OT -- When Does Middle Age Become OLD

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Ok, I'm way off topic here, so just ignore the post if it isn't something you are interested in.  This has been bugging me a lot lately so just wanted to see what others experience has been with this!   When we made the decision to leave Florida and return to Ohio about 4.5 years ago it was because my parents were entering their 70's and although they were as healthy as ever, we just wanted to be here and be settled in the event it ever got to the point where they needed some assistance.  It ultimately has been a good decision in that although their hasn't been any major medical crisis, there has been a few times where it was good that we were here.  As I've been going to some of the doctors appointments with them and the occasional ER visit I'm noticing a trend that I really don't like at all.  I'm hearing words from the Doctors like "Once you are 70 we don't operate for that any longer".  "You will die of other issues before this cancer will kill you, so we don't treat it once you are 70".  Or, my all time least favorite ... yesterday my Mom took my Dad to the ER.  Now to get an understanding of why this bugs me so much you would need to know that my Dad is like the energizer bunny.  He just turned 75 in January and although he has slowed down some in the last few years he can still work circles around any of us kids and most of the other people I know.  And when I say work, I'm talking about loading and unloading wagon loads of hay from the fields, building houses, etc.  Not office work.  Yesterday when my Mom took him to the ER, when they registered in, the lady at the desk pick up the phone and called to the back "We have an OLD man out here".    WTD ?   When my Mom told me this I was appalled.  That isn't an old man, that is my Dad and my Dad could work circles around you lady!  He also just recently hurt his back and the Doctor said there is no reason to do an MRI because they don't normally operate on backs after you are 70.  Both of my Dad's parents lived into their 90's, why if there is something wrong with his back that could be fixed would they not look at fixing it!  And stop calling him Old. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Gosh, when you are getting ready to turn 55, 70 does not seem old at all. I saw a sign before tax time that said, "$39.95 for Seniors, Age 55 and up," and thought since when is 55 a senior.  My mom has not encountered this yet and so far, her doctors have been willing to treat her. I think saying into a phone, "we have an OLD man out here," is just plain rude in any circumstances. Would it be ok to yell, "we have a fat lady out here....or we have a goofy looking man out here?" Personally, I would call the hospital and report that particular issue, because it shows that someone is working there with no respect for others. I also think cases should be looked at individually and not based on age, but I am sure the insurance companies are involved with some of these decisions. When our daughter was sick as an infant, I found out quickly that the "squeaky wheel gets the grease,"and I would not hesitate to argue if it ever comes time for one of your parents to need surgery. Until then, I hope they stay healthy and I don't think 70 is old, at all!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

I do take advantage of those over 55 offers though - gets me a cheaper meal!

[Becka]

How frustrating! I have had some unpleasant encounters with ER personnel and I wonder if some of them have trained themselves so well to be "professional" in the face of so much disturbing stuff that they end up callous and come off as uncaring. As for the "no treatment/surgery after 70" rule, well that just seems wrong--if someone is in good health at 70 and has been informed of all the risks, shouldn't it be their decision?

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Wow. Interesting. They were going to operate on my Mom's back when she was 82. This year they want to redo her wrists at 87. Don't know your situation, so I suppose it depends. Hope all is well with your Dad after yesterday's problem.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I agree with Laurie, that comment "We have an old man out here" is rude, unprofessional, and should be reported.

I don't know when middle-aged becomes old; I don't think there is a definite marker, like once you pass your Nth birthday, now you are "old". I was surprised when I started getting mail from the AARP as my 50th birthday approached. I was still doing weight-lifting competitions at that point, and wearing bikinis, lol. I knew I wasn't "old". Now, I'm not so sure; I turned 60 this past January. I do appreciate the senior citizen discounts, too, so I don't mind being "old" if it means I get an extra 15% off a really cute pair of size 2 capri pants in the junior department.

I think age is just a number, and labels like "middle-aged" and "old" don't mean much. I've known people in their 40s who seemed old to me, and people in their 70s who didn't.

But in your parents' case, medical care or the lack of it is involved, so that's a whole other issue than the labels we use. I agree with Laurie on this too, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Medical professionals have their prejudices and preconceived ideas about age just like anyone else. I think we have to make sure the doctors are looking at us as individuals and not just as an age, an "old person", or whatever.

When my mom was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia at 77, we learned that certain treatment options, like a bone marrow transplant, were not available to her, period. But other options, which might kill her but might also buy her more time, were available. The medical professionals discouraged her from trying them. I guess they thought that an extra year of life didn't make much difference at that point. My mother felt otherwise, and did indeed suffer through some horrendous treatments that almost did kill her but bought her an extra 10 months of life. That decision should be the patient's to make, not the doctors', regardless of age, and in order to make it, you have to have all the facts.

So keep advocating for your parents. I hope they both stay well!

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

I'm with you Karen on the Senior discounts.  Now that we are retired we are always looking for ways to save a little cash.  It is interesting to me that a hospital employee would be this uncaring.  I actually volunteer at this hospital and know (sort of) the lady that was working the desk at the time as I saw her when I got there.  I do feel like tomorrow when I go volunteer that I am going to mention it to someone, I haven't decided yet who, but I do feel that it deserves mentioning.  I don't want to get anyone in trouble, as I know everyone has bad days and things happen, but it was really just rude and totally uncalled for.  It is particularly interesting to me because in Therapy dog training, hospice training, and hospital training, I have been taught to choose my words carefully when I'm speaking to a patient or referencing a patient.  I'm to be respectful, and I'm not even being paid to be there.  The hospital just went through a big inspection where even the volunteers were given instructions for how to deal with inspectors if we encountered them (and to treat everyone as if they were an inspector because you wouldn't know) etc., and they were selected as a Top 100 hospital in the Country.  However, if that is how they treat their patients then I don't want to go to the not Top 100 hospital.  I do also realize that they do have their challenges as the lady in the room next to my Dad was looking for some "DRUGS" if you know what I mean.     She was yelling from the moment she came in the door that she needed some Percocet.  At one point she stopped the doctor as he was running out of our room because there was an emergency in another room and told him he needed to get her some pain meds.  He looked at her and said "You know what, we have a dying patient over there so I think you can wait".  He shut her right up.  In her case, the 15 people that had been nice to her weren't satisfying her, so finally I think he got the point across.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

When you go tomorrow, I would go right to the top and register this complaint - you can decline to name the employee, your dad or the exact time he came in so you aren't personal - this is only if you do NOT want to get that person in trouble. As hard as it might be though, I would quietly go to the person and tell her that perhaps she didn't realize how she sounded, but calling your dad old was offensive.  You might tell her that you registered a complaint but did not name names or times in order to be respectful of the possibility that she was unaware of that her actions were offensive.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

First of all, that's rude and should be reported.  No patient should be treated like that.

 

Secondly, 70 is not old at all. What the hell?  My parents just turned 60 and act like they are 40!  If a doctor tells me they will not perform some surgery once they are 70 I am going to tell them to shove it!  70 is NOT old and I am willing to bet my parents will still be traveling to Europe, working out every morning, and running circles around the hospital receptionists in 9 years.  I couldn't agree more that this is just plain rude.

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

70 is not old anymore, people are living well into their 90s. If the person is otherwise healthy, then why not do the surgery. They deserve to live their last 20 years without unnecessary pain

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Seventies is NOT old!  I  think that you/ they need to curtly tell the medical personnel that says that they you are offended and that you want to be judged on your over all health and mental condition.  I know that  many problems are age related and I hear that now in my early sixties.  Okay, fine it may be age related, but can it be fixed?

[F, Calla & Luca]

Calling your dad, or anyone, old in public like that is disgraceful. All of medicine is often weighing risk/benefit. That said some people can benefit from treatment at certain ages while others maybe harmed more by the treatment than the disease. Each patient should be judged individually. Your dad seems to have gone to cookie cutter doctors and needs to find new ones I think. I would certainly advise him to see another, well trained, recommended and nice doctor. Back surgery may not be the answer though. All too often it doesn't help and may harm.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I think Old is all relative. It sounds like your dad is anything but old. I find that policy very unfair and discriminatory. I would definitely fight it.