FRUSTRATED!

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

I was very frustrated when I logged on this morning and saw that the individual that posted asking for help with teaching their child to behave around the doodle had deleted their question and left.  The timing of this post could not have been better (or maybe worse depending on how you look at it) because of the DRC issue the day before that I discussed in my response to her.  If you didn't see the original post, the individual was asking for help with her 5 y/o and the way he was treating their doodle.  Seemed to possibly be some jealousy and he originally was hugging very tightly, laying on it, etc but had now resorted to hitting and kicking.  This struck me as a very serious situation because the DRC had just been frantically searching for a rescue to take in a Doodle that was only hours away from being put down because it was labeled as having guarding issues with food, toys, people, you name it.  Why, because it had been mistreated by the children in its home.  It needed a home without other dogs and one with a very experience foster parent.  As you know, all the experienced DRC fosters have dogs already (or at least I assume they do).  Anyway, the DRC couldn't help but was trying to find another rescue to step up before the Doodle was put down.  (and one did, so all is well for now).

The one main reason (among others) that I now keep coming back to DK (since we do a lot of chatting via FB now) is that there are always posts like this.  Being involved in rescue to a small degree we see dogs come into rescue for this very reason over and over again.  To me, it was a very serious situation that needed addressed ASAP.  A couple folks responded with some good ideas ahead of me.  I tried very hard in my response not to sound judgmental, but to somehow get across the urgency of the situation ... sometimes that is really hard to do.  I felt immediate measures needed to be put into place before the child was bitten and the dog was then surrendered with a "behavioral issues" label.   I read, tweaked and re read my response over and over again to try and get the point across, without seeming harsh.  WHY, because I didn't want this person to leave us.  I wanted them to stay here and tell us what they had put in place, what they were trying, how it was going, and let us lead and guide them through this process.  I didn't want them to be offended, embarrassed, feel judged, or think we didn't care, because we do.  Each and everyone of us care.

To the original poster, if you happen to come here again, if I offended you in any way, I'm sorry.  That certainly was not my intent.  I had hopped that you would realize just how serious the situation was and that you would let us help you get through it.  Many of us here have had issues that were beyond our knowledge and ability to fix and we have helped each other and referred those who needed it to experienced trainers.   Many people here are first time dog owners that have gotten in over their heads and others have had dogs for 30-40 or 50 years.   We judge no one who is asking for help. 

[Shoney & Ruby]

Beautiful post. Thank you. I read the post with the child and was alarmed--as a professor of education and long-term teacher--the child's behavior frightened me. I didn't have time to write a response--and am saddened that the poster seems to have left. I thought the responses were passionate but fair [a time out for the child, but also lots of love time with dog and parent]. People are very defensive about their children [understandably] and here, of course, very defensive of our dogs in general. 

[Sheila & Finnley]

I am sure you didn't insult this person at all. My thought is that she is one of those people that would ask for advise,

(and on this particular problem, that was a smart thing to have done.) However the advise given, was not to her liking, so she got bent out of shape, and in this case removed the post, and her account. Don't fret over her, I guess we should hope she will work on correcting this child before this poor puppy has an OOP's moment!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Sherri, Thank you for trying to help this person. While I didn't see the post, all of the comments here are well-stated. Maybe someone with a similar situation will read them and be helped. I'm glad you have brought this to the attention of DoodleKisses again.

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

I also saw the original post and did not respond because I thought the few comments that were posted were very well said and thought out.  I even thought to myself..."for a serious situation, everyone was very helpful and kind". 

I hope she does continue to read what everyone posted and come back...  We have tons of smarties here that can help her and her doodle...

[Stella]

I also read this post and the responses given. Like many others I did not respond because I felt that the advice given was good and I had nothing extra to add. I was surprised when I came back later to see not only had the discussion been closed, but that the lady had closed her account. I don't think any of the replies given were offensive in any way, they all showed concern for the child as well as the dog. If you are posting about a difficult situation, you might not always like the answers that you receive. But why ask if you aren't prepared for the responses? She must have known that DK members are passionate about their doodles and would be honest in their answers.

Another one I am worried about is Kurt who posted about the "most aggressive doodle ever". Many of us went to lengths to post about our own experiences and give advice. He did not respond to any of the answers given. I tried again later to reach out and see how things were going, because I was concerned he was going to euthanize the dog, but he never responded. Did any one else hear from him??

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

An idea might be to change the title of this discussion from FRUSTRATED to...

• Attention Mom with Misbehaving Child
• Mom seeking help for Child and Dog
• RE:   Helping kids treat the doodle nicely
  ..

This way, maybe after her initial anger she will know we want to help. Members have signed back on after the fact on some of these cases. This way, she will see this discussion.  

As frustrated as she became, I doubt she will want to read another discussion that says, Frustrated.  

Just a suggestion. 

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

Sherri- you are so compassionate and so very kind.  I hate that you are stressing over this.  I wish DK (or any forum) could reach all the abusive owners, intentionally abusive or just plain ignorantly so, but that is a long hard road.  To the credit of this site, many of you keep trying.  Thank goodness for the successes, so sad for people who reach out but then withdraw.  I am not a "prayers" kind of person, but do feel compelled to keep special thoughts for that poor little doodle AND that poor little boy who is seemingly being allowed or at least condoned to treat a dog this way.  the mom did reach out, let us hope she does so again before, well, just before.  

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Very well said, Lori. 

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

Thank you Karen, means much.

[Emily, Bentley, & Maserati]

I saw the original post and I think you posting this is very appropriate. This is an excellent post. 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Sherri, I saw your post and your response was direct which was extremely appropriate.  She asked for advice. Sometimes the truth hurts, but we still need to be faced with it.  Thank you for responding appropriately to this woman.  I hope she just needed some time to mull over the responses.  The situation sounded dangerous for both the dog and the child. Deliberately being mean or hurting a more helpless being, should be a wake-up call for the adults. Her child has issues that must be addressed sooner rather than later.  Hopefully, the responses alerted her to the fact that her son's behavior is not the norm and she just needs some time to figure out what to do.

[jenn D]

I'm sorry she left. I wish I could have responded as well. This topic is such and important one for me for a few reasons. First, both the safety and security of both dog and child. It's a dangerous situation and abusive for the poor dog. I applaud the woman for reaching out. I wish she wouldn't have left. Second, I have a special needs son that can get very rowdy. I know some of you know about my daughter who is a leukemia survivor. Not sure you know about our other child, Alex, who is our son and grace's younger brother. He had 3 strokes in utero and as a result he has cerebral palsy, epilepsy, vision impairment and sensory processing disorder. Often times he wakes up full throttle and very energetic (ok that's major understatement). He walks funny. Sometimes he flails his arms around wildly. After seeing an MRI of his brain the doctors said they were surprised he could even walk or talk. But he did and if you look at him, he really looks like a normal 6 year old boy. We've had to put a lot of rules in place to teach him not only how to behave around dogs (and animals) but also how to give them space. I would have liked to help her. It can be done with desire and commitment. I don't know if the child had any medical conditions but I know that can exacerbate things. I felt like everyone's responses were very sensitive and valid and I applaud the DK community. I also understand as a parent or caregiver to a special needs kiddo, your parenting style gets scrutinized by friends, family and even strangers so you can very easily feel like you are getting attacked. Thank you all for trying to help her. I pray that she can get some help for the child, keep the dog safe in whatever way is best and find clarity.