Ponderings on parenting puppies and people...

[Julie and Maggie]

Ever since I made my first step into the world of Puppy Parenting, I have been really amused at how similar it is to People Parenting. So many of the concerns and issues I've come across learning about how to raise a puppy have had their corresponding situations with children. Do we make our own baby food? Buy Gerber? Organic or not? How to transition to another formula? How do you get your baby to sleep through the night? Do you let him cry it out? Do they co-sleep with you in your bed? If you do one or the other will you be scaring them for life? Is your child's personality and temperament set for life by age 5? Vaccinate or not? How can two children come from the same parents and be polar opposites in personality? If you don't send your child to preschool will you be stunting their intellectual growth? Are you a permissive parent? How can you be authoritative without being authoritarian? Baby Wise or Baby Whisperer?

 

You see how I can go on and on.... It's been putting a smile on my face as I learn more about what I am getting into with raising a puppy. Every time a new consideration appears I just realize, "Oh, I get it. It's just like when I had to... (blah blah blah) with Nicholas or Benjamin. Makes me realize I probably know more than I thought I knew already about puppies. 

 

One thing I have observed however is a very stark DIFFERENCE, between puppy and people parenting. Tell me if you agree.

 

With PEOPLE parenting, you receive a little baby person who is utterly and completely dependent on you for survival. If left alone the baby is totally incapable of feeding himself. There is nothing the baby can do for himself, except fall asleep and poop. As time goes on you and the child work through a series of "training techniques" and at the end of it you hopefully achieve the ultimate result: which is a well-rounded adult who has learned to become totally and completely INDEPENDENT of YOU. The entire point of parenthood is to raise a child who will leave you and your home so that they can go off into the world and start the process all over again for himself successfully. 

 

With PUPPY parenting, you receive a little baby puppy who is rather independent of you for survival. If left alone the puppy will forage for food, whether in an appropriate way or not. In theory, the puppy could go out into the wild, and with a little luck make his way into the world. Won't be the best he could be but it is survival. But if he is your pet, as time goes by you and the puppy work through a series of "training techniques" and at the end of it you hopefully achieve the ultimate result: which is a well-rounded dog who has learned to become totally and completely DEPENDENT on YOU. The entire point of training a puppy is that you will produce a dog who will abide by the concept of nothing in life is free, you are in charge, and certain behaviors are expected for you to be properly appreciated in the human world. This lasts the dog's entire life. 

 

What do you think about that? I really think the premise is true. Although my boys will always have a certain dependence on mom and dad, and my puppy will receive a place in my heart as a member of the family, I think that when you get bare bones in it all, this is what it is all about. And it guides the choices we make as parents, of people and puppies!

[DeeDee and Sheila]

I agree alot and disagree a little.  I have watched my father and my DH parents, and granted boys are more independent, but moms are moms, period.  My girls are out of the nest, but I still worry over them.  Every problem they have, if I know about it, is somewhat my problem too.  Except I dont have control, enter worry. 

I have a mini ALD.  NO WAY could she have survived w/o me.  My breeder even told me to watch for hawks!!!!!  I have also had 3 lg sporting dogs, labs and german short haired pointer.  They became more and more delightful the more they aged.  The key was EXERSIZE.  The more they get, the more trainable they are.  And I don't mean just walking.  Throw a cong, whether down a hill or swimming.  THEN train.  They will calm down in about 4 yrs.  But I only went from 2 exercise periods to 1 until they were about 7 or 8.  I knew my doggy play group intimately.  But wow, what fun they were if they had been exercised properly.  Just hilarious, smart, you name it .  About 8 they sleep more, by 10 alot more, by 12. .. . . But I was crying on the vets floor with each of them dying in my arms.  LOVED THEM TO DEATH.

Now I'm in my fifties and learning how to "parent" a 9 lb. doodle.  Yikes, help me!!!!!  Im learning all over again.  But dogs give you what you give them, just like kids.  The more we as parents put in, the better they turn out.  Agree?  P.S.  I have raised and put down 3 sporting dog athletes now, but my adult kids are vets and engineers (and she is deaf).  But I am tired as hec!!!!!

[Adina P]

There are definitely similarities--I see them quite often too!

 

But I'm definitely stricter and more black/white with my dogs than I am with my toddler.  I think dogs are exponentially easier than humans.  They are simpler, have far fewer requirements, will never beg for something they don't actually have (i.e. expect things from pet stores, ask for things on commercials or that their friends have, etc).  Blind obedience (more  or less) is far more desirable in dogs.  I can leave my dogs behind in a crate to run to the store or go out with friends--up to a few hours. And when I do take them with me or on a walk I need not bring changes of clothes, diapers, wipes, sippy cup, snacks, etc.  I almost never need a 'sitter' for dogs unless we're out of town.  They are happy to more or less hang out and lay around...NOT so with a toddler and are far less demanding of attention and time.  I could stay home all day and do housework or sit and watch TV and my dogs would rarely really ask for more than a few pets, food and potty breaks.  Can't do that with toddlers.  Thus I think regardless of all their similarities dogs are way way easier thanks kids =)

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Ok, you never seen me leave my house with my girls then ...... headed out here shortly for Therapy visit to Veteran's Home --- backpack is packed .... brush, comb, blow dryer (it is raining), towel for feet, paper towels, potty bags,  wet wipes, water bottle & dish, treats, leash.  Just finished combing/brushing and putting collar scrunchie (bow) on and are just about ready to head out!  (of course this is all said in fun ..... even though I don't have children I really do realize they are a lot more work than dogs, but sometimes it feels like I have kids).

[Adina P]

I think that if I had an empty nest or didn't have kids I would probably treat my dogs more 'kid-like.' 

 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Oooohhh you hit the nail right on the head.  I like it!

Parenting  a Human Goal: 

INDEPENDENT of YOU. The entire point of parenthood is to raise a child who will leave you and your home so that they can go off into the world and start the process all over again for himself successfully.

 

 Parenting a Dog Goal:

DEPENDENT on YOU. The entire point of training a puppy is that you will produce a dog who will abide by the concept of nothing in life is free, you are in charge, and certain behaviors are expected for you to be properly appreciated in the human world.

 

[Jennifer Tramell]

I agree and yet I want my dogs to achieve a level of trustworthy independence. I've never needed the "nothing in life is free" training techniques so my mental image of a dog "completely dependent on you" is a spoiled little lap dog who doesn't think on his own.  I know that is not what you mean and I agree with your comparison.

One major difference between parenting and puppy raising is that the puppies don't need to be taught the same lesson over and over and over.  As an example: teach your puppy to sit at 12 wks old and, with maybe an occasional reminder, they sit on command for their entire life.  Teach your child to say "Please" and "Thank You" at 2 yrs old and then you teach it at 3 yrs old and at 5 yrs old and at 8 yrs old and, hopefully, they remember these manners when they meet their girlfriends parents :-) 

I think that puppy raising is excellent practice for having kids.  We got our first dog after 4 months of marriage, our first child after 7 years of marriage.  My husband and I used to say "if our kids are half as well behaved as our dog, we'll be happy".  Good grief, raising a puppy is SO much easier!

[Carol Brand]

In my experience the same people who have poorly behaved children have poorly behaved dogs.  Dogs and kids take very similar training/parenting:   consistency, fairness, clear boundaries, clear consequences.

[Adina P]

I agree--when it comes to overarching principles like consistency, etc. And I think if one doesn't 'get' those principles with one kind of 'child' they will be missed with the other kind too.  There's just MORE to parenting human kids than there is to training/caring for dogs. I still don't consider myself my dogs' "mom" except I might use it as a term of endearment.  Dogs don't consider their doggy moms the way WE humans consider our human moms. They don't need 'mothering' for more than their first couple months really.

 

One big difference for me is that because dogs are more physical with each other (vs. verbal) I think it's 'fair' to be physical back (as far as physical corrections, no explanations about things, etc).  I can just tell a dog what's okay and not okay, but at some point kids need to know "why" so that they understand the reasons behind things.  I also want to validate feelings in kids so they can verbalize their emotions rather than just react.  But dogs aren't verbal, don't need explanations (again pure black/white, blind obedience is better suited to them), aren't going to be helped by learning to talk about their feelings or describing what happens.  With dogs it's "yes" vs. "no" and "safe" vs. "dangerous" -- humans are immeasurably  more complex.   I don't worry about my dogs' feelings (assuming I'm being fair) nor do I feel bad if I didn't give them a certain level of attention one day.  But I do have those feelings toward my child and I know that she NEEDS me to engage her and play with her and participate in her activities, talk with her, etc.  That's just NOT the same with a dog--they don't need me to join them in bone chewing or squirrel chasing.  They don't need to tell me about their day.  I could do things with my dogs all day in virtual silence and it wouldn't diminish their development.  Dogs ARE better with body language than they are with words anyway.

 

I only have a toddler so I may change my mind after more kids and as my kids get older, but there are things I want my child to understand about her behavior (at least over time) and how to make choices that isn't directly applicable to dogs.  I want my dogs to do as I say now and forever.  I don't expect my child to do so forever...I guess that goes along with the idea mentioned above about training children to become responsible independent adults....  I am not training my dogs to go out on their own and live independently of me.  I'm not wanting them to feel "more" dependent on me either, though.  More just willing to work for me and want to follow me as master and friend for their whole life. 

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

I think there are many similarities and the basic are what you say about independence.I on the other hand worried so much about how my human daughter would turn out (great I might add), and with Daisy I don't worry at all...I enjoy her, give her basic training as in sit, stay, come so she exists with humans on their level but I am not worried about her becoming a "perfect" dog. She is here to make our lives richer and I don't have to worry how she turns out as this is her life, she knows know different and it's a good life, she doesn't know that another dog goes to daycare one more time a week then an another, she doesn't know that the boxer next door got to go to the dog park and she didn't. This is the big dif....no pressure in dog parenting for me thank you.

Daisy has a great life compared to a lot of dogs but you know what, she doesn't know it only we humans do.

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

I really have to agree with you. It comes to ( in most cases) you get what you give in both raising children and a puppy. From my perspective they are both easier and harder in different ways. I do often tell my attitude tween all knowing 12 year old that I often understand why some animals eat their young in the wild. I also remind her we do have a dog cage she will fit in! Lol lol. Right now give me a puppy, toddler or baby over this 4 foot attitude filled thing I have!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I do agree that there are some similarities, especially related to "mechanics" of raising a puppy and a baby...choosing the right food, sleeping schedule, even "socialization" to some degree.  In my opinion though, raising a child is immeasurably more complex.  For me with dogs it's pretty straightforward...you feed, exercise, set and enforce boundaries, and give affection and love.  You do "teach" them how to behave in our world through training...but even that is pretty straightforward.  With a dog, I think it's pretty hard to "screw things up", unless you just don't provide for their basic needs and don't provide consistent expectations and consequences/rewards.  They don't internalize and they have no real emotional intelligence.  For me the most challenging parts of raising my children was not meeting their physical needs....it was about creating an environment that would enable them to develop intellectually, emotionally, and even spiritually.  Children come to us with totally unique personalities which brings it's own set of challenges.  While dogs certainly have unique traits (often breed related), they are usually pretty recognizable and easy to accommodate.  Not always so with our kids.

[Bonnie and Kona]

One big difference I can think of is the unconditional love of my dogs and the times I have to tip toe around my adult children to keep things copacetic, haha! But seriously, dog are way easier. Your comparison was fun to read though! They are our babies. ;o)