The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Oh my. I so much sympathize. I feel all the anguish and pain. On my phone, so I can not link the article but I'll vet back to you. Besides the obvious history, what comes next to my mind is the Dog's Developmental Stages, and Murph's age. Beginning some where around two, the dog becomes more protective of surroundings, people, the homestead. I'll be back with citations/references.
I just reviewed this because I had my own Nightmare week, last week with house guests, bad behavior, guarding, muzzles, tethering--and the guest leaving to sleep else where.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I know that you really "get it" Joanne....you are dealing with a very similar concern.  Sorry to hear that you had such a bad week too!

[Jennifer and Jack]

When I saw the first picture, I thought to myself if that is Hell  sign me up, what a pretty beach... Then I read your post and my heart felt so sad for you.. I could so picture the whole event and vacation. Teethered to a dog you love so much that is not acting like himself, feeling like a slave to cook for everyone...your dog being aggressive... No one understanding your feelings, sounds like hell to me.

 

I have to say, I can't fault your kids for wanting to wash the table after the dogs were standing on it.... I am a total dog person, totally and I would do the same thing... but the rest is not acceptable.

 

I think that  Murph was overwhelmed and didn't know how to respond in the situation.. and I think he probably picked up on your stress level too and was bouncing off of that.

 

Usually when I want Jack to behave the most, is when he acts out the most.

 

I know that you really love having them on vacation with you, but I would either consider bringing a crate with you for him to stay in so he can have safe quiet place to be when he is overwhelmed or I would get a dog sitter to come and stay in the house.

 

I know I love having Jack with me everywhere, but when I go  out without him, it isn't like he knows where I am or what I am doing....

 

I am so sorry your vacation was so bad....I hope you emotionally and physically recover quickly..

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks so much, Jennifer.  We're rethinking the whole "beach thing" for next year.  Murph and I can't go through this again.

[Carol Brand]

Bummer.  Too much stimulation for poor Murphy and he acted out.  He is just tightly wound and I'd say that he is hard wired that way.

 

Personally, I'd leave the dogs at home next time.  If you do have to bring them, I'd keep at least Murphy crated the majority of the day.  He gets a walk morning and night and gets to be loose in your bedroom at night but that is it.

 

Guinness is a good citizen and it sounds like he can be out, but I agree with your daughters.  Dogs on table?  Yuck!  Next year I would bring a scat mat to put on the table to keep him off.  You can make one of these by yourself by getting an office chair pad and cutting it to size.  Then put it on the table spikey side up.

[F, Calla & Luca]

This was a picnic table and a way to see outside. I think we all have different tolerances about dogs on furniture. I have family who say"Dogs on the bed, yuck." But I wouldn't have it any other way. Each to his own. Since I suspect Mom and Dad sponsor this event and it sounds like Mom does far too much work, I guess she should decide what's OK.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

F - I'm with you.  The "kids" need to pitch in and do some of this cooking for their own children, since when is Grandma the head servant?  Next year I'd have a list done up spread sheet style and given to each family ahead of times with "their" assigned tasks.  I'd rotate each family being responsible for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Even the smallest children can help set a table or clear some dishes with supervision.

[Sue, Lola, Pongo & Hubby]

Great idea, Jane!!! After all, it IS your vacation as well. I'm one of those people who can't standing sitting and waiting while someone else cooks and cleans for me, so I'd probably kick you out of the kitchen myself and take over for a meal or two lol!!! Lola has "carte blanche" at our house and my parents house to where she is allowed to go. She's a spoiled little doodle,. but we wouldn't have it any other way!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I love this idea of the "spreadsheet" with assignments, Jane.  Unfortunately I created my own problem with my daughters.  They play the "incompetent card" and I end up deciding it's just easier to do it myself.  Somehow they manage to feed their families when I'm not there, so you'd think I'd "smarten up".  We have made a decision that next year the girls will need to rent their own beach house....and cook their own meals.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

OMD...Jane, I have a blog in the works called Do You Know Someone Who Feigns Incompetence?  I know several...LOL!!! I started writing it last week...perfect timing. On one of our family vacations, my daughters and SIL sat around and watched me clean up after the meals, etc. and finally, I got really mad and screamed at them that I was not the maid, they were adults, and to get up and help. They did and every day thereafter. You are not the maid, Jane. Go out to dinner. Good idea about the two beach houses.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Good for you!!!!!  This will add to the quality of your vacation to be sure!

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

I can't really weigh in on why Murphy reacted, but I agree here that Mom was doing way too much work.  You may not have been able to control Murphy's behavior, but sounds like you could stand to control the DD's a little.  I would have handed the spatula to the first person that gave their "special" order and then I would have taken Murphy for a walk.