Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Pat and Traveler]

Thanks, Bonnie.  I can see one in the yard right now, probably planning still more dastardly attacks.  :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Pat, Thank you for my laugh today. OMD....I enjoyed this comment. Squirrels drive my two nuts, too, but so far they have stayed out of the house. The nerve of them cutting off your phone. LOL

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

On the serious side of things, someone in my area a while back was putting out poison for rodents. Apparently they succeeded in killing a family of squirrels. Someone posted warning signs for dog owners all over the neighbourhood, to be careful what the dogs get into. Scary! I'd much rather they eat goose poop than squirrel poison!

[Ann Kendig]

Good point!!!

[Pat and Traveler]

Sherri--scary stuff!  I'd never consider trying to poison squirrels, or any animal.  But aside from humane reasons, I've read that poisoned rats/squirrels/etc. tend to die in attics and wall spaces and the smell is unbearable.   

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I can vouch for that. a squirrel died in our chimney once when I was a kid. It took us a while to figure out where that awful smell was coming from... YUCK!

[F, Calla & Luca]

I had that happen years ago, awful.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Good point, Sherri!

[Ann Kendig]

Hahahahaha, Boy did you make me laugh, Laurie.  : )  This post is especially close to my heart and I feel your pain not only on walks but on the home front.

Groundhogs and geese...UGH!!!  We have 2 geese that must come back to our pond every year, according to the neighbor.  Poop everywhere!!  Thank goodness Sheba and Duke don't consider their droppings a delicacy like they do some of the other varmints and cats that are so inconsiderate as to do their business all over our yard, dock, deck, picknick table etc.   One of these days I will take revenge and make my way to their den, nest and what ever type of dwelling they live in and I personally will take care of business there and leave a little something for them!  Let's see how they like THAT!!!  Lol  Sheba and Duke are now buddies with the geese that inhabit our pond.  I swear when we are on our walks past the pond they actually give the geese a little nod as if to say hello.  ARGH!  I keep telling the dogs I am going to get a border collie and train it to scare off the geese.  This border collie will get to eat out of their pans, lay on their beds and I will even let it up on the couch and they will have to lay on the floor.  All would be well if those darn geese would just poop in the neighbors field.  

On to groundhogs.  I have been sleeping on the couch a lot due to my inability to sleep and my husbands ability to snore.  When I toss and turn I keep him awake, when he snores I put a pillow over his face.  (OK, I don't do it but I picture it in my mind as I lay there wide awake.)  Anyway, while I was laying on the couch watching TV I heard a ruckus under the front porch.  The noise would stop for a little while and then start up again which would send the dogs into a barking frenzy.   Hubby got out of bed to see what was up.  I filled him in and suggested he get out the trap after work and hopefully we could catch whatever was under the porch.  He didn't get out the trap and for days when I heard it (night or day) I would proceed to pound on the wall by the door, yell, jump up and down and the dogs would start barking and the sound would stop.  I was getting a little miffed at my hubby so I took it upon myself to do some research on the internet on what it could be and how to catch it.  I figured it was a groundhog.  I made sure I read to my husband how they can put a hurtin on your foundation and how much ground they can move.  The mated pairs stay together for a while but I think the male is chased off when the female gives birth in April or May.  Babies??  OH NO!!

Over the next days we did see something run under the porch when we pulled into the driveway but we couldn't determine if it was a racoon or groundhog.  So, one night as I laid on the couch wide awake as usual, I heard the noise.  The dogs heads popped up and they both looked at me as if to see if I was going to turn into the crazy lady and if they were allowed to join in.  As I stood up they started barking, I walked to the front door in my nightly attire (that I wouldn't want to be caught dead in) and proceeded to open the front door, walk out, jump up and down on the front porch and bang on the walls.  I figured hubby was already awake when the dogs started barking.  He came out and asked what I was doing. I told him I had a really bad day and was trying to relieve some stress.  He just looked at me asked what kind of impression I was trying to make on the neighbors.  I asked him if he wanted this to continue until mama groundhog and her babies were gone.  The trap came out the next day.  I loaded it peanut butter, dried cranberries and blueberries.  First day we caught a racoon.  Poor thing had to stay in that cage all day in the rain until hubby got home.  I was going to move the cage into the garage but when I went to pick up the cage it growled at me.  Well, guess who didn't get to go in the garage?

Next night I used the cranberries, blueberries and some of my favorite Cracker Barrel jelly that "accidentally" went home with me at our last visit.  IT WORKED!!!  We all loaded up in the truck and took the little varmint waaaaay out in the country to a big woods and turned it loose.  Goodbye ground hog and late night crazy lady on the front porch.  I told my husband he needed to set the trap again to see if we could maybe catch the mate and suggested he climb under the porch to see what damage was done and I offered to hold the flashlight. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

LOL, Ann, I would have given anything to see you jumping up and down on the porch in your jammies!

Instead of border collies, get yourself a couple of swans for the pond. They've done that at a couple of places here and supposedly it keeps the geese away. Of course, maybe then you have to deal with swan poop, but at least they are prettier than geese, lol.

[Ann Kendig]

Looking back it was kinda funny, Karen. Sometimes ya just don't care once you get pushed to your breaking point. lol

Actually, the previous owners had a mated pair that showed up and stayed for quite a while but sadly both of them were killed by a fox. I would take the swans and their poop any day over the @$#$#*& geese.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

OMD, that must have been some fox. He's the one I would worry about, lol!