Ever Have Second Thougths About your Doodle?????

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

After dealing with another medical issue with Sydney are we the right Doodle Moms?  As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I ask, Have any of you had second thoughts about having brought your Doodles into your homes?  Well, we have......both Kathy and I have had conversations many, many times about Sydney our first Doodle......As tears stream from my eyes, I must share with you that Sydney was not what each of you know what a Doodle would look like as you brought each of your Doodles into your homes. We have been disappointed not only with how Sydney looks, but the fact that she sheds and most importantly, that she has had lots of medical issues from the time she was a puppy.  We grew up with that "guilty complex" that keeps us fom what others would find easier to do what suits their lifestyle.  I know that resentment towards our breeder is not the answer.  Perhaps finding out what the "Reason for our having our "SYDNEY" may be the answer some day.  All of you on DK cannot probably relate to our feelings since we see how your expectations have been met.  We are wondering what is the real reason to have Sydney in our lifes?

[Nicole]

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this way.  We dearly love our Winnie, but I have had to give up the dream of that perfect doodle.  We chose a doodle in part because of the no or low shedding.  We knew of course that there would be a chance of some shedding, but Winnie SHEDS!  She just has to walk past us, and we are covered in fur.  Her hair flies all over the house.  It is on the counters, on the stove, in our food.  I vacuum twice a day and brush her, but cannot get any control of it.  I used to love having family over for dinner, but now I don't dare, because no matter how careful I am there is always a hair in our food.  We have lint rollers in the car, by each door, in the kitchen.  I could buy stock in it.  Aside from the shedding, Winnie has to be the most difficult to train dog I have ever had. (Well, I have only had two others :).  But every time my husband and I seriously think of giving her away, we just can't do it.  She is part of our family, and none of us are without our faults, so why should she?  But when I think of that shedding for another 15 years or so (she is only 1 now), I could cry in desperation.  But, then I see her and the kids cuddling, and it seems worth it.

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

Winnie looks very adorable.  Yes, we have hair on our counters in our refrigerator, on our food and all over our clothes.  Black used to be our favorite color.  Now we tell all of our friends to wear jeans when they visit us.  We also are very embarrased when visitors stop by unannounced since our house usually needs to be vaccumed twice a day.  We have two Dyson vacuum cleaners and are looking into  a third.  We did not get the non-shedding dog but we did not even get a Doodle disposition.  YIKES Sydney is truly testing us and presses our buttons day in and day out!

[Nicole]

Yes, Winnie is cute, and looks the shaggy doodle.  But, she is very difficult to train, and has horrible manners.  But, I recognize that fault lies with us in no small part on that one. Our previous dog was a Golden Retriever that we loved until he died of old age, but the shedding was what was driving us crazy all the years.  He was all love, and just learned everything so easily.  Our older Springer Spaniel also listens beautifully, and learned so easily. Both lived to please us.  We haven't quite found what motivates Winnie.  Until we got her I thought I was a pretty good dog trainer, but she proves me wrong every day.  Maybe that is the reason we have her in our lives, to humble us :)

 

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

It is worth it! You never know what you are going to get, I'm sure she loves you unconditionally. Hang in there.

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

Nicole, I read a great book which may help you with Winnie.  The book is "What Color is Your Dog" by Joel Silverman (Animal Planet Host and Hollywood Dog Trainer).  I met Joel at a Dog Expo.  He is quite impressive and seems to know different dog personalities.  After reading the book and trying to determine Sydney's color, I found that Sydney is at the extreme end of the color spectrum and the best thing I can do for her to get her to cooperate and relate to me is to touch and stroke her lots in those sensitive spots as her neck and behind her ears.  It seems to calm her and get her to relate to me.  Dogs that are very hyper don't respond to treats or verbal comands like dogs that are more mellow and are eager to please.  The book is an easy read and you can flip through sections that apply to Winnie.  Let me know if you have a chance to read it and how it works out for you and Winnie.  I still think Winnie looks to cute to be so ornory like our Sydney!

[Nicole]

Oh I will definitely look into getting that book.  She certainly has her own color!  Actually I always think she has that aloof, non committed "cat personality".  I will let you know how the book works out for me.  It sounds promising !

[Ginny Nightingale]

I have a two wonderful doodles and one that is a bit of a terror--I too love her dearly, but the house is definitely a different place because of her. She guards the house and barks too much--she takes all the toys--even from her own son! --she is very pushy and bossy--and even though she has a lovely soft wavy coat, she does leave a lot of hairs around. She is not mellow or outgoing or even overly friendly! And there are others out there who have anxious doodles, shy doodles, misbehaving doodles--you name it! I think that when you come into a "breed" with certain expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It is impossible to guarantee that a dog will be a certain way due to his or her breed.In my opinion, this is true of doodles for sure but also AKC recognized breeds. I once had a Wheaten terrier (a breed known for their calm, friendly manner) that was an absolute nutcase and a Lakeland terrier (a breed known for high energy) that was as calm as can be!
I am glad your Sydney has found a loving home and people that will put up with his issues--as hard as that may be. This happens to parents all the time! You can't guarantee you will get a perfect kid either, but you really can't send him back, can you!?

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Ginny- I thnk you may have Myla's twin!! She is actually exactly how you describe-I feel so bad for my first Doodle!

 

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

NEVER a second thought. When we found Myla (our younger one) we picked her up and she was this little dirty runt of a puppy with the shortest legs possible, we thought she would never get any taller. Her color was real dark and beautiful and under more observation we fund that she has a SEVERE underbite and the family never told us about this-the vet said as a puppy all you can do is watch the growth progress. She still may have problems later in life-no she's not a perfect doodle and acts like the tazmanian devil or like she was raised by cats but she loves her sister and us so much and I wouldn't have a second thought about her because I hate to think of the alternative to this deformed runt doodle andwhat may have happened to her. I am blessed with both of them and they are the best part of my day even all the cleaning I have to do because Myla sheds and I do have allergies myself. I just think it comes with the price. Having a doodle is priceless to us. I like the suggestion about the book Nicole suggested. So don't think that our expectaions have been met as far as a perfect looking non shedding doodle because both of ours are not but they love us and they are family that we seeked out at our own free will. Pease hang in there the reason you have Sydney is to show you uncoditional love.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Gail, I know you have touched on this subject previously in a blog about our Honey. I am so sorry you are having so many medical issues with Sydney and some second thoughts. All I can say, and it probably won't help, is that Sydney is lucky to have you and maybe the reason she found her way to you and Kathy is because someone else might not have been so tolerant. Without you, she might have ended up being bounced from home to home or worse. I can also tell you that we have two daughters. One was born prematurely and had tons of medical issues. It was so scary, not what we expected at all, and sometimes we didn't know what to do to make things better. Our other daughter made friends easily and has always been good at everything and our premature daughter struggled with many things because of her medical issues, but what she had was tremendous courage. Each tiny step that she took meant so much to us and maybe it wasn't done the same or on the same time table as other children, but she always got there or found a way to adapt something so she could do it too. Maybe your Sydney isn't like another doodle or even your expectations of what a doodle should be, but possibly her accomplishments have to be viewed differently. I know it is not easy, but try letting go of your doodle expectations, because Sydney is not going to measure up to those, and find new ones for just Sydney and believe me, that is easier said than done. I truly admire you for admitting your disappointment on this forum and continuing to search for answers. Also, trust me when I say, my dogs are in no way perfect.

[Jennifer and Jack]

Hey My Jersey Friends,

 

I am really sorry that your baby is having health issues. I am glad that you feel comfortable to be open and honest on here and share how you feel. It is very brave to say how you feel that you are less then thrilled with your doodle on a website where most people, myself included, are absolute hopeless doodle addicts.

 

As you can see, other people also feel the same way as you. I personally think Jack is perfect, though he isn't. Because though he is little and he tends to have more toy poodle tendencies then a big dood would have, I love him more then I love anything alive.

 

I guess, for me, Jack was a package deal. I took the good with the bad. He is mine for as long as he and I are both alive.

 

For me shedding would be an issue because I can't breathe that well around dog hair, but I also can't breathe with all the pollen his coat is bringing into the house so I have had to make adjustments. Air filters, extra vacuuming, brushing and baths.

 

Can you shave your dog down low so that the shedding is less? My friend has this brush that really takes a lot of the hair off the dog and it cuts down on the hair in the house.  I can't remember the name right this second.

 

Is it the health problems that  are bothering you, or is it how expensive it is to fix her? If you are looking for the purpose of your baby, I would say don't compare her to others. That is how I get myself in trouble all the time, I compare myself to other's my age who have children that I can't have, or who are planning for a retirement that I will never live to, or my friends I went to school with who now are Nurse Practitioners when I had to stop at just an RN... but then if I look at it this way, I get to spend more time with Jack. I get to see meaning in things that a person who takes for granted that they are going to live forever miss even though it is dead smack in front of their face. I get to spend more time with family, I get to not have to work every day, even though I want to more then anything, I try to take what I have and make the best of it, make it work for me and then settle on the fact that I can not change anything so I have to like it or lump it but either way, nothing is going to change.

 

IMO, if you want to fall madly in love with your baby, don't look at other doodles and compare her with others. Look at her for the worth that she has, look into her eyes, I have never met any dog that is not incredibly loyal and even if she is not overtly affectionate, try to think of things you love about her.

 

I know this may not be a popular response,, but if you feel like you can not love her, and at best you are just providing for her, I would try to rehome her to someone who can love her for who she is. I don't mean that you don't love her, but a dog deserves total love.

 

I don't fault you or blame you, if it wasn't what you expected then it just wasn't and there is no shame in being honest. You are a good person. I think it was brave of you to post this and I pray you find the support you need and the answers you need to do what is best.

 

To me, if you have tears in your eyes, you do love her. I am sad for you, for your sister and for your dog. This is not a win win situation, but I am confident you can turn it into one... Focus on the things you love about her.

 

 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

My experience was a little different than yours, as I was not really looking for a "doodle" when I adopted Jack. I was looking for a medium sized, young adult poodle mix, preferably female, preferably black. He was so much NOT what I wanted that I left the shelter without him the first time I met him. I spent three days searching my soul and even after I went back to get him, I definitely had my doubts. Learning that he shed worse than any dog I've ever met didn't help. I had passed by dozens of wonderful dogs because they were too big and they shed. Here I was with a huge shedding dog. Not what I wanted, not who I expected to be sharing the next 12 years of my life with. And then, of course, there were the health problems. And the fear issues. Lots of second thoughts.

I turned to a trainer/behaviorist for help. I found her name in the phone book, as I searched in desperation for someone who could help me understand how to communicate with this strange scared dog. The woman said the tension in my voice was giving her shooting pains in her neck, just over the phone. She suggested that maybe, this wasn't the right dog for me. Maybe this wasn't "my" dog.

A few days later, she came to meet us. By then, I was sure of one thing...the same thing that had compelled me to drive back to the shelter and bring him home after all, in spite of the doubts and the disparity between who he was and what I wanted. He was my dog. Shedding, fears, size, color, genetic defects, and all. Underneath all of that, he was exactly who I'd been looking for. I was just looking with the wrong eyes, looking but not seeing. And so I told the trainer that day, with no uncertainty at all, "I've thought about what you said, and I can tell you one thing. This is "my" dog." And she looked at me and said "Then let's get to work."

They find us. I really believe that.

To quote Pam Houston, "...the exact right dog will always come into your life just when you need him most.The world gives us everything we need just when we need it."

That's the lesson JD has taught me. Look what he's brought me. Among many other gifts, including a whole new "career" in rescue, he's brought me all of my friends here. Not bad for a scruffy, shedding puppy mill dog that somebody dumped in a shelter.

Sydney came into your life for a reason, and she has gifts and lessons to share with you. Sometimes it takes time to see just what they are. But I have no doubt that you will.