Continuation of Sherri's Rehome Discussion!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have been up since 5:30 am thinking about Sherri’s discussion about all of the recent rehoming discussions.   She is right in that we have to come up with some way to deal with these discussions.  As worried as I am about the dogs in question, I am equally as worried about the way these discussions divide our DK community.  We have had discussions on being nice that didn’t end up so nicely and plenty of arguments as to how a discussion was handled and how it could have been handled better.  Sometimes I agree.  Sometimes I don’t, but yesterday hit a nerve because I felt like I was nice.  I said please and thank you and still we were not nice enough.  Even some of the comments about what we should have done, we did do, and still the poster got upset and closed the discussion and everyone is in agreement that the real loser is going to be that dog.  The bottom line is however I think we handled it or didn't handle it, we didn't get through to that poster and so I do agree, we need a better way.

 

I am not here to re-hash that discussion, because honestly I am mad about it and in the long run, no one should care about that as much as we do about helping the next dog that appears in the next rehome discussion, and we all know there will be another dog soon.  There is absolutely no way to control a discussion like the one yesterday or the others before that because unless we send out a script to all of our members telling them to please not respond emotionally or negatively to anyone trying to rehome their dog for any old reason, someone is going to respond passionately and get someone else mad.  At first, the thing that upset me yesterday is that people who had not read the comments or offered any assistance to the poster were critical of those of us who did, but since those people are some of the ones I respect the most here on DK, I also know they care as much about these dogs as I do and even if we don't agree, they have a right to their opinion.   Trust me, when I say that is a hard one for me :) I also know there is a wide range of people on DK with varying opinions and sometimes we have to put aside our personal feelings to get something done for a dog that needs our help.  I also know that behind every comment is the need to help a dog.

 

It seemed to me that the majority of the responders to Sherri’s post felt like we hardly ever talk anyone out of rehoming their dogs once they post and we should just respond with the facts and keep emotions out of responses.  With that said, I think the discussions are right to be on the front page, but I think we need a link or something to refer the person to the DRC or IDog and after that, I hope the discussion gets closed so no further comments can be made. 

P.S. Please note: if you disagree with me I will close the discussion :)

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

I didn't see the Wally post till it was over and done.  As someone who really got into it with the cough, cough "rescue" doodles that had megE - these posts can really stir up a lot of emotion, anger, sympathy, saddness.  There just is no easy answer.  We need to keep the dogs needs in mind - something that is difficult to near impossible to do when you are pretty certain that you are being lied to. I love the idea of the link.  Get the people the info that they could use. 

I think the majority of re-home posters come here hoping that a member of DK will step forward to take the dog.  Maybe that is what we should try to do.  Find the nearest DKer that is willing and able to pull and foster the dog - then we help get it "re-homed", so just play along like we would adopt it.  Not very honest but clearly they aren't very honest with us.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

hee hee. I don't blame you for thinking that. That was my plan with Winston. I just wanted to save him from the fate of the random guy who responded to their craigslist ad. Only the second I laid eyes on him I fell in love and the plan was out the window.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I think many of us get caught up with the motivations and truthfulness of the people wanting to rehome their dogs. Gosh, we even get caught up in semantics. That is really not the issue at all and doesn't do a bit of good. We are not lie detectors and most of us aren't mental health professionals : )

When training your dogs I am sure you were told to be straightforward and unemotional. Don't yell but correct the dog in a neutral manner. Well, most of us probably don't succeed with that bit of advice. But that is how I think we should be on this issue. State things calmly, give as much information as possible and move on.

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

I agree that we have to find a better way to try to help these dogs.  Perhaps we need a first responder with links to rescue groups though I believe this would be an enormous list.  The food group does a great job sifting out the good and bad foods and perhaps we need to start sifting out the rescue and re-homing groups but I don't know if that would be possible given that the US is so large.  I agree with Jane that these people mostly come here having already made up their minds and think they might find an adoptive home here with a DK member. When they don't get what they want they leave.

[F, Calla & Luca]

There could be suggestions on how to find local rescue groups though. But there are only a few national groups.

[Lynne Fowler-Oodles of Doodles]

I'm sorry I missed the Wally discussion, but he is listed with Oodles of Doodles Rehome Service.

http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/23856649

His owner contacted us a few weeks ago and originally also had him listed on Craigslist. We discussed the horrors of that and she agreed to take him off CL. I also discussed hot wiring or electric fencing around the fence itself. He will be a hard dog to place no matter what anyone thinks of rehoming. He is 8, black and not very doodley.

Before anyone jumps on me, our Rehome Service has successfully placed almost 80 dogs since we started it in 2011. Most people who contact us are at their wits end because of many various reasons. From biting to moved/moving, people are looking for solutions. We try to offer a solution that is safe for the dog(s). On several occasions we have taken the dog into our rescue program or referred to Idog, who has taken him. We have paid for vetting to have spayed/neutered and shots up to date. We have talked many people into keeping their dog(s) and making it work. As with Wally, electrifying the fence and working with him, could solve the problem. But getting mad or all emotional at them will not help the dog. Which should be the goal.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I still don't get why we can't have a special group for owner rehome/members looking for adult dogs. We also get a lot of posts by people looking for adult dogs and don't want a puppy. What better way to connect them? DRC, IDOG etc., can't take them all. There is not enough time in the world and at the end of the day, some posters just want to chose the home themselves. I know in Winston's case they refused to go through rescue, just wanted it over and done with as quick as possible, and wanted to give him to the first guy who came along... Those who are interested in helping these dogs can join the group and chime into the discussions there. Those who have a beef about rehoming issues can rant in that group. We can have posts for "what to look for in a potential adopter" and "what to ask the owners before adopting thier dog", "why craigslist is a bad idea" etc.

 

I just think it's a simple way to contain it all and direct people to the right information. There's still nothing stopping people from posting discussions in the main forum as they inevitably will do, but redirecting them to a special group where there is a lot of good information, support and where people looking to adopt an adult doodle have posted requests, isn't the worst idea to me at all. It might even work better for helping the doodle, which we are clearly not doing very well at with the current system. If nothing else, it might reduce the number of divisive discussions that take place in the main forum. As I had mentioned in my earlier discussion, I think it doesn't reflect well on the DK community if these rehomeing posts are running rampant in addition to all the heated discussions.

[Adina P]

I don't agree with a group because of the following reasons. 

1) The 'group' to go to is IDOG and DRC

2) Groups are best for niche topics that are popular (photography, puppy issues, etc), geographical groups, and puppy family groups.

3) When a dog needs a new home, it's best if it is visible to most members because more member views mean more chances that dog will find someone who would adopt it--that's not the case with groups. 

4) If someone is 'selling' their dog for a cost, there are the two sales groups.  People can and have posted there before. 

5) At this point we have enough groups to cover just about anything someone would be interested in, but I don't want every single topic to be a 'group' because then there's no point in having a main forum where everybody comes to communicate with everybody. 

But mainly #1 -- Rescues are the 'group' for this if we need a group away from the main forum where the person/dog in need of help will get the most views.  I don't want to send people to some little corner of the site every time.  The reason dog sales are in their own group is so people posting don't have to be reminded every single time of the rules of posting...they are right there.  They can charge $5 if they want or donate to rescue or whatever.

[F, Calla & Luca]

So right Adina.

[F, Calla & Luca]

It's not that we can't have a discussion Sherri it's that many of us, most importantly Adina, don't think it's a good idea. Maybe she could put a link, which you have kindly offered to write, with all the rehoming info, on the help page, similar to the "What to look for in a Breeder" link. Ranting in a private group would still be a negative thing for the dogs. But we can try to avoid divisive discussions. I disagree with you on this separate group but I still agree with you on many things and think you are a wonderful person and doodle owner.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Thanks F. It's totally fine to agree to disagree. I don't take that personally at all :) I'm glad we found a fair compromise and I hope I can count on your feedback once I get my draft together.

[F, Calla & Luca]

You know you can count on feedback from me : )