Who Wants Fudge and Vern? Jumping on the Bandwagon Here!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

There have been several discussions lately about what happens to your dogs if something happens to you.  I know this will surprise all of you, but I had actually written a blog about this same subject back in November and never put it out there because I was waiting for the right time.  Someday, I will post that blog, but for now I need to know who is going to take Fudge and Vern if something happens to me and my husband is too busy celebrating grieving to properly care for them.  Sure, he says now that no one is ever getting his dogs, but what if he meets some floozy who uses her feminine wiles to have her way with him and keeps whispering in his ears, “there is more where that came from IF you get rid of those dogs.”  A part of me doesn’t know if he will fall for this ruse because I have not had much luck when I whisper in his ears.  In fact, the other night I tried it and first he said, “Did you just spit in my ear?” and then when I blew again and said, “just looking at you turns me on, “ he started clapping his hands together and said, “Clap off!”  On the other hand, if she whispers in his ears, cooks a good home cooked meal for him, and happens to mention she loves to watch the Tour de France, it is only a matter of time before Fudge and Vern will be watching the two of them ride off into the sunset on their tandem bike with a string of Gatorade cans dragging behind.  

 

Before I choose Fudge and Vern’s guardians, and keep in mind, my husband has said on more than one occasion that if he ever gets out of this marriage, he is never ever dating or marrying again, but just in case, I want a backup.  I also want all of you to be on the look out for a change in my moniker and if you wake up one day and see Bunny, Fudge and Vern or Bambi, Fudge and Vern, you know I have been replaced and I want all of you to swarm my house like a bunch of brides running for the big sale at Filene’s Basement and get my two doodles to my approved DK guardian home. He might put up a fight, so I want Karen and F to lead the way. The best time to spring Fudge and Vern is either early in the morning when my husband is in the bathroom, right after work when he is in the bathroom, or between 6-7 pm when Daniel Boone is on or he is in the bathroom.  

 

Some things I am NOT looking for, because it will confuse Fudge and Vern and make the transition harder, are the following:

 

• Thin, sexy people.
• A good dresser.
• Someone with a good singing voice.
• Someone who drives cautiously and within the speed limit.
• A good dog trainer. Must be willing to fight on walks with spouse about dog training and who is doing it correctly.
• A jogger. Prefer a person whose jogging and/or running looks exactly like their walking.
• A quiet person.
• A patient person.
• Person who likes to stretch out in bed.
• Person who values their privacy in the bathroom.

 

 

Other than that, Fudge and Vern stay together and should get lots and lots of hugs and kisses every single day. Also, the last thing I say every night before falling asleep is, “I love you, Fudge…I love you, Vern….oh, and I love you DH!”  I would like this to continue, although you can leave out the "I love you Laurie's DH," part.  We are now open for applications and I would prefer a short essay telling me why you think your home would be good for Fudge and Vern!!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Whew, I've been anxiously awaiting notification that I am under consideration.

[Pat and Traveler]

Funny, Bonnie!  I'm still puzzling over #10 though.  LOL

[F, Calla & Luca]

Don't ask and hopefully she won't tell. Maybe she's had little kids or dogs since?

[Pat and Traveler]

Good advice.  :)

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

OK-what I think we need here is someone with lots of money and loves doodles to just open the doodle ranch already!!! That's where they can all go and they will all live happily ever after! (Not just for naked doodles either!)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 I love Doodles, but the "lots of money" part is where you lost me :)

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious blog, Laurie!

Oh, darn.  I don’t qualify.  Who knew there would be a day when I would regret being thin and sexy?  These are relative terms, and this is a self-survey.  I happen to think apple and pear shaped people are thin people inside, where it counts.  And I’m very sexy.  In 1966 a boyfriend told me that.  "You’re very sexy."  I realized even at the time that I should make a note of it, and can supply his name if necessary.

Sadly, I’m a most stylish dresser.  I have six tunics:  3 black, 2 gray and 1 red, which are the mainstays of my wardrobe.  Mix and match, baby.  Us fashion gurus rely on that advice.

Singing??!!  My rendition of "John Henry" leaves the audience speechless, but I've never been asked to repeat it.

I drive cautiously and within the speed limit.  It’s amazing how seldom the officers who pull you over are willing to just take your word for something like that.  Sad. 

I’m a good dog trainer.  In puppy kindergarten the trainer used Trav as an example one time.  I don’t recall the reason, but everybody laughed and laughed, no doubt very envious of my skills.  Although I don’t currently have a spouse, I’m willing to acquire one for the sake of arguments during dog walking.

I’m a jogger.  My jogging looks nothing like my walking.  In fact, a daughter (now removed from my will) described it as a ‘geriatric shuffle.’

I’m a quiet person.  Don’t believe them.  That’s all I want to say about that.

Patience is practically my middle name.  My mom decided against it though, thinking Patricia Patience sounded like a boat motor that needed a tuneup.

I like to stretch out in bed and do value my privacy.  However, I have a doodle, and rarely get to enjoy such luxuries.  Even throwing a treat toward the other side of the room usually fails to get me either more room on the bed or privacy in the bathroom. 

 

      

[F, Calla & Luca]

Uhoh, very good and funny response.

[Pat and Traveler]

Patricia-almost-Patience thanks you.  :)

[Bonnie and Kona]

Love this, Pat!!! awesome!

[Pat and Traveler]

We're inspired by our Laurie...:)

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Great Application, Pat.