardener even though they come to the house weekly. They are clever dogs, though, despite their "face blindness". So that they don't wear themselves out barking, Lucy barks at the pool guy while Jack relaxes; on gardener day, it's Jack's turn to bark. Love their teamwork.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Every time I see or hear about Vern, I love him even more. How can you not love anybody for whom "every day is a new day?" I think he needs his own reality show.

JD first met my adult stepson Sean 4 days after I adopted him. That was more than 11 years ago. My stepson visits at least twice a year and has often stayed with us for extended periods of time. Jack barks at him every time he walks into a room, even if he just left that same room 30 seconds ago. Even if prior to Sean's leaving the room, Jack was lying in his lap. I've given up trying to understand it, although if I ever win the lottery, I might pay the canine behavioral specialist's $300 per hour fees to finally get an explanation. For now, I'm going to go with your theory: Every day is a new day for JD, too. :)