Bonding Issues

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

My DH is back from his trip to China and has been here in FL for the past few days, he'll leave tomorrow for NYC and fly home as usual for the weekend.  DH would be the first person to say that we got Rooney so that I would not be so lonely down here in FL.  We've been here full time a little over a year, and I am making friends but this is 98% a couples golf community.  As I am alone all week Rooney has been wonderful for me.  We talk walks, go to the dog park, take obediance class, etc. together.  I'm with him all day long unless he goes to puppy sitter's while I play golf  - I just adore my puppy.  Well, this past weekend DH started saying things about how "attached" Rooney is to me.  That he cried when I left, etc.  So last night I finally asked him if there was a problem and (this is sad) he admitted that he is a little jealous, that Rooney is such a mommies baby and that he doesn't feel that Rooney is bonding to him at all.  You have to understand that the two labs (RIP) that we have had were always more DH dogs.  He is an animal lover and animal are always been more drawn to him than me - I think Rooney being a bit standoffish to him has hurt his feelings.  Right now Rooney is going through a phase (I hope) where he must think I'm really his mom - he is fine if I leave him alone but if I leave him and DH is home he cries.  He won't even go outside to potty with DH unless I go too.  He acts very much like a human toddler - holding up his paws for me to pick him up etc.  I hate that my sweet dog loving husband feels left out of Rooney's attachment.  Any suggestions would be welcome understanding that DH is home only on weekends.   Is this normal?  Anyone else have this issue?

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Lisa,

I really hope to meet you guys some day, I think Daisy and Rosey are truly flower sisters!! They are sooo much alike!!  I could totally picture what you are saying cuz Rosey has a similar relationship with DH....oh and your DH needs to train my DH on that dinner thing!!!  He is never home until well after that!!

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

Yep, that is pretty much the same as we do with Gracie Doodle...though I am home most of the day!  The Daddies are their toys!!!!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Oh it is going to happen, one way or another, us up there in Michigan or you down here at Bow Wow.

Is there any dog parks up there...my mom doesn't know of any?

Oh and the dinner was in the oven - he was just getting it out and plating it up - like you my DH does not get home until well after me....sometimes he will do the dishes but only if I insist I am not. ha ha

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Yes, there are a couple.  We go to more "unofficial" dog parks:)  If you ever come up this way let me know maybe we can meet up!! But yes, I see a visit to OH in our future too, but not until it's warmer!!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

I think this is very normal.  You have been raising Rooney, feeding, training and loving him.  You have put in the time and Rooney is bonded to you and can depend on you.  DH has to put in the time, and if he can't, it will take longer for Rooney to notice him.   I think you should do errands and leave the two of them alone for some time on the weekend.  Rooney will potty when he has to.  Let them start working on a relationship without your presence pulling Rooney to you.  If Rooney has to choose right now, you know it will be you!  DH should try hand feeding Rooney (assuming he is a kibble kind of doodle).  I think if Rooney couldn't see you, the dynamic between them might change.  Good luck :-)

[Dori & Rua]

A little over 3 years ago, we got a beautiful 4.5 month old Labradoodle we named Ceilidh (Kay-Lee).  I was not a dog person, never had my own dog, was a total cat person, but my husband really missed having a dog and because he traveled enough, and I got really spooked by someone being in my yard at night one time, I caved.  I gave him my LONG list of requirements...low and behold, we got Ceilidh.  I will never late afternoon the couple brought Ceilidh to our house...they took her down off the truck...she looked like a little black lamb...mostly legs.  He fell IN LOVE with her right then and there.  He brought her in the house, set her down...and that was it...she never left my side!  HE WAS CRUSHED.  He STILL brings it up to this day. 

 

Rua is a Momma's girl...no doubt.  I had to talk HIM in to getting another dog.  I do all of the training, bathing, grooming, taking her to/from vets, daycare, shopping (lot's of shopping LOL).  He'll let her out of her crate in the morning to take her out and she run to my side of the bed and will become a pogo stick wanted to see me before she even goes out...he'll even say..."what am I, chopped liver".  But, he takes her out, comes home at lunch to feed her when we are both gone at work, and he is the one who primarily PLAYS with her.  So, we each have different roles in the care and upbringing of Rua, and your DH needs to be the one who makes the effort.  How can he not get that he is hardly EVER home...heck...how could he expect anything less.  Note...read the acronym page on DH....I re-read that for the first time today and it made me laugh.  Perhaps your DH is the one acting like a toddler!  LOL!!!!!! 

 

My sweet Ceilidh...we rehomed her when we moved into a small apartment for 11 months after we sold the house we lived in while we were building our existing house...she was 55lbs and I couldn't stand the thought of her not having a yard to run in...I miss her still.

 

Rua says hi!

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Wow that must have been hard, I hope Ceilidh has her forever home now.  I can't imagine having to rehome either of my doods!

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

Oh wow Dori...that breaks my heart.  I don't think I ever could have done it.  So little Rua has a little step sister out there some where.  Do you ever see Ceilidh?

[Dori & Rua]

To Suzann and Nancie...let me tell you...I didn't KNOW how much I really loved her until she left.  I can remember SOBBING for hours.  In fact, right this minute I am crying missing her.  My DH arranged it and committed before I had a chance to figure out a way.  Ceilidh LOVED to run.  She would RACE around and around the perimeter of our fenced-in backyard in our old house.  She had her "friends" next door, a huge Goldendoodle named Wesley and his brother, Potter, a poodle.  She went to the grandmother of someone who worked for my DH...who had lost her husband, was alone, and a large fenced-in yard and was retired.  She is too far away for us to see her.  I think that I thought that it was the best thing for Ceilidh...I really don't ever want to have to do that again.  We did get updates...she loved it there...went to the lake...got to play with kids.  The woman was SO happy and just LOVED Ceilidh.  It still hurts...but keeping Ceilidh in an apartment and not letting her run around in the back yard when she wanted would have hurt, too.

[Leigh & Allie]

That is my story in a nutshell. Allie is my girl and I would not have it any other way. She does get excited when he comes home and she greets him at the door but he said when I am gone she sits on the sofa staring at the door just waiting for me to come home. He does have a few things that are just for "him and Allie". He discovered that she loves ice cubes so whenever he even gets near a glass she comes running because she knows he will give her an ice cube. He has made a game of it by rolling it on the floor for her to "catch". They also have this thing (bare with me while I try to explain) where he says "jump" and he jumps in the air. She then jumps down into the play stance. DH thinks it is really funny (I personally don't "get" it) but they both seem to enjoy it. Maybe your DH can come up with some "Rooney and me" things to do that are totally their own.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I agree with what others have said.  For instance, DH went through a period of about 5 months working from home this year.  During that time, Peri was definitely more attached to him, not me (I work full time away from home).  She cried when he left and would go to him more often for "pets". 

 

We have both been back to full time, out of the house for a few months.  We are generally home around the same time and we switch off going home to take the dogs on their lunch time walks.  So she has gone back to equal love and affection.....