Not loving him so much.....

[Nadia]

Ok...so I will start by saying please don't judge and this may be a long post.
For many years I pushed my husband to get a dog. I never had one growing up and I thought it would be great for our first born. He refused. He had grown up with a chow mix and knew how much work they were and didn't want to deal. As the years went by I had two more children. My oldest has Tourette's and my middle son is on the autism spectrum. I brought up the dog issue again because I knew there was a benefit for my two sons being they had these disorders and I knew my daughter would just love having a dog around. I figured it was a win win situation ( the boys would have a dog to calm the anxiety and we would add an addition to the house). I should mention that Bentley is now 10 1/2 months old.
I now feel that it was the wrong thing to do. I am not in love with him. I kinda like him. I hate that I have to leave early for everything so I can take him out. He has destroyed my house and my furniture. He is constantly barking and jumping on people and cabinets. I can't even have people over because he doesn't stop barking or jumping. We have spent a lot of money on training that seemed to work in the beginning but now it's like he didn't learn a thing. Wish we could do more training but money is just to tight right now.
He seems to be more added stress than anything else. My husband is constantly telling me " I told you so". I am feeling very frustrated and overwhelmed.
I have thought of giving him to another family that may have a better grip on the situation and know how to handle him but the kids would be totally and completely heart broken!!!! They adore and love him so much!!!!
Am I abnormal for not loving him the way they do? Am I a bad person? I am almost in tears about this.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Regarding the training, it's not really a case of being able to spend money for more training; it's that you have to reinforce the training that he's already had, every single day. It's not something they learn once and then they know it, and it's not something that gets "done" in the sense that now the dog is trained and will stay that way, like when you paint a room, it stays that color, lol. It's more like cleaning a room; you have to keep doing it, it doesn't stay clean. The actual learning takes place day in and day out when you are not in class. Consistency, 5 minute drills and practices throughout the day, making sure that the rules are always enforced by everyone. If jumping is not allowed, it's not allowed ever, period. That means that he gets corrected every single time he jumps. If sometimes he gets corrected for jumping and sometimes he doesn't, he learns that jumping is always an option. You have to practice sit, down, stay, off, etc. on a daily basis, with rewards for doing right and corrections for mistakes. It takes on average 300 repetitions for a dog to learn a single command, and then it still has to be reinforced every time. He must also always be supervised, because every time he gets away with jumping on someone or destroying something, that reinforces the undesirable behavior, too. So as Donna said, if you can't commit to this, rehoming is probably the best option.  

[F, Calla & Luca]

Nadia, maybe there is somebody who is a DK member who can help you out and who lives near you. Try looking for help in the Long Island or whatever group covers your area. I in fact know someone who might be able to work with your dog. I would have to ask her first.

[Adina P]

I don't think you're a horrible person.  Your feelings just are.  And you can't force a bond, can't force the enjoyment of a dog.  Before having kids my dogs were my life and I LOVED spending time in training and they were my kids!   I think, now, I would LOSE my mind with a puppy.  I couldn't handle it.  Motherhood is far too busy, stressful and involved to add a young, out of control pup to the mix.  My dogs get significantly less attention now.  I feel some guilt over this, but it is what it is.  I can barely give my kids the attention they prefer, let alone spend major individual time with each of our two dogs.  They go with our flow and hang out with us.  They still can do things that are a PITA and I get annoyed with them more often now (now that I have two kids) for some things, but they aren't puppies anymore.  

For the sake of your kids, I would try to make it work.  But it all depends on whether you can put in another year of effort.  I think you'll see improvement over the next year with a little time daily.  If you'd like suggestions, I'd be glad to offer them, as would others, for the individual issues you're struggling with. Also training doesn't have to cost you more MONEY.  It only truly costs TIME because all the classes in the world won't make a difference if you're not putting it into daily practice. That wasn't meant judgmentally...just matter-of-fact.  I didn't attend classes or hire trainers (though I had some who helped me over email/phone because they saw how serious I was about training) but did it all myself.  I put in major time.  I got GREAT results.  But once baby #2 showed up, I let things go majorly and didn't maintain training (use it or lose it!) and the former 'great' results have gone to pot ;-) 

So I know, from experience, that it's not about $$ but about time. 

I'm also not afraid of using confinement: crates and gates and occasionally leashes.  For example, if the kids are in bed and Clark and I are trying to watch a show without constant wrestling, barking out the window, or ringing of bells to go out, I will leash up Boca (my busy body doodle) and then she settles down and we aren't getting up every 5 minutes for something.  And if my kids have toys ALL over the floor I confine my dogs.  If I have company over who doesn't love dogs, they wait in the mud room.  It can be managed. Luckily two dogs can get their energy out together by running and chasing each other in the yard. 

If you can spare 30 minutes a day (total...it doesn't necessarily have to be all at once) in training and some time in play/exercise, I think you'll gradually see a big improvement in annoying behaviors. 

You have to make the best decision for your family that you can live with too.  But if you want to work on ways to keep him, you'll get lots of help here. If you decide it will never work, then as much as some of us will be sad, I won't judge you. Just use a reputable rescue agency for rehoming.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I agree with Adina. I got Peri phk (pre human kids).  My Chihuahua was 5 and a "dream" dog really. I thought "what have I done" for the first 8 months I would say (she was hell on paws).  We had her for 3.5 years before having Charlotte our baby girl.  Now the dogs are pretty well trained and do well with the baby.  But I cannot imagine having a puppy right now with a 1yo.  I think you should try to train as much as you can, confine when needed, etc...  if you could possibly find time for formal training, I would try. I did 4 classes with Peri, got her CGC, etc....  she is not perfect, but she listens and RESPECTS me most of the time. And that takes time refreshing those commands (all over the house, different situations, etc...).

I agree with so much of what Adina says here. Also Lucy & A's advice below. 

I think you should try to hang in there because this is a rough age for puppies - they really test the waters here.  Good luck and If you find you cannot manage, please contact the DRC or idog for rehoming.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

You have gotten some great advice here and everyone feels your pain and wants to help.  I agree with what has been said but just wanted to add a few things.  1)  Is hubby on board and helping and being consistent with the training.  If not, then he needs to get on board or it is never going to work.  Consistency is key.  Everyone has to give the dog the same signals.  2)  You mentioned you have been to training.  Pull out the book/papers you were given, re read them and then start incorporating those things into your daily routine.  Practice sit all over the house.  Sit for his food, sit to go out to potty, sit while you fix his food, practice down while you fold a load of laundry or fill a sippy cup.  Keep him with you and just incorporate these things as you go through your day.  Don't hesitate to put him in his crate for nap time just like the kids.  When the kids are napping maybe you go outside and have a little bonding time.  Throw a ball or blow some bubbles for him to chase.  Use lots of praise and keep treats in your pocket all the time for training rewards. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Good practical advice for every new dog owner! 

[Miss Ellie]

Oh Nadia...my heart is just breaking...you are going through so much...I wish I could just give you a big hug. My thoughts are with you and hope that everything works out the way it's meant to be.  Just know that all his issues are normal puppy behaviours that he most definitely will outgrow.  Having a puppy in the house is not an easy time for anyone but especially for someone as yourself who already has so much that you have to deal with.

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

You have received great advice so far. I just wanted to add that I applaude you for being so honest with yourself and posting this to ask Dk for their opinions. This is not just a case of the dog being an inconvenience or the wrong color or look that you wanted. You have a lot on your plate and I bet there aren't many of us who have a whole lot less to deal with who haven't said "What have I done? This puppy is just too much". So without worrying about what others think, just realize what is best for you an your family. It just may not be the right time for your family now, and that's ok.

[Nadia]

I want to thank everyone who have posted their great ideas, words of wisdom, advice and who have private messaged me. It is very comforting to know that there are great people who sincerely want to help.
I am willing to really take the time out with him and go over all the techniques that we learned in training. I know that everyone else in the house is also willing to do the same. I know that somehow we all have slacked off in the training department and some of his behaviors are partly our fault (not following through). I know we can find time in our busy schedules to do so and I am sure (hoping) that with time he will pass this puppy stage and that with our continue efforts on training that he will become the dog that I envisioned him to be.
I have to try if not only for me but for the kids and Bentley to at least give it a try. When I came home today from picking up the kids from school I teared up seeing all three of them playing with him and how happy they were with him and to see him after a long day. I have to at least give it a try before giving it up.
Thanks again everyone!!!! Training advice is and always will be welcomed :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

I am glad to hear this.

[Adina P]

:-D

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Here is one more suggestion for you.  Buy a car harness for him and when you go to pick up the kids at school, take him with you.  Csr rides are a great way to tire him out.  You want him belted in though so that he can't jump out when the kids are getting in and out.