Do You "Feel Sorry" For Your Doodle?

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Over the weekend I came to a realization that many of you saw in my blog.  I realized that I was "feeling sorry" for Murphy because he had come to me as a puppy who was being rehomed.  He had certainly not been abused, but he had been through a lot of changes for a very young puppy.  I'm pretty "soft hearted", so I felt really bad that he had to go through this.  I "pampered" him from day one.  I wanted him to feel really safe and secure....and especially loved.  So we created "Murphy's World".  Well I now know that wasn't at all fair to him.  It translated into my training expectations of him, and even the way I perceived him.  Now Murphy and I are "paying the price for this", and I'm trying to think of him as the really smart, perceptive, and yes, "manipulative" dog that he is.  It's a "mindset change" for me, and I know it will take me a while...but it's something I need to do for both of us. 
I know a contributing factor is that I'm now retired, and I spend lots of time with my Doodles.  I'm pretty obsessed with trying to do "everything right" for them (and that's a tall, if not impossible, order).   I'm wondering if any of you have had the same feelings.  If you have, how did that translate into what you expected in terms of behavior and training?  Are your expectations less because you are thinking about what they've been through in the past?  How did you get beyond that...or how do you think you will get beyond it going forward?
I should end by saying that I truly "get" that my perceptions are not what they should be...but they are what they are.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Wow, Karen. I'm so excited for you and Jack that you've gone through this introspection and have arrived at a place where you can begin to move forward. I know what that took....remember I'm in the exact same place with Murphy. So, join us in the new Training group. Lets work on this together. It's going to be tough going for a while, but we'll all have one another for support and those occasional "reminders". Maybe we can figure out our "plans" together, with lots of great input from our DK friends. This could be a pretty exciting "ride".

[Camilla and Darwin]

Darwin has had a pretty cushy life, so typically no, I don't feel sorry for him. Some days though, I start feeling life his life is SO boring and I feel terrible. This usually happens when we've gone 4-7 days without him seeing other people or dogs. I try to compensate by doing lots of training with lots of treats. Then his tummy gets a little upset. Then I REALLY feel bad. Oh boy.

I think doodles are just so adorable and loving it's hard to resist spoiling them... :-)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh yes. I'm the same way when we've had several days of rain, and my guys don't get their "good walks". I feel awful....like somehow I should have been able to control the weather.

[shelly]

Yes! Yes! and Yes! I admit it... I do feel sorry for Tori.... I constantly worry about her eating... since she had the pancreatitis episode... I am afraid to give her certain 'doggy' treats, if she's mopey - I obsess, I put aside what I have to do before I go to work and play with her because I feel bad that she'll be without us all day. So yes, I do treat her differently than I thought I ever would treat 'a dog'...

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh what brings out the "guilt" more than a sick puppy....and it's amazing how long we can hold on to that!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Bottom line. My name is Nancy and I am lazy about making my dogs do what I know they should or shouldn't do. I need to have a New Year's Resolution in October to become a happier dog owner by better training my dogs. And not making excuses for Clancy (poor poor rescue) or Gordie (ADHD sweetie) and bringing Ned up to his potential.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Yea, Nancy!!!!!

[Adina P]

It's hard for me to feel sorry for a dog that presently is living a good life. I feel sorry for the dogs I see on Animal Cops who are neglected, mistreated, or abused. I feel sorry for dogs I see wandering the streets because I fear for their safety. I feel sorry for dogs that are unfairly treated. I feel sorry for dogs left matted or full of ticks or malnourished or obese or in pain. I feel sorry for dogs stuck in shelters for weeks on end, stressed out and barking their heads off with only occasional company. I RARELY if ever feel sorry for my dogs. I feel temporarily sorry for my dogs when the weather is awful and they are stuck inside or when I accidentally step on a toe.

I don't feel sorry for rescued/rehomed dogs in healthy, responsible homes. Their lives are now NEW. Their past may have conditioned them to react in certain ways, but they are not suffering or living a sub-par life any more. They aren't thinking of their past or mulling over the unpleasant times they had. And most all of the responses they've learned from any 'bad' in their previous life...well most of it can be unlearned.

I've never felt sorry for Thule. She was our rehome who we got when she was 11 months. She didn't have a bad life before. She had to change people, that was probably stressful, but she was always happy and joyful from the start. There was nothing to pity.

I've never felt sorry for Boca. She had a tough start, but she doesn't know what Parvo means. She doesn't know she came from a breeder that dumped her. To her it's just a bunch of experiences she had, adventures in foster homes, and now is our happy pup. It never even dawned on me to feel sorry for her. She survived Parvo! How lucky is that!?

[Adina P]

I was just reminded of a story. I have a friend who is sort of a training mentor. I only know her because of a training discussion group I'm in elsewhere. She's not local but I did get to meet her at a training seminar and I ask her training questions by email all the time.

Anyway, the first dog she trained is a pit bull. I forget how she acquired this pit bull but this pit was a rescue of sorts. She was a mess. Separation anxiety, and all sorts of reasons for someone to feel sorry for her. Well this girl did not feel sorry for her. Instead, she decided she just couldn't handle this super needy dog she was helping...and decided it would be best to find her a different home. But...she didn't think anyone would want the dog in its current state. So she set out to train it to make it adoptable. She trained it to be a fully off leash dog...and in that process the dog became transformed, they totally bonded and well...of course she decided to keep her =)

This was a dog trained using corrections and praise. She was held accountable for her behavior (not her anxiety per se, but learning commands and obedience) and she flourished. She became a new and confident dog and was no longer needy and anxious and all that difficult stuff.

This isn't meant as an example of what training anyone should do. BUT to me it is a great example that when you do NOT feel sorry for your dog, when you give it credit for being a perfectly capable being able to make decisions and learn and face challenges and win, then you and your dog are capable of SO MUCH!

[F, Calla & Luca]

This is a great anecdote and a good example for us all.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

This is a great inspirational story. Thanks, Adina....perfect.

[F, Calla & Luca]

My dogs are good and I'm not so good at training them but that is usually not a problem for us so I don't take the time to change things. I realize that everyone is looking at this from a training standpoint but any feeling sorry for my dogs has nothing to do with obedience for me. The only thing I really feel sorry about is that I think their lives are boring. They mostly do nothing! I do take them wherever I can. They go outside often. Sometimes they come on errands, play ball with me or a neighbor, go for a stroll, go to a romp, etc. Sometimes they even can eat out with me but that's rare.Yet most of the time they do noting. That's when I have to remind myself that's because they are dogs. They could watch TV with me but they hardly ever do. I'd let them read but they can't. They can't talk on the phone. Even though they get along well the play together only some of the time, mostly outside. Otherwise they sort of ignore each other. If one goes on alert the other may respond too. They are not helpful in the garden. In fact, they are dogs and dogs sleep a lot. They don't usually ask for much. So I try to remind myself that they are living good lives and I don't think they are unhappy. I think some of the feeling sorry for our dogs comes from anthropomorphizing them. If they are taken care of, fed and comfortable they are happy. And we should be happy with them. And if they are creating a problem for us, themselves or others they should be trained to stop the behavior, learn a new one etc. I don't think all dogs need to have the same level of training any more than all people need to go to college or graduate school.