Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Katie and Sophie]

haha I really feel for you!  My parents have a golf course in northern Michigan and we spent a lot of time running around there as kids.  We had (and still have) an abundance of geese that populate the ponds there, and let me tell you, those things are MEAN!  They will chase you and hiss at you and bite you.  They have no problem standing their ground.  I used to be terrified of them, and I still keep my distance.  We have gone up to visit them in the time since we have gotten Sophie and she has gotten to run around the golf course and play.  This is where I really see her Australian Shepherd side come out because she herds them!!!  Its actually really cool to watch her natural instincts come out as she rounds them up and get them out of there, and of course my dad loves it, because as far as he's concerned the less goose poop on his fairways the better!  She would never touch them and does a good job of keeping her distance, plus she thinks it just about the most fun thing in the world.  

[Bonnie and Kona]

It's so great that Sophie has the opportunity to "work" sometimes. Such a lucky girl and lucky for your dad, too.

[Katie and Sophie]

I love that she gets that opportunity too!  you can see how proud of herself she is when she does it too!  she starts trotting around like she's a show pony or something.  haha

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Send Sophie our way. She can round them up for us :) I love that herding instinct. Our friend has a Border Collie and he herds everything. LOL

[Katie and Sophie]

She would be happy to do it!  she doesn't do the heading thing all the time.  Just with birds really, but that works for me!

[Camilla and Darwin]

Sounds terrible. Luckily I've lived in the city near places where the only annoying distractions are rude barking terriers. LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Camilla, You are lucky, although I would not like non-stop barking dogs any better :)

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, I am really sorry those critters are ruining your walks. We don't have any of those critters to worry about unless we purposely go looking for them. We have come across an occassional rabbit and a moose or two on our walks but that's it. Quincy does consider chasing the rabbits but comes when I call him off. The moose, on the other hand, have me doing a 4 minute mile in the other direction. Thankfully I know just the people who can help you out and from watching the show on TV these guys will eat just about anything. Here's the number if you want to give them a call.

318-387-0588

You had better be careful, if the word gets out you have declared war on those critters, you may see this coming down your driveway.

[Bonnie and Kona]

OMD, Donna, too funny!

[F, Calla & Luca]

LOL.

[Ann Kendig]

OK, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Seriously Donna? They are Canadian Geese, can you please take them back?