Noise phobia, anxiety, and my broken heart

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

I never thought I would be a member of this group...but here I am.  I am not sure this should actually be a discussion.  I am not really asking any questions, I just need to  talk and I know DK members will understand.

Last summer, July 2nd, we were at the lake where we go every other weekend, Murphy's favorite place in the world.  I took Murph out to potty and the neighbors unexpectedly shot off huge, loud fireworks.   I almost peed my pants and it scared Murphy to death.  he was a year and a half old and had never been afraid of anything ever.    Since then his fear of fireworks has transferred to thunderstorms, gun shots and most recently the kids next door playing hockey.   Murphy is scared to go outside if he hears the kids playing hockey...and they play every single night from 5:30ish till dark.

This week already it has stormed 4 times AND the hockey every night.   I have been giving Murph Xanax and it does not seem to be helping.......it actually seems to be having an opposite effect on him.

We have tried the thundershirt, D.A.P. diffusers, spray and collar, desensitization cds, Xanax.....with every storm and every hockey episode he is getting more and more afraid.  He has a "safe place"...the laundry room.....he likes the dryer on.  I can't leave the dryer running all day when I am not home.

I have an appointment with a behaviorist at NC State Vet School...but they can't see him until April 19th.

I have been working with his trainer but I am failing.  I am failing as a dog owner, a doodle mom and Murph's best friend.

My heart literally aches for him.  I have never in my life loved any thing, creature, person the way I love Murphy and I feel so helpless.  I am crying as I type...he counts on me for everything and I am failing him.  He is just a baby....he can't go thru his whole life being afraid.  He is afraid to go outside most every night because of the hockey and now it is storming every day.

I know hundreds of thousands of dogs have this same issue....I know that..but I am taking it very personally and I feel helpless.  I think if it were just fireworks and storms I would feel like it was managable..but now, to be scared of his own yard?

Murphy is the smartest, most sensitive and intuitive creature I have ever known...maybe that is why he is so sensitive to the noise.

Thank you for listening.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Ronna, I am so sorry that poor little Murphy has to go through this. I hope someone has some helpful ideas but you have tried most of the normal avenues. The only thing I can suggest is that you make a recording of the dryer running and play that for him or try running a fan instead. If it is the sound of the dryer that comforts him you maybe able to transfer that sound to other areas of your home by using a recording. I sincerely hope that you find a solution and my heart feels for you and Murphy. It is a terrible feeling to be so helpless to help the ones we love. Sending big doodle hugs to you and Murphy.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Ronna, you are NOT failing as a dog owner, a doodle mom and Murph's best friend. Please stop thinking that way. You didn't cause this, and you are doing everything you can to help him. Please don't be so hard on yourself. If Murphy is very intuitive, he will pick up on your feelings. He needs you to be strong and confident.

I am so sorry you and Murphy are going through this, but I know you will find an answer. You are a great doodle mom.

Have you talked to the vet who prescribed the Xanax about the effects it's having on him? Maybe the dosage needs to be adjusted?

I am not a big believer in "alternative" treatments, but there is a Bach Flower Essence product called Rescue Remedy that I have heard of people using for anxious dogs. You might want to read the reviews. I don't have any personal experience with it.

I hope that when you talk to the behaviorist, he/she will have some good suggestions.

I wish I had some other ideas and could be of more help. Please know that I will be thinking of you and Murphy and sending positive thoughts for strength as you find your way through this. I know you will.

Hugs to you both.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I don't have any great hopes for the rescue remedy, sorry.

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Thank you Karen.  I have tried rescue remedy for me and for Murph.  Didn't work for either one of us.  Thank you for the hugs :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ronna, My heart is breaking for you, but I know this for sure, YOU are a great Doodle mom and Murphy's fear are not because of you. I could feel the love all through your post. I run a fan at night and used to run it whenever we left to mute outside noises. I also have a white noise machine that I have not used but once, but I know others recommended trying. We had a rescue dog that was petrified of storms. She sensed them long before they started and long after they ended. We had to get drugs for her, but I did work with a trainer and she said to be sure you do not say things like, "it is ok...I'm right here...etc." or baby them and encourage their fears. I know that is hard to do when your dog is so upset. I tried to be matter of fact and confident with our Honey, but it was heartbreaking. YOU are doing all the right things and I am sure the behaviorist will help you and Murphy. Stay strong and keep us updated.

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Laurie, I feel sure Murph will need medication.  I am very torn about the thought but I will do whatever we have to do.  I just wish the behaviorist could see us sooner.   I did get bumped up from May to April by calling and asking if they had any cancellations.  I think I will call again tomorrow.

[Ginny Nightingale]

Donna mentioned taping the dryer--but you can also get a sound machine that plays various soothing noises--maybe that would help him! I agree with Karen also that you are not a failure at all and if you feel bad and make soothing noises to Murphy during storms, etc to ease your guilt, you could be adding to the problem. Be business-like and cheerful--when the thunder strikes say "ooooh, what big noise" in a happy fun voice. We used to call them boom-ba boom-bas when our kids were little and we would celebrate with each thunderclap--it is all in the attitude! If he is so good at reading your moods, then he can sense your anxiety over his being anxious--a vicious cycle!

Good luck--I hope you can find a solution so Murphy can have a better life--but as long as you love him, he will be happy, remember that!

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Ginny, it is a vicious cycle and I am trying really hard to be strong for him.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Poor Murphy and you. But you are not failing you just haven't found the right combo. yet. I hate those damn fireworks. I would consider clomipramine which helps ward off anxiety. The Xanax could be acting paradoxically, I'd skip it. Please don't leave the dryer on, A fire is not needed. But a noise machine may work.

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

I have heard a lot about Clomipramine I am interested in what the doc suggests.  I really do believe the Xanax was making things worse.

[Dana]

Ronna, I'm sorry for all you & Murphy are going through. You are most definitely NOT failing Murphy as a doodle mom or his best friend. Just the opposite - you are working to make him less fearful & you have not stopped trying to help him. To me this makes you the best kind of doodle mom & Murphy is very lucky to have you.  Good luck with the behaviorist.

[shelly]

Ronna... NO NO NO!  You are in no way a bad mom!  In fact, quite the opposite.. you are a WONDERFUL doodle mom!  Look at what you are doing for Murphy!  Your breaking heart is proof.... now.  Let everyone here help you through this.  I don't have any insightful information, or advice, other than maybe some kind of sound machine instead of running the dryer?  I can be here to listen and send you positive thoughts.  I hope you feel better soon!  I'll be checking in!  {{{{{HUGS}}}}}