Confused new owner of a Labradoodle

[Confused Doodle]

I am very confused. We got a Australian Labradoodle pup and have had her for just a few days,my son is having a very hard time adjusting to her, ie. she barks and he has meltdowns, she comes near him

to play,and he has huge meltdowns, he only wants to play with her when shes far away or they are outside when they come into the house he wants nothing to do with her, its causing huge amounts of stress in our house, considering my son has autism and is non-verbal, has there ever been a instance where a pup has been returned to the breeder? We paid 3k for her,and its not even about the money I would return her tothe breeder because I would know this wonderful puppy would end up in a good home.Shes amazing, calm I just feel like its not going to work out for us.

[Donna K & Quincy]

It doesn't take long to fall in love with these little fluff balls, I know it will be a difficult decision but you need to do what you feel is right for your family. I hope you find the solution that works for you. Many children with Autism are very sensitive to both sound and sudden movements and I guess the puppy is providing both. I would try tiring the puppy out so that it is sleepy and let you son sit near it while it is sleeping and quiet and maybe find a way to build from there. Good luck.

[Confused Doodle]

Thank you for your supportive comments, let me give you more information about us:

We have no other children just our 6 year old son, he is not a violent autistic child, he is very mellow, plays normal but does not speak. 

We have no other animals, had a dog about 6 years ago and she passed when he was about 1.5 so he liked her,but she was little and older so she was very relaxed.

I did consult his teachers and they thought it was a great idea, they did however recommend a golden retriever instead of a doodle pup, but we went with our instincts and did lot of research before deciding on this.

Our home is not stressful it became stressful when the pup came into the house because of course it completely threw a wrench into our entire lifestyle.

The pup barked,thats what set our little guy off. He was getting a bath and the puppy was in the bathroom with us, he was watching the pup as he was getting a bath and the dog started to bark at him, he started screaming and crying and covering his ears. He wouldn't open his eyes until she was gone. Even though I told him she wouldn't hurt him.

Then we were in the living room and she wanted to play with him and he was sitting on the floor, she started to jump forward and backward because she thought he wanted to play,and again started crying and covering his eyes.

The only time he was interested was when we were outside and it was because of how far away from one another they were,the majority of the time she followed my husband and I.

We already contacted the breeder to let her know what was going on and get some suggestions, I am not one of those people who will hold onto the puppy just because I dont want to be a bad person who gives her back, I want to do whats best for that puppy, period. She is truely a great puppy, and she is very calm for being only 8 weeks old.

[BG and Gavin]

It is a super tough call for sure and you are not a bad person.  You would be dealing with the same issues no matter what breed of puppy you got.  Puppies are rambunctious.  Try having her on leash and do controlled interaction for tonight and see how things go.  Best wishes.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I am so sorry you are going through all this with your new puppy. I am thinking about all the stages a young puppy goes through and nipping is definitely one of them. If your son is upset with the barking, the nipping might really scare him. Puppies chase and run and jump and need lots of training and it may just be too much for your young son. I think you did the right thing contacting the breeder. It might just be the wrong time for a puppy and does not make you a bad person because it did not work out.  Good luck with your decision.

[Confused Doodle]

Thank you so much, another thing I keep thinking is she is only 8 weeks, so as she gets bigger if she knocks him over I can't see him taking to that well ... Its all these things I thought that he would be ok with, I wish there had been a way to test it before making this kind of move.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

I am so sorry this didn't work out. You did your homework before getting the puppy, it just isn't the right time yet.  I do think animals can be wonderful for autistic children, but it sounds like your son is not ready for a puppy.  Sensitivity to sounds is so common for children with your son's disability.  He probably needs a lot more exposure to animals, especially dogs before he will be comfortable. Doodle vs golden - you didn't do anything wrong choosing a doodle.  Most puppies bark, whatever their breed.  Beside finding ways to expose him to real dogs gradually, you might get him one of the toys out right now that are puppies or kitties that  'breathe.'  We just got my granddaughter one that moves when you rub the tummy.

[Ginny Nightingale]

You have gotten great advice and I think that maybe an older dog that might even have training for an autistic child might be a great idea--but the pup may not work out. I just want to add that ANY breed of pup would act this way--golden retriever pups are equally rambunctious and often much bigger!

There is an organization in Canada that is actively training dogs to work with families with autistic kids--wish I knew the name of it--maybe someone else does. But there may be one in US too?

I hope it all works out for you--and that someday your son can have a great relationship with a great dog.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

I have a son with MILD Asperger's Syndrome who just turned 23 this week and I understand a little of what you are living with: The aversion to noises, the anxiety, the breaks in routine, the frustration of the child who has difficulty expressing themselves.  All Aspergers and Autistic Children have " their thing" so it is not just one thing to figure out. I identified with you very quickly when you said aversion to noises.  That was one of our biggest set-off points when my son was  young

But he did live harmoniously with 3 cats, 2 dogs, and 25 fish. Among other animals here and there.  He also did better with them than many children.  Although animals are said to be so good with Autism/Aspergers I don't think that is in stone. I really don't believe it is good in every situation.  Possibly, you may be a family where this is not a good idea.   My personal thoughts--this is early and this child is too young.

.  Doodle are part poodles and poodles are chatty.

I also have a very chatty doodle.  He barks a lot.  Now, at three years, he understands, "shhh. No. No Speak" But that command needs to be worked on constantly and just now are we perfecting the dog being able to control his barking.

Hey, dogs are like little toddlers in behavior.

I am so glad you have reached out.  I do think this can work, but the work will be all on your part and this will be a lot of work.   Not only should you work with the therapist, but also a trainer.

You will need to make this puppy--YOUR puppy. Not the child's puppy.  This will just be another child for you. Take full responsibility for the dog and never leave it with you son for many  many  months until things are settled.

Children are a product of their environment.  He will watch YOU interact with the puppy and do accordingly.  This will come in time.

My heart goes out to you because I know what an uproar small changes are in situations like these.   I also think, returning it to the breeder is not a bad idea. I think a puppy in a normal household is tough enough.  Anyone who lives with Autism or Aspergers has a very different household.  I do not think you are a failure.

My hopes are that possibly you will wait for the child to mature.  At least 10 -12 years old.  Or work with a trainer and a therapist to find the right match.   When these children are older and have a little more confidence--versus frustration from communication problems you may notice a world of difference.  Six years old was a rough year in my household.   For us, we had a lot better moments as the child matured. We still have our days but it is much better

Please keep up up to date with whatever you choose.  I support you saying this will not work and I support you returning the dog.   I support you in trying to keep the dog and making this work.   I'm just supportive. We all are.

Stay with us here--this place is an immense amount of help even to old dog owners like me. Look me up anytime you wish.

[Confused Doodle]

Thank you so much I am so glad to hear of someone who understands so well, I just spoke with the breeder and she is willing to take her back and said its no problem. They are honestly great people and we found them on all the recommended breeding sites, and now I see why. They were not judgmental made me feel much better about the entire situation.

I really thought this would be one opportunity for my son to be accepted and not judged, and it just seems we should have gotten a service dog and not a baby pup. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

You tried to get a dog for your son and your heart was in the right place. I am sorry it did not work out, but glad you have a wonderful breeder. Our daughter had many medical problems when she was very young, so I understand what you are saying about being judged and accepted. I really believe maybe someday the right dog will find you! Good luck!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

If I could hug you, I would. Because I know your pain and you really thought you were doing the best for your son.  You also did your homework and found a good breeder.  Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back.

I think, in time, this can be done and you may find it a wonderful experience.

Speaking of animals and how they may help in situations such as these;

Have you read the book, Songs of The Gorilla Nation, by Dawn Prince-Hughes?

http://www.randomhouse.com/book/135295/songs-of-the-gorilla-nation-...

It is a fast read, written by a woman with Autism who began a troubled life working in zoo.

She went on to get her PhD and it was working with animals that helped her so much. 

I usually pass on all my books but this one, I hold dear to my heart and will never give up.

I think a dog or animal is in your future.

PLEASE read the book and I hope someday you come back and tell me what you think.

It is PERFECT for Mom's with children with Asperger's/Autism.  I never knew what my son felt or thought --really felt, until I read this book.

Hugs to you again, Joanne

P.S. Thank you sooo much for thinking of this puppy and its' life also.  So many don't. You did a very unselfish act and I applaud you for thinking about this dog!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Joanne, thank you for reminding me that I wanted to read this book.  I am going to Amazon to order it right now.