Am I Being Too Sensitive and Critical

[Linda and Bailey]

So I have posted these last couple of days about trying to find a groomer for Bailey. Before I had Bailey, I had my standard poodle, Ginger. She was my heart dog. She has been gone a year now and I miss her daily. Anyway for 11 years I took Ginger to our groomer. She went every 6-8 weeks. and her prices were on the high end, but Ginger loved her. She did a great job. The one problem I had was that she sometimes would go out of town and call and cancel and I would reschedule my appointment for another week or two longer, which I had no problem with. I lost Ginger on a Tuesday and had an appointment to be groomed the following Friday. That phone call to cancel that appointment was very difficult. I had to leave a message telling my groomer what happened and thanked her for always taking such good care of my girl. My groomer never called me or acknowledged Ginger's passing in any way. To this day, I'm still mad, hurt and shocked that she never contacted me, which is why I didn't go back with Bailey. Am I being too sensitive and critical that she never contacted me saying she was sorry for my loss? Would you go back to a groomer after that?

[Linda and Bailey]

I did actually think about it when I began searching for a new groomer for Bailey, but I can't imagine walking into that salon and having her say "oh, by the way so sorry for your loss" a year later.  I know I would probably end up saying something extremely rude and walking out because even though it has been a year and I love my Bailey, I miss Ginger so much.

[Breanna]

Giving her the benefit of the doubt (which is an unlikely scenario) could she have never received the voicemail and never found out?

It hurt the pit of my stomach reading about your phone call to her, and for her not to reply to that is very rude. I would come to the conclusion that she was only in her job for the money and didn't care about her clients. I would be very hurt and wouldn't return either, you are certainly not being too sensitive.

I am very sorry for your loss. When I was 17 I lost my golden retriever whom I was raised with. I am 22 now and still cry thinking about it. I sobbed at the end of Marley and me (book and movie), thinking about my beloved "Cowboy." If someone who was a big part of our lives never acknowledged his death I would have found that incredibly insensitive.

[Linda and Bailey]

She was a big part of our lives, I was at the vets office one day with Ginger and she walked in and Ginger immediately ran to her, we knew her that well.  We seen her every 6-8 weeks for 11 years.  I am still so shocked that Ginger seemed to not matter to her at all.  

[Kyoko]

I am so sorry for your loss....

I dont think you are too sensitive. When my beloved Butter died I had to call and cancel his vet appointment. They later sent me a simpathy card. I think it is called empathy and understanding your pain, especially when you thought there were some good relationship between you guys, business or not.

On the other hand, I wonder what if someone else took the message and just told the groomer you canceled without saying Ginger passed...? Groomer can be wondering how come Ginger never came back for grooming..?

Well, but even with that, I guess she could have still called to say she was wondering how Ginger was since she has not heard from you for awhile or something....

[Linda and Bailey]

It was a small shop and I knew everyone in it and never missed an appointment.  If I was late she would call if it was later than 20 minutes to see if I was on my way.  

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Sorry for your loss of Ginger, I too understand the meaning of your "heart" dog and how devastating it would be.

Regarding being sensitive, not at all Linda, you are making the right decision to move on.

When my dog Zach passed he to had an appointment scheduled and I had to cancel, we cried together and I got a beautiful card, and in the card a note that a donation had been made to the local animal shelter. A week later I received another card from the shelter, it was a Rainbow Bridge Card, it was to inform me that a donation had been made in his name.

I did have to move on from her shop. In the 3 years between Zach and Daisy her shop had grown and had way too much commotion, Daisy was way to sensitive. I felt awful but truth be told she did not cut Daisy the way I liked. When she came home the first time she was groomed she was the spitting image of a new poodle. Ha ha

You will find another groomer and this one will be the perfect one for Bailey. Good Luck!

[Sally S Miles]

I think it's time that some people got a grip and remembered how much we love our pets - after a long time relationship with a groomer I would have been a bit insulted as well.   Do not question your sensitivity - it's precious and should be respected.  I can commiserate and truly wish you all the best.

[Barbara B., Sasha & Oliver]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Ginger.  In my opinion.. being in the pet industry she should at the very least take a minute to phone you and acknowledge your loss.  I don't think you are being over sensitive at all !!!  If she could be that cold I question how she treats the dogs that she grooms???  Don't go back, she does not deserve your business, I'm sure you will find someone who grooms from the heart !!!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Since I was a child, my family's chief complaint about me is that I am too sensitive.  I often use this in job interviews when they ask, " What is the one thing you don't like about yourself?"   I'm  dedicated to a fault, but  failed by a human, I have a hard time getting over it.

That said, I would try again.   Since you liked her, she knows you, and she is good with  your dogs, I think it is worth a try.  It just may heal these wounds.

People handle death differently.  Some need to talk, others just cant say a word.   They feel it in their chests or their heads hurt, or they suffer silently. Some just dont know what to say to others. They are speechless, They feel they might say the wrong thing. They feel or connect with another loss of their own.  I truly dont think she felt nothing.  And, she may not even know since you left a message.

Really, do we know what this groomer felt?  Do we know if she was apathetic or suffering herself with some grief?

There is no one way to handle death and dying. No book was ever written telling us how we should be acting or feeling.  It really is a tough call but this just may be a moment of understanding and lifetime of good grooming for you new dog. 

Give it a try. Go back.

[BG and Gavin]

I love you Joanne!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

I love you too, BG  :)

[Sally S Miles]

Ahhh Joanne - words of wisdom and compassion,  thank you for being who you are! You are right - people handle things differently and some just prefer to back away rather than bring up sensitive subject.