Vern, The Class Clown, Gets Reprimanded by the Head Mistress, Fudge!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Yesterday was one of those days.  I am going to out myself as the worst dog trainer ever in the history of dog trainers.  Something is happening with my Vern.  It all started with the lifting his leg to pee incident.  I have noticed he now likes to go over the spot where Fudge goes and today, for the first time ever, he backpedaled after he went to cover the spot.  Unfortunately, since it was his first time, his timing was a little off and he almost did a face plant in the process.  None of this is earth-shattering news, but combined with the rest of my story, I am beginning to think I have a juvenile delinquent on my hands.

We went for our long walk in the woods and I stopped to let Vern go down the slide at the kiddie park. 

Fudge was content to sniff the ground and look for squirrels. I let Vern off leash and was hoping to get some good action shots of him coming down the slide.  He was beyond excited at the prospect of coming down that slide as many times as he wanted and it wasn’t easy to get him to stop at the top so the camera woman could get set up.  Well, after I checked the first few shots it was apparent that Vern’s manhood had made another appearance and only the shots from a certain angle would ever see the light of day. 

We didn’t fare much better at my fall photo op, so I opted to put my camera away and try again another day. 

I kept asking myself, “What happened to my little sweet Vern?”

 

Later on in the day, we decided to go for another walk.  Many times, when Vern and Fudge hear me get my car keys, they raid their toy box for something to bring along.  Since most of the stuff gets dropped out in the yard to be tripped on at a later date, I always make them drop it before exiting the house.  Yesterday, Vern got the slip on me and bolted out of the house with an antler in his mouth.  Now, keep in mind, Vern is my people pleaser dog. He likes to make you happy.  He usually complies with most requests and if you use your “happy voice,” he will bend over backwards to make you happy.  Well, not yesterday.  He took off like a bat out of hell with that antler and flew through the yard with me hot on his heels.  I commanded him to drop that antler and I did not use my “happy voice,” and he looked me right in the eye, wagged his tail, and if he had any fingers, I got the feeling he would have stuck one up in the air.  Every time, I got within a few feet of him, off he went with that antler and a smug look on his face.  Our dogs have spent months booby-trapping our yard and with all of the fallen leaves, I knew my life was in peril with every step I took.  It was only a matter of time before I came across a hidden hole, a lost dog toy, or something squishy under my shoe, but I persevered, determined to win this battle of the wills between my dog and me.

Well, what Vern didn’t know was I had a secret weapon and her name was Fudge. 

Fudge was already in the car watching all of this go down and she must have decided she was going for that walk one way or another.  I also think she realized I was in over my head and I feel it was the cursing and cautious running combined with the empty threats of, “Vern, if I ever catch you, you are going to be a mail order dog for some lovely family,” that tipped her off.  All of a sudden, Fudge leapt out of the van and around and around the two dogs went.  One dog bent on keeping his prized antler and one dog determined to stop the madness.  I cheered Fudge on from the sidelines and yelled out encouragement, “get him, Fudge!”  Sure enough, Fudge got him, issued him a couple of corrections that I was sure meant, “drop the antler and get in that damn van,” and as I approached and tried to steal some of Fudge’s thunder and give the illusion that I was still in charge, I yelled for Vern to sit.  He went into an immediate down, which by this time I conceded was close enough, and I took the antler and threw it inside the house.  Just in case there are those of you out there who do not think I was tough enough, let me just say in my defense, I let Vern know he was a very bad dog and I only smiled once when he wagged his tail and tried to give me a kiss.

 

For a moment there, when Fudge jumped to my defense it took me back to those years of parenting when one daughter sensed our displeasure with the other daughter and moved in for the kill.  I know most parenting experts probably advise you against pitting one child against the other, but personally, anytime anyone was willing to side with me, I was all for it.  Our daughter, Megan, was ornery and knew which buttons to push on her mother to get a reaction.  Whenever she and I got into it, Hayley, our youngest, would sidle up to me and say something like, “mom, I love you….mom, I’m being good, aren’t I?....mom, I don’t like what Megan is saying.”  This infuriated Megan and once when we were driving somewhere, she asked Hayley if she was having trouble seeing.  As usual, Hayley fell into her oldest sister’s trap and replied that she could see just fine and Megan countered, “Oh, I was just wondering because you have your head so far up mother’s behind.”  It was times like this, I had to pinch myself and remind myself that I was the one these children were looking to for guidance and try not to laugh.  I felt the same way yesterday with Vern. 

When John got home last night, I was sitting on the couch singing made up songs about my dogs into my elf microphone. 

I told him it was either that or drinking and he said he really would prefer to come home to a drunk.  I recapped my day and told him how great Fudge had been and how Vern had trouble listening.  As he sat there rubbing Fudge, he started laughing and said to Fudge, “I can just see your mother correcting Vern.  Vern, I am telling you 500 times if you don’t stop that, there is going to be big trouble.”  I was sitting right next to him and he was bad mouthing me to our dog like I was in another room.  Where was Hayley with her, “mommy, I don’t like what daddy is saying,” when I needed her?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I actually bought a couple and gave one as a gift :) LOL I use it almost daily. I have noticed John does not dance when I sing. WTD!! I even have the Elf hat that plays music on your head. We do love our "naughty boys." Thanks, Jane.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

The Merry-Okee Karaoke microphone.....really Laurie?  I saw this in the store the other day and thought....who the h@#& would buy that thing.  I forgot about you.  I'm laughing at Vern peeing over the spot where Fudge went.....Murph does the same thing with Guinness.  I think it's their way of saying.....I'm sick of you being the "goody, goody" dog and I just want you to know that I'm the big, bad boss around here.  Somehow though we all seem to love the "naughty boys".  Love you Vern....thanks for the morning blog fun, Laurie.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, How can we work Fudge into that name, too? LOL

Charlotte, Good question...LOL!

Lisa, I can't wait to tell my family that you think I never get mad. You should see me drive...LOL!! Thank you!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Seriously, I know I am wrong because she is human, but I really choose to believe that Laurie is never really mad at anyone let alone Vern. Apparently Fudge is the only disciplinarian.

Loved this as usual.

[Charlotte and Bo]

Why is it that their ( I've got something I'm not supposed to have) face is the one that makes you smile the most. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

No need to work on the name, kid; it's gotta be "Laurie and the Verndellas"!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I really do feel for all those people who lost their power again. I am telling you I would be on the news being carted away in the nut mobile. It really isn't fair.  Now, I am not going to compete with you for world's worst dog trainer title. We would only embarrass ourselves. I have those same kind of goals. I saw we start in the New Year.

Bonnie, Hayley let me down :) I had to laugh at your description of Owen. He does sound like a very fun dog.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, Poor Vern...he wouldn't survive boot camp. He is cute and naughty, but a big ol' chicken :) LOL Stuart and Vern would have fun together and Rooney and Fudge could supervise from the sidelines.

BG, LOL...that does sound a great deal like Vern :)

Joanna, He is afraid of many things, but just loves that slide.  I think my DH and DD are trying to find my elf microphone in order to destroy it : ) LOL

Pat, He does make me smile. That is a large part of the problem. I need to toughen up. Fudge is my right hand gal. She always looks out for me.

Deanna, It sounds like your day may have been worse than mine :) LOL I think screaming is always worse than a naughty dog!!

Ricki, Vern gets very happy when I sing into that microphone, too, and Fudge cocks her little head from side to side. I think they are the only fans of my singing :)

Camilla, You would be surprised....LOL!

Karen, I have to work on our costumes....Laurie and the Supremes....Laurie and the Pips....let me work on it for a bit. LOL  I will be sure to include a lyric in there about F telling you not to encourage me. I rarely get asked to sing and usually have the opposite effect on people. Wait until I tell John and Hayley I have a request.

Doris, Poor Knox and his nickname...DA....LOL!! Courtney and Fudge make our lives easier :)

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

I've lately taken to telling my dh that sweet Stuart needs to go to Doggie Boot Camp.  Stuart is 1.5 now, cuter than all get out and naughty!  Maybe we could get a discount if we send Vern and Stuart together.  Think about it.

[BG and Gavin]

Two Words:  Halloween Payback!  Vern says "I ain't no lady! (Gaga or otherwise)  I'm a root-tooting, antler taking, red rocket showing son of a gun and I do exactly what I want!" (as long as my sister says its okay)