Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I guess I'm fortunate. The groundhogs are under the shed. It is ready to fall down and hopefully the groundhogs will be....

[Becka]

Relocated? ;)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Ha, hope not.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Scot, Thanks!! I will keep this offer in mind :)

[Colleen, Jake & Baxter]

I just took this picture on my camera phone!  Earlier this week I strained a calf muscle trying to run away from the parents and strained it.  I could barely hobble home I was in so much pain....apparently we had gotten too close when passing by and they came after us:(  so geese are not high on my list......

[Ann Kendig]

Awww, you poor thing.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Was Jake with you? Did the geese come after you with your doodle? That's crazy! They can be so cranky, tame or wild ones.

[Colleen, Jake & Baxter]

Bonnie-yes Jake was with me and he would have been very happy to defend me but I didn't give him a chance....all I know is that when they start doing their up and down head motion they are ready to attack...lol.

In addition, several people who I thought were my friends :) are laughing about my injury because I have not been able to walk with them in the evening and I was doing so well..ha...ha

[Bonnie and Kona]

Darned geese! Hope that calf heals quickly. My DH is a runner and calf muscle injuries are his rare but most frequent complaints.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Colleen, I hope you feel better. Those darn geese :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

They can be vicious. Hope you heal soon.

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious, Laurie!  I can see why your walks are super-challenging.  Thank goodness, we don't have geese or groundhogs in the immediate walking area.  I know many people have squirrels, but not like the squirrels that are my arch-nemesis(es)!  They have nested in my car engine compartment, snacking on the wiring harness, and rebuilding the nest every day for several days, even after the car had been towed, repaired for a shocking amount of money, and returned to the driveway!  Part of my morning ritual was to raise the car hood and remove the branches, twigs and leaves.  They moved from there into the attic, redecorating with a festive display of Christmas paper and whatever else they could find.  They chewed the phone line and disconnected me from the outside world for over a week--who knows what they were planning to do while we were isolated!  All I have to do is point at the ceiling and say 'squirrel' and Trav goes crazy, barking and leaping.  I considered boosting him into the attic, but I don't trust these squirrels and suspect they had traps set up there.  I have become an expert squirrel trapper, a skill that I couldn't figure out how to include on a resume.  Things have been quiet recently, but I'm sure they'll be back.   I think I should start packing too.  In fact, I'm a good shot with a .22.  We could take riflery for P.E. in Montana.  LOL