Why Is It? My First Ever Poop Blog!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My mom and I usually talk first thing in the morning each day.  We all know that the older we get the fewer inhibitions we have and sometimes my mom will start talking about things I do not want to talk about before I eat my daily oatmeal.  Quite frankly, in my book, there is no good time to talk about some of the stuff she brings up. If she so much as utters the words bowel movement, my heart starts to race, my stomach starts churning, and I start trying to picture myself with a different mom or on a beach somewhere with no phones.  I have asked her to find a friend that likes these kinds of discussions or to share it with a sister who does not mind, but she still tries to keep me up to date.

 

I have volunteered for many years at an Assisted Living Facility and I should know by now that the elderly like to talk about poop. Once, I asked a resident in Craft class how she was feeling and without batting an eye she responded, “I haven’t had a bowel movement in four days.” Try thinking of a witty comeback to that comment.  I mean, “I hope everything works out for you in the end,” just doesn’t seem appropriate.  Truthfully, I do not want to hear about your elimination habits, discuss any gross details, or hear what foods move things along. Just let me put on my rose colored glasses and tell myself that making poo poo is just an expression and not an actuality. It has gotten so bad, that I can’t even check out library books because I am afraid people read them on the toilet, so yes, I have issues.

 

Which brings me to my point.  Why is it that I go nuts when someone mentions poop, but I can pick up Fudge and Vern’s poop in tiny little bags without a care in the world. I actually look for cute little poop bags at the store. I have picked up their poop with Halloween poop bags, green and red bags at Christmas, pink bags, yellow bags, and I think, my personal favorite, skull and crossbones poop bags. Once, in a pinch, all I had was a baggie and it did not bother me one bit. I have no problem examining their poop for color or consistency and have actually commented, “Vern, what did you eat that was blue?”

 

Just yesterday, Vern took a nosedive into a pile of horse poop and I did not pass out.  I saw him roll, but did not see the results of the roll until we were much farther into our walk and happened to glance down and see what I mistook for a large leaf hanging off his face. Luckily, it was my husband, thinking it was a leaf too, that tried to remove it from Vern’s face.  Nothing bothers my husband and he just said, “let’s keep walking,” but I explained that when your dog is wearing another animal’s feces on his face, I think the walk is over. We went back to the car, wiped him with wipes I keep in the car for these fun emergencies, and brought him home and gave him a bath. 

 

Something is not right.  I mean, gross is gross. Why is it that I can stomach almost anything when it comes to Fudge and Vern, but I can’t when it involves the people I love?  If and when my husband and I get really old and he turns to me one night and says, “I think I need some help in the bathroom,” I am going to feel badly, but will have no problem saying,  “ I think it is time we went our separate ways.” Who knows, he may be saving that as his ace in the hole for when I really get on his nerves. Meanwhile, the irony is not lost on my mother. When she visits she loves to point out the fact that there seems to be a double standard where Fudge and Vern are concerned.  She is always saying she can hear me tell Fudge and Vern that they are the best poopers in the whole world, but if she so much as utters one letter in the word poop, I threaten to take her to the nearest hotel where she can discuss on end what prunes are good for with the hotel clerk.  After I said, “what’s your point, woman?” she said, “I think it is a load of crap!” and all I could think was, “here we go again!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, I think I have a solution. If you give me your telephone number, I am going to have my mom start calling you in the morning :) If you only almost got sick twice, I don't think I want to know the details...LOL!! Your poor DH :)

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

LOL!! As always, a wonderful blog Laurie!! Although Tara's poops don't bother me at all I have to admit I appreciate that they come in the  "mini" size!! :)

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie only you can make poop funny! I have been blessed with a pretty much cast iron stomach, which has come in handy in my career. In 34 years I have only come closed to barfing twice, I won't bless you with the details. I have no problem picking up dog poop and once tried to get my DH to sniff my nice scented poop bag (with the poop already in it) he declined. Just stated that he thought I had totally lost my mind when he saw me walking toward him with a poop bag to my nose.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Joanne, LOL

Deanna, You are up to your eyeballs in poop. I do think you learn to handle what you have to, but I really hope I am not put to the test. You are a wonderful daughter to help your mom. Thank you!!

Anna, Yep...I think so too :)

[Anna and Achilles]

I think it is kind of like when my kids were little , I  could change their diapers without any trouble. Then when the child belonged to someone else I gag. You are their Mama.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Lucky, lucky, lucky me!!  Three times the poop, three times the "pleasure".  In addition to Sedona's poop, which fortunately is almost always near perfect (as dog poop goes), I'm regularly changing my granddaughter's poopy diapers and I (unfortunately) have occasion to assist my elderly mom in the same way.  If you'd asked me two years ago if I'd be able to handle "mom poop" duties, I'd have answered, "No way!", but I've learned that you do what you've gotta do!  Thanks, Laurie, for your "potty humor"!!!!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Poop happens. It just took you longer to write about it...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, You crack me up! You and that darn coffee :)

Phoebe's mom, I will have to ask my girls if they remember me being this maternal...LOL!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, Love your joke :) I do feel like we do our fair share of talking about poop on DK, but in my defense, this is my first poop blog..LOL!! We both know with two doodles we have a lot of poop to pick up!! My mom will be thrilled to find out someone loves her here on DK.

Amy, I don't even want to think about throw up..LOL!! I am the same as you, no problem when it is Vern or Fudge.

Carol, Luckily, my mom has a good sense of humor....now, if she would just stop talking about all the other stuff :) She tells us all the time we will miss her when she is gone and we always say back, "you keep saying that, but you never go anywhere." She's a very good sport...LOL! No one else understands this stuff but other people on DK.

Thanks, Bonnie and PJ, for the nice comments!!

Joanne, You and my SIL think alike...he told me it was a crappy blog...LOL! I am so glad you are so stylish when you pick up Spud and Starlit's poop. We all know that is important :) My mom has told me all about oatmeal.

Sue, Oh dear....LOL! I would love to meet you, but promise me we will not talk about poop :) Thanks for the laugh.

Becka, Thank you for backing me up :)

Sherri, Thank you for all the thought you put into your comment :) I think you are right. I am so sorry Sophie Bear is not feeling well and hope she is back to feeling better soon. Aww....Winston is helping out with her...that is so cute.

 

 

 

[Phoebe's Mom]

I agree that maternal instinct plays a role in all this.  I am easily grossed out and yet I am able to handle (and examine) all of Phoebe's messes with relative ease...just as I do with my four children and, believe me, I never thought I would be able to do that!