Vern and His Bathroom Habits!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I take my dogs on walks every morning.  Fudge knows to get her business over quickly and never disappoints me.  Sure, she has a tendency to wait until we are well away from a trashcan, but no matter, I don’t mind carrying a poop bag if it means the deed is done. 

Vern, on the other hand, takes forever to do his business and it gets to the point that I am following behind him chanting, “Vern, go poopy…Vern, go poopy….Vern, please go poopy….Vern, go poopy now….VERN, GO POOPY!”  I sound like one of those stuck 45’s from back in the day. 

The problem is I know he has to go and I don’t need to go into details, but he just won’t go until the stars align and the mood is perfect.

 

Believe me, it has nothing to do with modesty, because Vern has no problem licking himself when the mood strikes or squatting in the middle of training class, full of total strangers, if he gets the urge.  No, it has something to do with finding the perfect spot and that takes him forever.  He just gets so easily distracted and I find myself guarding him like a bear mama when I think he is going to go and actually shushing anyone that might disturb the moment. “I am sorry you had a bad day at work, but Vern is getting ready to go potty and I need you to be quiet until he is finished.”  Once, my husband said that he hoped he never had a heart attack during one of Vern’s bowel movements because he knew he would get in trouble if any movement on his part caused Vern to freeze up.  He said he could just hear me saying, “we were this close and then you had to start thrashing around.”

 

Today, the perfect spot was down the side of a hill, in a field of tall grass, full of who knows what critter and creatures. At least twice, he squatted and assumed the position and then stood up and looked at me like, “Never mind….false alarm…wrong spot.” 

Hold on while I roll for a minute:

Could you remind me again why I am out here?

Apparently, the right spot was when my ankles were bending in ways I never knew they could on the side of this hill, and my arm holding the leash was stretched until I could feel the ball and socket in my shoulder starting to part ways.  He finished and then I had to make my way down there and stick my hand into the tallest grass imaginable and hope that poop bag connected with something that was not breathing or had teeth.

Here I am getting down to the spot to collect Vern's poop!

Maybe I just need to tie him up somewhere, hand him a newspaper, and tell him I will be back in an hour. 

It might be nice for Fudge to hear something besides, “Vern, just go already,” on our walks.  Or just maybe, there is another solution. Has anybody tried out one of these?

[Carol and Banjo]

Banjo sometimes gets confused about which deposit he wants to make....he'll start to get into position for one thing and have a sudden change of mind and take the "other" position...only to change his mind again!!!!  It's hilarious!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Carol, Quincy does that too, I call it switching gears. :>)

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

LOL.Too cute!

[Carol and Banjo]

ROTFL!!!   Your illustrations get better and better Laurie!   Banjo sounds JUST like Vern....only he knows the perfect place. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Another hilarious discussion!

Okay, you know how I hate it when people say "It must be the poodle in him" when they are describing one of their doodle's more annoying habits? Well, hang on to your poop bags, here I go: It's the poodle in him.

Seriously, every one of my poodles and my schnoodle would not poop until they found the exact right spot, exactly like Vern.

But not JD. He is not the least bit particular, although evergreens and daylilies are his toilets of choice when availble. When he has to go, he goes.

It must be the Retriever in him. :-D

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious, Laurie!  I can just see Vern inspecting a variety of possible spots, with none meeting his high standards except those at the bottom of a cliff, in tall grass.  That Vern!  Does he do the little after-poo kicking up the turf with his back feet?  Trav has a little hop that he adds to the poo dance that always makes me laugh.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Pat, Vern doesn't do anything manly...LOL! Fudge is the one who kicks and kicks after she is done. When Vern is done, he quickly moves on :)

[sandy b]

LOL!! Wow Laurie, you're in really great shape and Vern, love your Moms stories.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Sandy. Don't bother confirming any of this on my photos on my page...LOL! Take my word for it..this is how I look.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I have one of each. Calla runs out first thing and empties everything that's full. She then immediately comes in for breakfast so that we can do it all over again. Luca won't usually go out first thing unless I go out for a bit. He often saves things for when we go for a walk. Then again he doesn't eat immediately either. It's all when Luca is in the mood.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

It is funny how they are all so different. Fudge always holds it for our walk. She likes for me to carry her poop. She is the queen, after all!!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Kona will wait to pee until 10 am if he wants. In fact if it is raining he will wait until noon. Owen has to go first thing.