Continuation of Sherri's Rehome Discussion!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have been up since 5:30 am thinking about Sherri’s discussion about all of the recent rehoming discussions.   She is right in that we have to come up with some way to deal with these discussions.  As worried as I am about the dogs in question, I am equally as worried about the way these discussions divide our DK community.  We have had discussions on being nice that didn’t end up so nicely and plenty of arguments as to how a discussion was handled and how it could have been handled better.  Sometimes I agree.  Sometimes I don’t, but yesterday hit a nerve because I felt like I was nice.  I said please and thank you and still we were not nice enough.  Even some of the comments about what we should have done, we did do, and still the poster got upset and closed the discussion and everyone is in agreement that the real loser is going to be that dog.  The bottom line is however I think we handled it or didn't handle it, we didn't get through to that poster and so I do agree, we need a better way.

 

I am not here to re-hash that discussion, because honestly I am mad about it and in the long run, no one should care about that as much as we do about helping the next dog that appears in the next rehome discussion, and we all know there will be another dog soon.  There is absolutely no way to control a discussion like the one yesterday or the others before that because unless we send out a script to all of our members telling them to please not respond emotionally or negatively to anyone trying to rehome their dog for any old reason, someone is going to respond passionately and get someone else mad.  At first, the thing that upset me yesterday is that people who had not read the comments or offered any assistance to the poster were critical of those of us who did, but since those people are some of the ones I respect the most here on DK, I also know they care as much about these dogs as I do and even if we don't agree, they have a right to their opinion.   Trust me, when I say that is a hard one for me :) I also know there is a wide range of people on DK with varying opinions and sometimes we have to put aside our personal feelings to get something done for a dog that needs our help.  I also know that behind every comment is the need to help a dog.

 

It seemed to me that the majority of the responders to Sherri’s post felt like we hardly ever talk anyone out of rehoming their dogs once they post and we should just respond with the facts and keep emotions out of responses.  With that said, I think the discussions are right to be on the front page, but I think we need a link or something to refer the person to the DRC or IDog and after that, I hope the discussion gets closed so no further comments can be made. 

P.S. Please note: if you disagree with me I will close the discussion :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, Great comeback :) We will work on the name later! LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, We hope you never give up. We love the banter!!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I'm not sure we're ever going to find the perfect solution to the "rehoming discussions on DK issue".  With as many members as we have, we really are a very diverse group - despite being connected by our love of doodles.  And when one considers all dog owners, the core beliefs are all over the place.  My neighbor keeps "Bear", his big ol' dog, in a dog run in the back yard - a very nice, well-kept dog run - but a dog run nonetheless.  On cold nights, he "lets" Bear sleep in the garage.  I'm sure no amount of talking on my part could convince him that he's doing anything "wrong".  In his mind, he's a very responsible dog owner.  Likewise, most of the individuals who come to DK seeking to "rehome" a doodle truly believe they're doing the responsible, caring thing - trying to find a loving new home rather than just dumping the dog in the country to fend for itself or to drop it off at a kill shelter.  Doesn't make it right (at least in my mind), but it is what it is...   

[Camilla and Darwin]

I usually don't respond directly to the posters because I would just link them to the rescue sites, which is always already done before I see the discussion. Perhaps I should take more time to contribute with good ideas and suggestions to the posters but I really don't have any.

Like I said in Sherri's discussion, I hate the thought of trying to convince owners to keep their dog, because if they don't want the dog, it can't be in it's best interest to stay there. Unwanted dogs are sad neglected dogs, if they could get into IDOG or DRC they'd be better off. I can understand offering helpful suggestions when they have a medical issue that can be solved. But when it's just about regular dog behaviors, or kids, I know they aren't going to put forth the effort. They don't want to work at it, they just want to easily and cheaply get rid of it because it's not fun for them anymore. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

As I've said before, my real problem is when someone gives up a dog for health issues or severe behavior issues. For young healthy doodles, it is not going to be a problem finding them a wonderful new home. For a sick dog, especially an older sick dog, they are not necessarily going to be better off losing their home. And again I will ask everyone here, what are the rescue groups going to do with them? Who is going to take care of them? Where do the money and time come from? Do you deplete your reserves and tie up a foster home for months when with that same foster home and that same money, 6 or 8 or 10 other dogs could be saved. And even of you have the resources, many treatment plans (or training programs, in the case of severe behavior problems) simply cannot be implemented in a foster home; they require a committed owner.

Before you answer this here, answer one question for me honestly in your own heart. Would you really take JD? You might want to, but could you? I honestly don't think anyone here can say that there is any circumstance in the world that would justify my trying to rehome him.

 

 

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Karen, you are a saint. I know that as much as I would want to, I couldn't do what you do for JD. I don't have the resources and Winston has all but maxed me out.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I couldn't have done it before I was retired either, Sherri.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

And I'm not a saint, very far from it. I just love him.

[Christine & Camus]

And, therein lies part of the answer - "I just love him."  I cannot believe that most who are looking to re-home their dog does truly love the dog, some in dire situations perhaps, but most not.  Sadly, nothing we do or say can teach love.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Sadly, Karen, this is the dilemma in all of medicine not only for dogs. How much in the way of resources can we afford for people who have terminal illnesses, for the chronically ill elderly, for people in nursing homes? An issue too complex to have been solved to date in a nation where many people suffer for lack of affordable health care for problems that may be easily treated?

And no. I will be honest. I could never commit to taking on JD at this point in my life, with the responsibilities I have to my dogs and my own limitations.  I think sometimes about the restraints his health has put on your freedom and resources but I know it is a choice and commitment you have made.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Exactly. But I would never expect someone else to do it, if I couldn't.  

[Susan, Schuester and Olive]

I'm fairly new to doodle kisses. I have just finished reading all the posts and I am struck by how similar Utah and Ryan's rehoming situation is to Wally and Sherri's. Both of these people, I think, must have felt letdown by the negative comments. Bottom line in my opinion is to read between the lines. Both of these people felt like they were doing the best thing possible for their pets. They had already made up their minds. So, for the sake of the poor dogs, help these people find homes! My Olive was a re home. The breeder worked for quite awhile trying to help Olive's family keep her. Finally, it became very clear that Olive really needed a new home. And now she has one! The most important part of all this is the dog or puppy. Not one animal should have to live where it is not wanted. Now I'll get off my soapbox.