Who Wants Fudge and Vern? Jumping on the Bandwagon Here!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

There have been several discussions lately about what happens to your dogs if something happens to you.  I know this will surprise all of you, but I had actually written a blog about this same subject back in November and never put it out there because I was waiting for the right time.  Someday, I will post that blog, but for now I need to know who is going to take Fudge and Vern if something happens to me and my husband is too busy celebrating grieving to properly care for them.  Sure, he says now that no one is ever getting his dogs, but what if he meets some floozy who uses her feminine wiles to have her way with him and keeps whispering in his ears, “there is more where that came from IF you get rid of those dogs.”  A part of me doesn’t know if he will fall for this ruse because I have not had much luck when I whisper in his ears.  In fact, the other night I tried it and first he said, “Did you just spit in my ear?” and then when I blew again and said, “just looking at you turns me on, “ he started clapping his hands together and said, “Clap off!”  On the other hand, if she whispers in his ears, cooks a good home cooked meal for him, and happens to mention she loves to watch the Tour de France, it is only a matter of time before Fudge and Vern will be watching the two of them ride off into the sunset on their tandem bike with a string of Gatorade cans dragging behind.  

 

Before I choose Fudge and Vern’s guardians, and keep in mind, my husband has said on more than one occasion that if he ever gets out of this marriage, he is never ever dating or marrying again, but just in case, I want a backup.  I also want all of you to be on the look out for a change in my moniker and if you wake up one day and see Bunny, Fudge and Vern or Bambi, Fudge and Vern, you know I have been replaced and I want all of you to swarm my house like a bunch of brides running for the big sale at Filene’s Basement and get my two doodles to my approved DK guardian home. He might put up a fight, so I want Karen and F to lead the way. The best time to spring Fudge and Vern is either early in the morning when my husband is in the bathroom, right after work when he is in the bathroom, or between 6-7 pm when Daniel Boone is on or he is in the bathroom.  

 

Some things I am NOT looking for, because it will confuse Fudge and Vern and make the transition harder, are the following:

 

• Thin, sexy people.
• A good dresser.
• Someone with a good singing voice.
• Someone who drives cautiously and within the speed limit.
• A good dog trainer. Must be willing to fight on walks with spouse about dog training and who is doing it correctly.
• A jogger. Prefer a person whose jogging and/or running looks exactly like their walking.
• A quiet person.
• A patient person.
• Person who likes to stretch out in bed.
• Person who values their privacy in the bathroom.

 

 

Other than that, Fudge and Vern stay together and should get lots and lots of hugs and kisses every single day. Also, the last thing I say every night before falling asleep is, “I love you, Fudge…I love you, Vern….oh, and I love you DH!”  I would like this to continue, although you can leave out the "I love you Laurie's DH," part.  We are now open for applications and I would prefer a short essay telling me why you think your home would be good for Fudge and Vern!!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I eat Bunnies and Bambis for breakfast. ;-)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about :)

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Bunnies and Bambis sounds look a good unique protein source.  :)

[Pat and Traveler]

Bambi and Thumper??!!  I'm going to tell Walt Disney on you.  :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Hey, venison and rabbit! Alternative protein sources are all the rage!

[F, Calla & Luca]

I thought I had answered that I just spit Bunnies and Bambis out but luckily I must have not hit reply, cause now I see it would be a waste of good protein.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

HAHAHA!  Bunnies and Bambis be afraid...very afraid!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I hope Stewpid has moved :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

True, I think Karen and my efforts have to first be in keeping you going forever. But I will take the doodles as I fit every category to a tee. Well, when I was a little girl we had a shoemaker, remember shoemakers?, who thought I had a good voice just to be completely honest, but that was loooong ago. I argue with no one about my training methods, well my son but who counts him : ) Aren't dogs supposed to be out of control with joy sometimes? As to that brother, I might just whip him into shape and visit the doods once in a while to make sure he's doing a good job. If not they need to relocate to NJ. Also, remind him that too much strenuous activity of a certain nature can lead to death--we all remember  Nelson Rockefeller and what happened when he decided that Happy didn't keep him happy enough right? So your DH and Bambi might want to rethink their choices. In the meantime keep on ticking. See my new group,The Science Group, to see how to do this : ) Nice plug don't you think?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I almost put in my qualifications that you cannot like PBS, but I knew that would rule you out, so I didn't. I will remind your brother of Happy and Nelson, although your brother may just say he doesn't mind dying happy...LOL! Yes, my dogs are out of control with joyous enthusiasm, so I like how you think, too. A shoemaker.....dear lord, even I don't remember shoemakers. Did you have a Candlestick maker, too? LOL Also, why were you singing to him when he was making your shoes? The Science Group....I will get right over there and check that group out...wink, wink :)

[Bonnie and Kona]

Dear Laurie,

First, I am in love with Fudge and Vern. Now for the qualifications:

1. I gained 30 pounds in nine months a year ago and nothing I have done has removed that weight. Sex? What's that?

2. I have no clothes that fit because of no.1 and I refuse to buy things in my new size, so forget the good dresser idea.

3. I cannot carry a tune in a paper bag. 

4. I have never been lauded for my driving skill and I believe 80 mph is the speed limit on freeways.

5. Um, you've probably read my cries for help regarding my uncontrolled Owen, aka Devil Dog. My DH is under constant correction for his dog training techniques or lack thereof.

6. I have vowed long ago never to run unless my house is on fire. Well, a few years ago our house was on fire. I had the stomach flu and could barely crawl out of the house... so no running even if the house is on fire!

7. You can get a testimony from my grown children regarding my "quietness" vs "loudness". 

8. See no. 7

9. I curl up in a ball in bed. I was trained early on by my big sister not to take up too much room in bed upon penalty of... well, big sisters can be pretty threatening.

10. I haven't gone to the bathroom alone since my 37 yo daughter was born. Has any mother?

I want nothing to happen to you, ever, Laurie, but if you are giving up F and V for any reason whatsoever, I want in on that action. hugs and doodlekisses.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, These are all great answers :) I relate to #9 because I shared a bed with my sister for years. She swears I took up most of the room with my stuffed animals, but I swear it was all her...LOL!! You are definitely in the running!!!