Vern, The Class Clown, Gets Reprimanded by the Head Mistress, Fudge!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Yesterday was one of those days.  I am going to out myself as the worst dog trainer ever in the history of dog trainers.  Something is happening with my Vern.  It all started with the lifting his leg to pee incident.  I have noticed he now likes to go over the spot where Fudge goes and today, for the first time ever, he backpedaled after he went to cover the spot.  Unfortunately, since it was his first time, his timing was a little off and he almost did a face plant in the process.  None of this is earth-shattering news, but combined with the rest of my story, I am beginning to think I have a juvenile delinquent on my hands.

We went for our long walk in the woods and I stopped to let Vern go down the slide at the kiddie park. 

Fudge was content to sniff the ground and look for squirrels. I let Vern off leash and was hoping to get some good action shots of him coming down the slide.  He was beyond excited at the prospect of coming down that slide as many times as he wanted and it wasn’t easy to get him to stop at the top so the camera woman could get set up.  Well, after I checked the first few shots it was apparent that Vern’s manhood had made another appearance and only the shots from a certain angle would ever see the light of day. 

We didn’t fare much better at my fall photo op, so I opted to put my camera away and try again another day. 

I kept asking myself, “What happened to my little sweet Vern?”

 

Later on in the day, we decided to go for another walk.  Many times, when Vern and Fudge hear me get my car keys, they raid their toy box for something to bring along.  Since most of the stuff gets dropped out in the yard to be tripped on at a later date, I always make them drop it before exiting the house.  Yesterday, Vern got the slip on me and bolted out of the house with an antler in his mouth.  Now, keep in mind, Vern is my people pleaser dog. He likes to make you happy.  He usually complies with most requests and if you use your “happy voice,” he will bend over backwards to make you happy.  Well, not yesterday.  He took off like a bat out of hell with that antler and flew through the yard with me hot on his heels.  I commanded him to drop that antler and I did not use my “happy voice,” and he looked me right in the eye, wagged his tail, and if he had any fingers, I got the feeling he would have stuck one up in the air.  Every time, I got within a few feet of him, off he went with that antler and a smug look on his face.  Our dogs have spent months booby-trapping our yard and with all of the fallen leaves, I knew my life was in peril with every step I took.  It was only a matter of time before I came across a hidden hole, a lost dog toy, or something squishy under my shoe, but I persevered, determined to win this battle of the wills between my dog and me.

Well, what Vern didn’t know was I had a secret weapon and her name was Fudge. 

Fudge was already in the car watching all of this go down and she must have decided she was going for that walk one way or another.  I also think she realized I was in over my head and I feel it was the cursing and cautious running combined with the empty threats of, “Vern, if I ever catch you, you are going to be a mail order dog for some lovely family,” that tipped her off.  All of a sudden, Fudge leapt out of the van and around and around the two dogs went.  One dog bent on keeping his prized antler and one dog determined to stop the madness.  I cheered Fudge on from the sidelines and yelled out encouragement, “get him, Fudge!”  Sure enough, Fudge got him, issued him a couple of corrections that I was sure meant, “drop the antler and get in that damn van,” and as I approached and tried to steal some of Fudge’s thunder and give the illusion that I was still in charge, I yelled for Vern to sit.  He went into an immediate down, which by this time I conceded was close enough, and I took the antler and threw it inside the house.  Just in case there are those of you out there who do not think I was tough enough, let me just say in my defense, I let Vern know he was a very bad dog and I only smiled once when he wagged his tail and tried to give me a kiss.

 

For a moment there, when Fudge jumped to my defense it took me back to those years of parenting when one daughter sensed our displeasure with the other daughter and moved in for the kill.  I know most parenting experts probably advise you against pitting one child against the other, but personally, anytime anyone was willing to side with me, I was all for it.  Our daughter, Megan, was ornery and knew which buttons to push on her mother to get a reaction.  Whenever she and I got into it, Hayley, our youngest, would sidle up to me and say something like, “mom, I love you….mom, I’m being good, aren’t I?....mom, I don’t like what Megan is saying.”  This infuriated Megan and once when we were driving somewhere, she asked Hayley if she was having trouble seeing.  As usual, Hayley fell into her oldest sister’s trap and replied that she could see just fine and Megan countered, “Oh, I was just wondering because you have your head so far up mother’s behind.”  It was times like this, I had to pinch myself and remind myself that I was the one these children were looking to for guidance and try not to laugh.  I felt the same way yesterday with Vern. 

When John got home last night, I was sitting on the couch singing made up songs about my dogs into my elf microphone. 

I told him it was either that or drinking and he said he really would prefer to come home to a drunk.  I recapped my day and told him how great Fudge had been and how Vern had trouble listening.  As he sat there rubbing Fudge, he started laughing and said to Fudge, “I can just see your mother correcting Vern.  Vern, I am telling you 500 times if you don’t stop that, there is going to be big trouble.”  I was sitting right next to him and he was bad mouthing me to our dog like I was in another room.  Where was Hayley with her, “mommy, I don’t like what daddy is saying,” when I needed her?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Hi Lynda :) Yep....I am at it again..LOL!!

Nancy, Thank you! Yes, I blame it on the Doodles, too. It has nothing to do with us!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

How did I miss this post?  As usual, funny, funny, funny.  My guys have gotten so lax in their reactions to commands.  (Notice how I placed that blame?)

[Lynda Kamrath]

Yeah, Laurie, you are at it again.  Keep up the good work.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, I see you are on a roll today!! I am not ashamed to say I love my elf microphone : ) LOL

[Donna K & Quincy]

If Fudge can outsmart Vern and Vern can outsmart Laurie, what does this mean? It means they had people like Laurie in mind when they made that elf microphone. :>)))))))))))

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I am sure that if Leslie is not off somewhere jumping over a fire pit or wrestling in the mud, she wouldn't miss it!   

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Absolutely, Karen!! I fear you may be the only one to show up.....maybe Leslie....LOL!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Yay! Do I get backstage passes?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, I LOVE our new name. I see an act forming soon and your area will be our first stop on the tour :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Well, it's a different music genre, but you could call yourself "Laurie and Vernilla Fudge"!

Psychedelic might work better for elf voices than Motown, anyway!