Who Wants Fudge and Vern? Jumping on the Bandwagon Here!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

There have been several discussions lately about what happens to your dogs if something happens to you.  I know this will surprise all of you, but I had actually written a blog about this same subject back in November and never put it out there because I was waiting for the right time.  Someday, I will post that blog, but for now I need to know who is going to take Fudge and Vern if something happens to me and my husband is too busy celebrating grieving to properly care for them.  Sure, he says now that no one is ever getting his dogs, but what if he meets some floozy who uses her feminine wiles to have her way with him and keeps whispering in his ears, “there is more where that came from IF you get rid of those dogs.”  A part of me doesn’t know if he will fall for this ruse because I have not had much luck when I whisper in his ears.  In fact, the other night I tried it and first he said, “Did you just spit in my ear?” and then when I blew again and said, “just looking at you turns me on, “ he started clapping his hands together and said, “Clap off!”  On the other hand, if she whispers in his ears, cooks a good home cooked meal for him, and happens to mention she loves to watch the Tour de France, it is only a matter of time before Fudge and Vern will be watching the two of them ride off into the sunset on their tandem bike with a string of Gatorade cans dragging behind.  

 

Before I choose Fudge and Vern’s guardians, and keep in mind, my husband has said on more than one occasion that if he ever gets out of this marriage, he is never ever dating or marrying again, but just in case, I want a backup.  I also want all of you to be on the look out for a change in my moniker and if you wake up one day and see Bunny, Fudge and Vern or Bambi, Fudge and Vern, you know I have been replaced and I want all of you to swarm my house like a bunch of brides running for the big sale at Filene’s Basement and get my two doodles to my approved DK guardian home. He might put up a fight, so I want Karen and F to lead the way. The best time to spring Fudge and Vern is either early in the morning when my husband is in the bathroom, right after work when he is in the bathroom, or between 6-7 pm when Daniel Boone is on or he is in the bathroom.  

 

Some things I am NOT looking for, because it will confuse Fudge and Vern and make the transition harder, are the following:

 

• Thin, sexy people.
• A good dresser.
• Someone with a good singing voice.
• Someone who drives cautiously and within the speed limit.
• A good dog trainer. Must be willing to fight on walks with spouse about dog training and who is doing it correctly.
• A jogger. Prefer a person whose jogging and/or running looks exactly like their walking.
• A quiet person.
• A patient person.
• Person who likes to stretch out in bed.
• Person who values their privacy in the bathroom.

 

 

Other than that, Fudge and Vern stay together and should get lots and lots of hugs and kisses every single day. Also, the last thing I say every night before falling asleep is, “I love you, Fudge…I love you, Vern….oh, and I love you DH!”  I would like this to continue, although you can leave out the "I love you Laurie's DH," part.  We are now open for applications and I would prefer a short essay telling me why you think your home would be good for Fudge and Vern!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Jennifer. I think you have your hands full with Brad :)

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

"Thin, sexy people" need not apply??? WTD?? 

Guess I'm out unless you'll reconsider...

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

You know, Doris, I'm glad you brought that "qualification" up. I think we need clarification on that.

Does someone have to be both thin and sexy to be disqualified? What if a candidate is sexy but not thin? How about if she's thin but not sexy? Would that be okay?

[F, Calla & Luca]

Glad you've asked for more information : )

[Pat and Traveler]

Yes, this part just isn't very clear!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Wow.....ok, maybe I should change that requirement and allow thin and sexy in, however, I was just thinking of Fudge and Vern who are used to cuddling up with someone on the plumper side! Alright, scratch rule #1. Fudge and Vern will adjust, but my DH cannot ignore that rule if he remarries. No upgrades for him :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I guess I will make an allowance for you!!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

Oh and we need you to define sexy. One mans sexy is another mans total turnoff

[F, Calla & Luca]

Another fine point.

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

I'm really thinking that Laurie is limiting the number of good applicants!  I don't think she's serious about any of this or she would ease up on her "Non-qualifications."   Once again, she's leading us on a goose doodle chase!

If she is serious (and when has she ever been??), it will be really interesting to see who she considers "worthy" of replacing her!

[F, Calla & Luca]

All true.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, Go have a cup of coffee and step away from the computer :)