Do You "Feel Sorry" For Your Doodle?

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Over the weekend I came to a realization that many of you saw in my blog.  I realized that I was "feeling sorry" for Murphy because he had come to me as a puppy who was being rehomed.  He had certainly not been abused, but he had been through a lot of changes for a very young puppy.  I'm pretty "soft hearted", so I felt really bad that he had to go through this.  I "pampered" him from day one.  I wanted him to feel really safe and secure....and especially loved.  So we created "Murphy's World".  Well I now know that wasn't at all fair to him.  It translated into my training expectations of him, and even the way I perceived him.  Now Murphy and I are "paying the price for this", and I'm trying to think of him as the really smart, perceptive, and yes, "manipulative" dog that he is.  It's a "mindset change" for me, and I know it will take me a while...but it's something I need to do for both of us. 
I know a contributing factor is that I'm now retired, and I spend lots of time with my Doodles.  I'm pretty obsessed with trying to do "everything right" for them (and that's a tall, if not impossible, order).   I'm wondering if any of you have had the same feelings.  If you have, how did that translate into what you expected in terms of behavior and training?  Are your expectations less because you are thinking about what they've been through in the past?  How did you get beyond that...or how do you think you will get beyond it going forward?
I should end by saying that I truly "get" that my perceptions are not what they should be...but they are what they are.

[Barbara B., Sasha & Oliver]

I know exactly where you are coming from. I got Sasha at 4 months old. She got very sick in June and relapsed this past August. I baby her WAY TO MUCH but I almost lost her ( my justification ). Sasha and I took dog training classes and I do require respect from her, she has her boundires and is a very quick learner, but at times I do let her get away with breaking the rules (counter surfing). With Oliver (3 months old) follows in Sasha's foot steps, Sasha will be 1 yr. on Thursday. I have read many books about dog training and it is better for everyone, including the dog to live with boundries and rules, it makes for a happy dog and happy owner. It is difficult but must be done, I believe and learned that dogs thrive much better in a controlled environment and are much happier...... just my opinion.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thank you, Barbara. I agree with your opinion, and that's the direction I'm heading.

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Jane...."feeling sorry" for my Murphy would not be in my vocabulary. I think all of our doodles live very cushy lives and I know that you have more than made up for any sad times in Murphy;s life. He's over it, so now you can be too. Give yourself permission to enjoy who he is now.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm really trying, Sue. Thanks!

[April Cliber]

Feel sorry for Murphy, LOL! I want his life!! Next time you want another dog, you ARE adopting me!!

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Heck April, I already plan to come back in my next life as Murpphy (and Bella) !!!!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Jack and I are also paying the price for my feeling sorry for him. After reading your blog, I have come to see that I need to get over this for his sake, and come up with a plan.
When I adopted him, he was 14 months old, and afraid of his own shadow. I was completely baffled as to what to do with him and how to help him. He had behaviors I couldn't even understand or describe. He seemed to be afraid of everything outside of our house. He did not eliminate for 36 hours after I got him. Outdoors, he would slink rather than walk. When extremely frightened, he would freeze. I had never seen these things, let alone dealt with them. Yet, he had perfect house manners. He could be left alone with the run of the house from the third day I had him, and never had an accident, never counter-surfed, never jumped up, never went in the garbage, never destroyed anything, never begged for food, didn't bark more than once or twice, didn't nip, was beyond wonderful with kids, knew "leave it", "wait" and "drop it"...so all he needed was to get over his fears and learn to walk on a leash, right?
We went to socialization classes. Lots and lots of confidence building, going places, meeting people, seeing sights, hearing sounds, desensitizing. It helped a lot. Then basic obedience, "positive" training methods only. Food rewards. Jack is not food motivated. Sit, down, heel, come, stay. He never got "stay", he was too anxious when I left him. After all, this was a dog who wouldn't walk ten feet over to the scale at the vet's office to be weighed unless I went with him. I certainly wasn't going to let him be afraid, poor baby. It scares you if Mommy walks away, honey? Okay, Mommy won't walk away from you. No "stay". And "come"...well, he doesn't want to. He's afraid. It's dark and wet out here in the yard and he doesn't like it. He doesn't want to come out here, it scares him. Okay, honey, you don't have to come out here. Besides, why does he need to learn "come"? He's glued to my side most of time anyway. He wouldn't leave me on a bet. No "come."
I signed up for an intermediate obedience class and asked for my money back after the first one. Use a pronged collar and a leash correction on this poor dog? Smack him under the jaw? Actually make him do something he doesn't want to do? My poor scared baby? You have to be kidding.
After all, why did he need any more training? We had no problems. He was easy to live with, well-behaved, and walked well on leash. And he was so sweet and so pitiful. Poor dog.
Poor dog no longer automatically sits for a treat. And he gets away with it. After all, he just had to hold still while I put that awful lotion on his feet. He's a good boy. Why should I make him sit just for the sake of formality? He deserves a break, poor dog.
As he's gotten older, freezing and slinking has turned into barking and lunging. Now he is reactive to strange dogs while on leash, and to strange men coming to the door. It has escalated to the point that once he gets going, I absolutely cannot handle him. Most of the time, I am successful in watching for signs of a reaction and heading it off. Today he saw the furnace repairman at the door before I did. His leash sliced through my finger, and I broke two nails before I got him into the bedroom. I'm lucky I didn't break a hip. It was like trying to stop a locomotive.
My name is Karen, and I feel sorry for my dog. Which is clearly not doing him any favors.

[BG and Gavin]

A very raw and powerful confession Karen. I hope it helps you and Jack in your journey together. I think it will help others who read it. Thanks for posting.

[Adina P]

Karen, I'm pretty sure you'll be reporting that Jack has his CGC. It's my prediction for next year =)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Wow, that's kind of inspiring. Hmmmmm....

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Wow. Karen. That was a very powerful and passionate entry, and so easy to understand how you felt. I'm glad that you didn't break your hip. It must be scary for both of you when Jack has so much power. Sounds like maybe he has gotten all the mileage he is going to get out of his history. My money is on you.

[F, Calla & Luca]

It is human and I guess dog nature o get away with what we can. But Karen, you might want to rethink pinch collars. Believe me, I was glad to have them in Ocean Grove on Sunday when the squirrels were practically taunting the dogs. The dogs thought about giving me a hard time for about a nanosecond and then realized it was not to be. We older gals need to keep our hips and other body parts intact.