Wedding goes to the Dogs

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

The Wedding

This weekend F.J. and I were invited to attend a wedding and stay the weekend camping in the great outdoors with the Bride and Groom in an atmosphere of a Grateful Dead Theme ( do they do this still?)  A Jamboree in the hills.  The invitations encouraged attendees to bring a camper or tent and stay for the weekend- long bluegrass music festival. What was described as a being held in a beautiful lake setting turned out to be mounds of dirt dug to form a quarry on 10 acres of land with six trees, no electricity, and no bathrooms.

 

At the last minute the bartenders backed out or maybe were too drunk to serve. Since we are known as one of the only responsible drinkers, and since we really knew no one, we were asked if we could bartend the event at the last minute. We soon learned what was meant by us being the only responsible drinkers of this crowd.  Mind you, neither of us had ever bartended in our lives. 

 

What we originally thought was to be a combination of a Jewish groom (lawyer) and his bride (nurse)  became apparent we were wrong as a huge pig rotated on the spit.  But honestly, shouldn’t that have been our first clue before we decided to help out the mother of the bride and bartend—just the description alone!  A Grateful Dead Wedding held by a young group of professionals.

 

 

I know, wine comes in red and white, and beer is either in a bottle or can, or one of those things over there in a big tub with a handle.  Quickly, I was being yelled at by grown wealthy men demanding I do not give him head.  WTD?  I was horrified and sure I could not take this talk all night.  Oh, you mean no foam on the beer.  Okay, Okay, geesh.

 

We were held responsible for not having enough liquor, not serving fancy drinks, running out of beer, vodka, and worst of all, over 300lbs of ice melted quickly in the 97 degree heat!  The wedding had only taken place an hour before and the sun had not even set.  Dehydrated guests arrived demanding everything alcohol.  That was only the beginning of our day in a plastic tent with no electricity. A terrarium.  We knew right away if we served them strong and fast, this could end a lot quicker and our time would be limited with this gig.  WRONG again.

 

As the evening fell, we turned on 3 tiny battery operated lights that lasted a half hour and tried to serve alcohol in the dark.  Unfortunately, men in suits arrived with an entire fresh supply of vodka, and mixes, with 200lbs more of ice.  “The evening is young”, they all yelled as we looked at our watches at 9pm.  I had to feel around for F. J. hoping I grabbed the right man and not the creeps who kept complaining something about no head.

 

But get this……… the attendees brought their dogs!   Dogs of all sizes, shapes, ages, arrived unsupervised to the wedding.  Dogs, who hated each other, dogs, guarding the water bowls, dogs lifting legs on chairs, barking at arriving guests, dogs zooming between children’s legs and knocking them down, and drunken dog owners who had NO idea they owned dogs as the day wore on and the hot humid temperatures and alcohol intake increased. Dogs swam and zoomed in and out of crowds only to stop on the best of the dressed to shake off the water of the muddied lake all over sundresses and suits.  One dog howled as the vows were being recited.  Ow ooooooooooooo.  It seemed to me, we were in a dog park and someone decided to make it a hippy wedding romp event.

 

I overheard member of the bridal party softy screaming to another about the unattended Goldendoodle puppy who counter-surfed the wedding cake and took a huge bite out of the bottom tier. Someone hurried and cut these pieces away hoping no one had seen the muddy puppy prints and teeth marks.

 

Finally at 11:30 pm one of the bands stopped playing, and we decided to try to escape in the dark for the long travel home.

 

As we slithered and swerved between drunken passed out bodies on the lawn to our escape road out, I looked over and dogs were still awake rummaging through all the dinner trays as they sat atop the picnic tables throwing giant trays of food to the ground.

 

Certainly this was not an event for me, but this bride and groom were extremely happy and their guests were really Drunk.  

[Michael Gurley]

Oh man that's awful!! I've bartended several weddings when I worked at a country club last year and some of them really do turn out horribly due to alcohol. It seems like sometimes guests show up just for the free beer. Luckily, we made awesome tips (especially young female bartenders). I also drove the beer cart on the golf course and made even better tips. People really like alcohol.

 

What is weirdest to me about this story is that people brought their dogs and didn't pay attention to what they were doing! I would not drink a single drop if I had Sunny there to look after (of course, I wouldn't drink anyway because I'm not 21).

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

WOW, all I can say is WOW!

[Robyn, Greg and Snickers]

Hilarious as a wedding planner I was cracking up. The one time a bride if mine wanted to include her
Dog in the wedding party was nearly disastrous lesson #1 do not give ringbearer dog the real rings! However the doggie chaos you encountered is beyond anything I can imagine!

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

This sounds AWFUL! 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

OMD!  This was more nightmare than Jane's Hell vacation.  If it were my DH and I, we would have 'shared a look' (long standing marriage look) and we would have left after about 5 minutes!  Or we would have turned around and left without even parking.  We are too old to participate in this.....  I felt a migraine coming on!!!!

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Wow this sounds like a nightmare!!

[Kyoko]

It's like  very interesting book! I want to read more!!

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

This would so NOT be the type of wedding I would've wanted for my daughter. She had hers at beautiful historic church in Palm Beach and reception at the penthouse of the Palm Beach Hotel overlooking the ocean in Fla.at sunset. They drove away from the church in a 1930's antique open air Fire Engine with 9 bridemaids in attendance! (They were professional fire fighters at the time)

However, having said that, I can just imagine the amount of money this wedding saved the mother of this bride!!! Ever host a party with an open bar for a bunch of fire fighters??? They take drinking to a whole new level!!

[Bryce P]

What a disaster. Goldendoodles are known for counter surfing.