Life Lesson: It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it....

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

I have not spent as much time on DK as I used to.  I do read posts often but I do not comment and I do not post many discussions or blogs at all.  I find that to often I feel very bad for people that are reaching out for help, have questions, are in general uninformed about certain topics, or have had to make decisions that they probably wish they did not have to make. 

 

I feel bad for them because without fail it seems there are members just waiting for people to say something they can criticise or judge.  Even when people are pleading not to be judged some just cannot resist being condescending and judgemental.  I find humor when people defend their mean-spiritedness stating that this is a group with open discussions and people are entitled to their OPINIONS.  I never realized that to be an opinion you had to be judgemental and critical.

 

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows o...

 

Here are a few definitions I had given to my 13-year-old daughter last school year when she seemed confused about how to react to certain comments made by her school peers.

 

question  - noun

1. a sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply.

2. a problem for discussion or under discussion; a matter for investigation.

3. a matter of some uncertainty or difficulty; problem (usually followed by of ): It was simply a question of time.

4. a subject of dispute or controversy.

5. a proposal to be debated or voted on, as in a meeting or a deliberative assembly.

 

statement   - noun

1. The act of stating or declaring.

2. Something stated; a declaration.

 

opinion  - noun

1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.

2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

 

judgement - noun

1. an act or instance of judging.

2. the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.

 

judgemental  -  adj

1. of or denoting an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made.

criticism  - noun

1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything.

2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.

  

compassion - noun

1. a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

 

empathy  - noun

1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

 

respect -  verb   

1. to hold in esteem or honor:

2. to show regard or consideration for: to respect someone's rights.

3. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.

4. to relate or have reference to.

 

 

 

Giving criticism tests your communication skills. If you do it right, you can change it from a stinging, negative message to a positive, motivating experience for every member that reads it.

You may be frustrated, angry, annoyed, peeved, apoplectic or slightly uncomfortable. But if you approach criticism with a temper or an angry demeanour, you are less likely to think straight and may say or do something you wish you hadn’t, or others to feel embarassment for you disregard for people being humans and not perfect.

Stop and ask yourself…why do I need to criticise someone else? Simple question, not so simple answer.

 

Because they have failed, botched, screwed-up, or not performed to the level I expected, I have to let them know how I feel about it. 

Really?  Someone asking for help, asking questions, being uninformed, making a decision you necessarily don't agree with or someone just making a statement, you have to let them know about it by being critical and sometimes downright rude and mean?  God help anyone with a low self-esteem.

Here are a few quotes I thought about while going through posts today..............

• Judging others is a dangerous thing, not because you may make a mistake about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself.
• We may ask for information, but we are usually only interested in what confirms our opinions.
• A narrow mind and an open mouth usually go together.
• Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
• Never judge a man's actions without knowing his motives.

 

There are many, many, many members on DK that are awesome! Whether I agree with all of their opinions or not they handle themselves with finesse.  At the end of the day doesn't everyone want to feel good about themselves and how they have treated others?  As my mother ALWAYS said "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it".

 

 

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Do we know that for sure Joanne? I really can't cope with the thought of it. Let's just burry this one and never ever think of it again. It's just too much to bear.

[F, Calla & Luca]

AFAIK  we do not know that.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

What we do know is that the members of DK have rallied around and supported anyone who came to us for help with the costs of a health issue, including helping to raise the funds for Hurley's surgery and for DRC dogs we didn't even know. People were offering to help pay for surgery for those 2 megaE dogs last week.  Certainly, we would have done the same for a dog we knew and an owner we thought we knew. But we weren't even asked or made aware of any problem until it was too late.

 

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Exactly!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Of course, Regina wasn't spending the cost of Hurley's surgery on a new puppy, either.  

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

This is exactly what I was thinking. We all would have helped!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

but that's just it Laurie, he didn't want any help.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

That is the really sad part!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

I have been so sick about this.  What I do know for sure is that this person makes no mention on his page of his 'past' dog. As if she never existed.  All there are are cute puppy pictures of the replacement.  I am sorry that I didn't comment harshly and call a spade a spade. I agree so much with Joanne. 

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

My comment to him about my rehomed foster has been deleted. He obviously didn't want to hear what I had to say.  For those who don't know, as I was picking up my foster from her first mommy, she mentioned that her breeder was giving her first pick of the next litter.  Her breeder was so sorry that her 8 month old had not "turned out as expected!"  I wanted to scream "WTF!!"  Did our dogs just "turn out" or did we help them through the growing-up process??  I can tell you this...Knox needed help and still needs a bit of help everyday!  Oh, goodness...I'm getting all worked up again...

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

And how disgusting and cynical of a breeder to 'make a sale' based on the last one not 'working out as planned'.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

My question was HOW DO I SAY my response?  Now that we have all kitchen sinked this discussion lets go back to ....... It is not what you say, it is how you say it. 

Well tell me how to say nicely- This is the worst thing I've read.  I'm here to learn. Heaven knows, I had no idea  criticism is a noun and judgmental is an adjective.  I'm poor with grammer construction. 

I  just want to know how to express my feelings to a person that got rid of  a dog because she is too expensive and buying an ALD the next week?

Denise suggests we show compassion, empathy, and respect to the most disturbing post.

I don't know how. So someone tell me.  Anyone?