I think I need to get rid of Stew...UPDATE!

[Jess & Stewart]

I haven't posted on here in awhile. Long story short, Stew has been really great lately, UNTIL YESTERDAY. He's out of the crate in the mornings, I have a tall baby gate up, the dog walker puts him in after their walk and he's fine until I come home. He barely notices when I leave. He'd been so good lately that I hadn't been recording him. He'd been listening, happy, fun,.playful, snuggly, just getting to be a great dog etc. 

I have an appt with our trainer next week because he's been really stubborn with his harness and come He just sits or lays down and doesn't move at all towards me, then when he comes he tries to bite the harness and isn't very cooperative. But I didn't need the guarding or separation anxiety addressed. 

Yesterday, I get home and my dog walker's note said that he was the on the other side of the gate and opened my bedroom door and grabbed a pair of shoes but didn't chew them. Nothing else seemed out of place. This morning when I leave, Stew was on guard, wasn't his usual aloof self. Made sure the gate was latched/locked shut and put something heavy in front of my bedroom door. 

Get to work and open the app website, Stew isn't in my living room and there's someone in my apt!! I freaked out, then realized it was maintenance guys installing my dishwasher. I rewind the feed and Stew JUMPED over my 41' tall baby gate. Apparently maintenance talked to another Jess with a dog, that dog was going to be put in the bedroom. So when they saw stew got into my bedroom, they just shut the door. 

I freaked out, called my landlord and said I didn't know people would be in my apt and could they please put stew in his crate like last time. Landlord says they will. They don't, then they leave and i can't see what Stew's getting into. So I was in panic mode until my dog walker could get there at 10:30. 

Dog walker got him and took him out and I asked her to assess the damage. I'm freaking out that he chewed clothes, my moving boxes I had piled up etc. 

I really can't take all this worrying and stress. Stew's been SO great, no issues for months now he started this again. It really affects me and I had just stopped worrying and thought this was our new normal and he'd just continue being a great dog. I'm so jealous of you all with minimal issues--I feel like I put so much into Stew and wanted him so badly and he's the worst dog I've ever encountered with weird issues. I wish all my family who had dogs and mocked me for it (i have one & you don't) had issues while I had the 'good' dog. Sigh.   Of course, after all that freaking out, Stew didn't chew anything, just saw a shirt I wore yesterday on the floor when I got home. Closet door was open. He also barked when I tried on my new pair of jeans & I asked how they looked. That stinker. I got to the hardware store & got hook/eye closures. We'll see if they work.

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Since he was quiet and nondestructive being gated, that still sounds like your best solution if you find an inexpensive way to raise the gate.  Poor Stew, what a day he's had. He must be very tired after trying to get the dishwasher to leave :)  I hope the two of you have a nice weekend!

[DJ & Chance]

Great advice from so many who posted here.   I would only emphasize that your emotional state has a big impact on your dog.  So working on keeping the emotional "explosions" at a fairly low level will help Stew feel more secure. So-called belly breathing--bringing air up from the belly through the diaphragm, inhaling and exhaling slowly-- is a technique that works for me.

[Jess & Stewart]

The overreaction happened at work so Stew was non the wiser, he just happened to have excitement going on in his home & got to "play" in my bedroom for 2 days.

It's really more internal panic/worry/my mind goes a million miles a minute. I expressed my worry out loud today & my officemate was a bitch about it. Said I shouldn't be periodically checking on the dog & should focus on work etc. she's also 64, hates her job & wonders out loud everyday if she should quit. I don't bitch at her for that, lol. Little dd she know, I haven't even recorded him in a month & just happened to do it for the past few days just to see how quiet he was LOL.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Could you install a screen door on the door where you want him kept and close it instead of a gate he can jump?  I had some friends who use a decorative screen and fasten it to the door frame with eye hooks.  I know some dogs are very smart about getting out. 

[Jess & Stewart]

Hm, I'm not sure. My living room just has an open threshold & I have the baby gate secured to both sides of the wall. I did say that I might as well just ask if I can install a door next since he's smart about getting out.

[Judy, Meg & Polly Wolly Doodle]

This is a beautiful idea.  I love it.

[Laurie, Wally & Charlotte]

It sounds like your Stew finds comfort in being in your bedroom, so why fight it, and just let him stay in there? Why don't you make your bedroom dog-safe and confine him in there when you're away?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have been thinking about this post and decided to comment today. Frankly, I am amazed that Stew was fine with all the activity going on in your apartment when you were not home. You had strange men coming into the apartment while he was alone, they put him back in your bedroom which was different than his normal routine, and all he did was grab a shirt. The day before he jumped a gate and grabbed a pair of shoes. Big deal! Our Vern has to still be watched around waste baskets and socks and he is five. 

I honestly think the problem is not Stew at all, but the fact that you are very nervous since Stew is your first dog. I am sure the Aspergers contributes to all of this and I know that is out of your hands, but if I could give you one piece of advice it would be to try lighten up a little with Stew. He is just a dog and none of them come perfect. I could write a book on Fudge and Vern and all the stuff they still do wrong. The word "perfect" would never be used to describe either of them. 

I also think Stew senses your nervousness and doesn't feel that you are in charge and this is the reason for all the guarding, etc.

If you were my daughter...and because I like to give advice, lol....here is what I would tell you to do.

Leave Stew in your bedroom. It sounds like this is where he wants to be. Crate him if that makes you feel better, but personally I would try and leave him for short periods of time in your bedroom out of the crate and see how he does. Maybe he is ready to be out of the crate in a smaller space. Make sure if is dog proofed and see what happens. Leave a TV on for him, a Kong or something, and see what happens. 

Try to train yourself to watch him less at work. Sometimes, I think all this new technology makes our life harder not easier. Sometimes, what we don't know, can't hurt us. Thousands of dogs have been raised and lived long lives without being watched all day. 

Get a new trainer if this trainer can't help you on these simple issues. 

Have fun with Stew. Laugh at his antics. Try to stop sweating the small stuff and find ways to engage with him. Maybe he would like agility or swimming or something that the two of you could do together for fun.

Maybe he doesn't like the harness. So what? Does he have to have a harness? Try something different.

As for the come command. Make it fun. Jump around, sing, laugh, call his name and reward, reward, reward when he does it right. 

Stop labeling all of his behaviors. I think he is just a normal dog with a quirk or two...they all have them. No dog likes for their owner to leave, but it doesn't mean he has separation anxiety. He may just be bored alone and need more exercise. 

As for the resource guarding. I think he senses your anxiety and fear and until you can change that about you, Stew isn't going to be "fixed".

Don't post in anger or frustration. Give it a day or two until you have calmed down.

I honestly don't believe Stew is ever going to be the dog you have invented in your mind as to how a dog should be and if you keep struggling to make him into something he is not, you will never fully appreciate the wonderful dog he is and can be. He is Stew...no more and no less.

Jess, You can do this with Stew. I know you can, but if you have reached your limit, there is no shame in saying this wasn't the right dog for me.....this wasn't the right time.....and reaching out to Doodle rescue for help. Good luck and I wish you all the best. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I think this is perfect advice. 

In addition to "Don't post in anger or frustration. Give it a day or two until you have calmed down" I would add, please don't use the words "get rid of" in connection with your dog, ever. It makes some of us see red, and it affects the way people view the rest of your post. 

I can also tell you that if strange men came into my home when JD was here alone, he would have grabbed more than a shirt, he would have also gotten a piece of the person wearing it. :) 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Karen!! I can't imagine what Vern would do if a strange man walked into our home. 

[Jessica, Loki and Moose]

I know one of mine would freak out, maybe be a nervous wreck or just go ballistic and the other would probably try and eat whoever walked in, comforting since I am a young girl living a lone in a busy area!

[Rosemary (Ro) and Enzo]

AMEN! Thanks Laurie, for what I ( and probably many of us ) was thinking, but could not form the right words to put down on paper!

My personal favorite: : I honestly don't believe Stew is ever going to be the dog you have invented in your mind as to how a dog should be and if you keep struggling to make him into something he is not, you will never fully appreciate the wonderful dog he is and can be. He is Stew....no more and no less.