Vern and His Bathroom Habits!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I take my dogs on walks every morning.  Fudge knows to get her business over quickly and never disappoints me.  Sure, she has a tendency to wait until we are well away from a trashcan, but no matter, I don’t mind carrying a poop bag if it means the deed is done. 

Vern, on the other hand, takes forever to do his business and it gets to the point that I am following behind him chanting, “Vern, go poopy…Vern, go poopy….Vern, please go poopy….Vern, go poopy now….VERN, GO POOPY!”  I sound like one of those stuck 45’s from back in the day. 

The problem is I know he has to go and I don’t need to go into details, but he just won’t go until the stars align and the mood is perfect.

 

Believe me, it has nothing to do with modesty, because Vern has no problem licking himself when the mood strikes or squatting in the middle of training class, full of total strangers, if he gets the urge.  No, it has something to do with finding the perfect spot and that takes him forever.  He just gets so easily distracted and I find myself guarding him like a bear mama when I think he is going to go and actually shushing anyone that might disturb the moment. “I am sorry you had a bad day at work, but Vern is getting ready to go potty and I need you to be quiet until he is finished.”  Once, my husband said that he hoped he never had a heart attack during one of Vern’s bowel movements because he knew he would get in trouble if any movement on his part caused Vern to freeze up.  He said he could just hear me saying, “we were this close and then you had to start thrashing around.”

 

Today, the perfect spot was down the side of a hill, in a field of tall grass, full of who knows what critter and creatures. At least twice, he squatted and assumed the position and then stood up and looked at me like, “Never mind….false alarm…wrong spot.” 

Hold on while I roll for a minute:

Could you remind me again why I am out here?

Apparently, the right spot was when my ankles were bending in ways I never knew they could on the side of this hill, and my arm holding the leash was stretched until I could feel the ball and socket in my shoulder starting to part ways.  He finished and then I had to make my way down there and stick my hand into the tallest grass imaginable and hope that poop bag connected with something that was not breathing or had teeth.

Here I am getting down to the spot to collect Vern's poop!

Maybe I just need to tie him up somewhere, hand him a newspaper, and tell him I will be back in an hour. 

It might be nice for Fudge to hear something besides, “Vern, just go already,” on our walks.  Or just maybe, there is another solution. Has anybody tried out one of these?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Roberta, I can just see you walking down the street with Bailey with her Poo and Peetrap. You might get locked up like Nicky said :) Vern has to be reminded over and over again to do both....sounds just like Bailey.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

You had me in stitches Laurie! You just described my morning routine with Sophie and Winston. Sometimes I swear they must be related to your two. Winston always takes his sweet sweet time going potty, and often chooses the steepest part of the slope and then squates and gets up and moves, and squates, and moves, and tries again and again trying to find the right spot,on the right angle,... I went tumbling down in the snow once trying to pick up after him.

 

I've been wondering, now that I have a house, and thus won't always be walking them along public parks and pathways where there are bins, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with the poop. When they go in the back yard, do you scoop and flush? Do you have a seperate bin? What's the trick?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL, Sherri. So far, I have not gone tumbling down...YET. I have a separate metal trash container that I put a trash can bag in and that is where I throw the stuff I shovel up.  I try and change it often so it doesn't get too stinky. There was some product you could buy that goes into the ground....sort of like a doggie septic system.

[Bonnie and Kona]

We had one of those when we lived in CO, but we had two dogs and my DD had two dogs so it was not quite up to the task. ;o) Now we dig a hole and bury it in the flower beds. 

[Bonnie and Kona]

"He just won’t go until the stars align and the mood is perfect." That's a perfect description of our granddaughter at age 4. YIKES. I admire your good citizenship. If rappelling is required to pick up dog doodoo, I refuse to comply. Remember I am not going run anywhere either. Rappelling is just way, way too much exercise. OMD the Pootrap is beyond belief!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Bonnie. My friend, who does not have dogs, could not believe I picked up dog poop on our walk. She said, "why are you doing that?" and I told her it was the law and she could not believe it, especially since I am a germaphobe :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Aside from the law, who wants to walk in areas filled with dog poop. I get disgusted when I see places where people have left poop. But if the place is truly inacessible and unlikely to be walked on I might give up.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Your friend is the hilarious one... I guess she never thought about what would happen with all of that doodoo lying around. Ewww. 

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, you are a super pooper picker upper. My motto on that location would be that if no one was likely to step in it, let it be, Mother Nature will take care of it.Poor Vern, you have no secrets. If your mom ever tries to put one of those Pootraps on you just call and we'll be there to save you. It's terrible to suffer from PADD, Quincy also has this. He is very easily distracted and prefers his potty area to be on a nice inclined plane with his butt up and head down. He looks like he is practically sitting on the ground, somehow we manage not to get dingleberries but I have no idea how.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, I am a good citizen :) You sound like my husband. That is his motto when he thinks he won't get caught :)  Why should Vern have secrets...no one in my family does....LOL!!! Your description of Quincy made me laugh!!

[Carol and Banjo]

Banjo always goes "off the beaten path" and Mother Nature does the rest!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Stuart has pooped right in the middle of a wooden bridge - walk way thing.  He has no shame - he gets "the walk" going and we all know what is coming - sometimes twice on one walk.  Rooney - is like  Vern.  Maybe . . . . maybe I'll go and maybe I won't.  If there is a shadow, a leaf, a noise, a car, a siren, a bird, another dog, then perhaps no.  Sniff, sniff, wait - wrong direction - oh maybe I'll just pee.