The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, This sounds like a horrible vacation. I think it was also too much for Murphy. Our Vern would not do well with all this commotion either. I don't even have him home during my cookie party. I pay my dog sitter to bring him over to her house and last year when he came home and some people were still here, he laid as close to me as possible and was nervous and this was ONE night.  He is just happier over at my sitters. You know Murphy better than anyone and he was probably as miserable during this vacation as you were. Not everyone likes vacations..LOL! Next year, maybe you could board the boys, or just Murphy, and shorten your stay. You are so lucky to be able to get together with all of your family (I know parts of a family vacation even without dogs can be stressful), but you should have been able to relax and enjoy yourself. The happier you are the happier your dogs will be when you get home. I am sorry about all this!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Laurie.  Vern does remind me of Murph.  I don't think Murphy would like a "cookie party" here either....unless they were dog cookies.

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

Jane, it sounds like you need a vacation after your vacation.  I haven't read through the comments so I'm probably repeating something already said.  Murphy sounds like Lexi with her ADHD.  They both do very well in a structured environment and excel.  But put them in a unfamiliar situation and it becomes to much for them.  At least with Lexi I can verbally discuss new situations and prepare her on handling certain situations that may happen.  IMO Murphy felt like he had no control and the one situation he could control was with Maddy.  Even though Murhpy and Maddy may have gotten along under different circumstances.  Maddy spoke Murphy' language so he took it out on her.

I have a similiar situation with Apollo and kids.  It only happens at our house anywhere else he is fine.  Most of it is probably due to the nephew from hell.  Even a year later after working with a trainer and lots of counter conditioning we still have problems sometimes.  It use to drive me crazy until I was able to realize Apollo just couldn't handle certain people or situations.  Once I was able to do this things started to get better.  Apollo can actually handle situations now that he couldn't in the past.  It probably helps that I'm more relaxed now. 

Have a drink and relax you deserve it. 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Tina.  How did the counter conditioning with Apollo and kids work?

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

It has been working really well once I found the right kids.  A couple of the kids were a little cocky or lacked self confidence.  After working with happy pet friendly kids.  Apollo can now be around kids that are a little shy.  He still doesn't care to much for kids that have an attitude but neither do I.  So I will give him that one for now. 

Kids can be running around playing while Apollo' is on leash, crated or on the other side of a fence without going crazy.  Apollo will even go up to certain kids to be petted.   Apollo gets over stimulated running around with kids wanting to play.  Since he is a big boy it can scare kids.  Then the kids try to push him away or raise their hands and Apollo goes into defensive mode.  As long as I'm around to stop the playing before it gets to this point we are doing great.  I don't think he will ever get to the point where he can be trusted unsupervised.

[Ellen, Brûlée, and Tira]

Jane, what a cool place to vacation.  And what a lovely tradition to meet the whole family to play together!  Murph is ok, and you are ok, too.  It sounds like your sweet fella just can't take all of the sensory overload that came with this vacation.  It could be him, but if he's ok now, that's not sounding like the issue.  You took away the outside stimululii, and the old Murph came right back!  Some people love cities, some love the country...Murph's the latter! 

 

Oh, your pictures were totally awesome!

 

Sorry the vacation went belly-up. But try to think of how you can plan your next vacation so it will be more relaxing for you and for Murph!  Breathe!  Nothing's broken...You're really a super Doodle-Mom, and Murphy's just a sweetheart of a home-boy!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks so much, Ellen.  I am starting to "breathe" today and put things back into perspective.  I think I was shocked to see Murphy display these behaviors and so disappointed after all of our training.  I may have to accept that it's just him....and love him for just who he is.

[Cindy M, Zachary & the Frenchies]

This is a very simplistic answer - but some folks are extroverts and some are introverts. I think that we don't acknowledge dogs intrinsic personalities and instead try to train them to a neutral state.. I would go crazy in a situation like that -  I am like Murph - just to much stimulation at once makes me twitchy. He might be the one that you take to the small intimate gatherings, and  let him sit out the huge family gatherings in the active settings. It sounds like Guiness is more of a party guy and can handle these chaotic events better ( I have a sister like him  - life of the party!).

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I think you may be right, Cindy.  Murph is definitely not a "party guy".  Thanks for the insight.

[cheryl & oliver]

Jane, I think I agree with the comfort zone thing.  He may be just the kind of dog that needs his home, his surroundings, and is possible afraid to be out of his comfort zone.  I am so sorry that u had such a bad experience.  Is Murph ok with the kids when they are at your house?...Is it possible that the baby accidently pulled at him, maybe he felt pain?  We know that Murphy is a great dog, and u are a great doodle Mom, but maybe this whole experience, with too many people, too many new sounds, and new surroundings just got the best of him.  I would wait and see what the trainor says.  Today we took Oliver to a new shopping center, and he was nuts, I have never seen him like he was.  We went to a new holistic and organic dog food store, and usually Oliver loves to go, he loves Petsmart, and that shopping center, but this was a new one.  He actually refused the cookie that the girl wanted to give him.  He only kept pulling my husband to go back in our car!!!..Once in the car, he was his usual self, and was calm.  we went to the shopping center he is used to, and he was absolutely fine..So maybe it is the same with Murphy, even though he had been there before, but a long time ago, he wanted his own security...Hugs to you and Murphy, and I am so sorry that u had this happen.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Cheryl.  I guess many of our Doodles are really thrown off by any changes to their routine.  It must be a whole issue of security.  I appreciate those "hugs".

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Jane, YOU ARE MY DOODLE MOM AND  TRAINING HERO so just get over that you did something wrong. It was too much confusion and noise for Murphy and too much stress for you (which Murphy intuited). As much as we want our dogs to be perfect, they just aren't.  I just posted that after our training, CGC certification, etc.  Clancy lunged at a lady - she was in his face, but still...... this was my mistake because I  assumed he was now perfect, and I wasn't watching.

Our kids can be such pains - we still love them, but they really need to get over that you are the only one who can do the work.  They count on the fact that you WILL do it and like little brats, they will let you. I will bet that they would NEVER do this if they were spending the week with peers.  Here are my suggestions:

Keep working with your trainer to help Murph become less stressed in large social places.

Rent a separate place from EVERYONE else (I see that you plan to do that.

Tell EVERYONE that you have retired from being the organizer, planner, cook, etc.  Tell whoever you think could be in charge, to take charge and you will participate on the schedule THEY plan. (Make some just-in-case meals you can eat yourself during that first week when you are alone - if the planning by the others falls through, you can calmly eat at your rental.)

If you take Murphy next year:

Rent for a week before the influx of other family,  even if it means that you only have the huge family part for some of your stay.  You can enjoy time with Murphy and Guinness getting them used to the strange, new place.

See if there is a doggy day care nearby and take Murphy to it several times - he will tire out and he will not be present 24/7 for some family activities.

And remember you are an AWESOME dog owner, you really are.