Training an older puppy/Why did i do this? help

[Becky, Savannah, & Raleigh]

Hi all. I am needing some help and some reassurance. It's been nearly 2 weeks since we brought in our 2nd doodle, Raleigh, to live with us. We got him from a small rescue group in NJ. (not the DRC or IDOG) It has been filled with some ups and downs, and at times i've really questioned my sanity and why i did this. Plus, a couple members of my family asked why i rocked the boat and added another dog to the house-hold, when we had such a great dog who listened and who really is fantastic. (members that do not live with us) My dad even made the comment that he seems like a great dog, but would probably do best in a one-dog household where he does't have to share the attention with our older dog, whom everyone adores.  Raleigh is 8 months old (two months older than we were told he was), he's not as trained as we were told he was,he's not quite as potty-trained, (like they said he was), and he hates his crate (which we were told he would be fine in one)  and he's a lot bigger than we thought. He's right around 60lbs, which is an easy 15 lbs on our goldendoodle girl.

I hate than I am having second thoughts, and the idea of giving him back makes me feel sick to my stomach.I thought that getting an "older puppy" from rescue was the way to go, but i'm having doubts. He is physically so  strong and seems to be a touch ADHD. He is a sweet lovable boy who needs us, and i am needing some help and suggestions as to how to train him and get him through some of the hurdles we've been encountering. I also need some reassurance that i'm not crazy and that deep down i know we will have made a good choice.  There are moments when he does do the right thing and listens and is really fantastic. Did any of you ever just feel like you loved your first doodle so much that there was no way another one could even come close?

Do any of you have your other doodles present when trying to teach commands? I have tried it both ways. He seems to be looking everywhere for Savannah when she's not with us. (He cried and whined the day i normally take Van to doggie day care, so i had to cancel it so she'd be home there with him.)  Did you do a formalized training class with each new addition to the family? We did one with Van, but she was our first dog as a couple.

I also work full time and have been coming home during my lunch break to let them out for 30-45 mins. For those that work full time, how did you make transitioning a new dog into the household easier?

I know this post sounds terrible, but after spending some time with my family and hearing their true opinions and feelings on our new addition, i'm really feeling upset. Any and all comments would be welcome. thank you.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm thinking that even though Raleigh is eight months old, you will need to start from scratch like he was a new puppy. Actually at 8 months, he really still is very much a puppy. I would definitely get him into a formalized class. We have a year old Doodle and now have our almost four month old DRC rescue Doodle. I actually started him in training classes the week we got him, and he's doing great. My one year old is also still in Therapy Dog training, so now I spend my Sundays running between their classes. When I work with them at home sometimes I train individually, and sometimes together. I find that the puppy does learn from his older brother, but I do get greater focus when I separate them. I don't find that I love either of my guys any more than the other. There's something about bringing in a dog that you know really needs your love and care that just melts my heart. My new little guy has done that, and I adore him. I kind of think of him as the "baby" and Guinness as my "big boy". I do make time for each of them separately...to just cuddle and play. I really think if you open your heart and know that your rescue really needs you and deserves the happy and loving life that you can provide, things should fall into place. I wouldn't worry too much about what others think....just listen to your heart. That said, it's going to take lots of patience and work, but I believe it will be so worth it. This is a great place to come when you're feeling discouraged. There are lots of Doodle lovers here who will support you through this.

[Becky, Savannah, & Raleigh]

Dear Jane,
Thank you so much for your response. It really helped and made me feel better. I don't know if i'm just exhausted or what, but I know things will be ok. Thank you for reminding me again why I love dogs and how much they need us. Raleigh really does need us (he had worms and an ear infection in the first two weeks we had him) and if I can think of him in these ways (especially when he's being crazy!) i know we will make it. I think Vanny will always have a special place in my heart as my first baby, but just seeing how much she already loves and tolerates her "bigger" little brother makes me happy. Thank you so much, knowing that you and others on here are in the same boat, helps!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

You are so welcome. Remember that you are just a "human" and we can't be "super women" all the time...although we try hard. I'm sure you're tired right now and thinking life was so much easier before. But, it won't last forever, and think of how amazing you're going to feel looking back and knowing that you gave Raleigh such a great gift. In turn, I believe he will give you gifts you haven't even imagined. Vanny sounds wonderful....how special that's she's taken her brother under her wing.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

OH my. Sorry you are having a tough time. Let me start by being honest with you on many comments in this post:

It takes a new dog many days-weeks to adjust to your new home. AT LEAST A MONTH for starters. Always place yourself in the dogs eyes. How would you be doing if you moved to India or China? Would you be doing great in just a few days or weeks? Yes, you are probably providing a great home to this new dog but everything is new to only him. New food, new rules, new place to potty,new smells, new crate, new pack leader.......... Just like moving to a foreign country for you this is how this new dog feels. Reassurance, reassurance, reassurance.

Potty: Even the best potty-trained dog will not know what is expected. All fosters who came into my home potty-trained held their urine and stool for many hours or days. Then after hours standing in the yard would come in and go in the house. Clean up all accidents by just saying, NO and leave the towels in the yard for scent. My new dog took 4 weeks to potty train! UGH. But she is getting it and she is so proud she knows now what is expected of her. It takes time, love, and patience.

Training: This may be a great idea for YOU and YOUR DOG. Training provides a BONDING experiences for the new owner and the dog. You may already know all the commands but your dog doesn't. Go together. Keep it simple. Enjoy. Enjoy each other on a one to one basis. Hard to do, I know. I have a hard time training the 2nd dog without the first interfering. It took 4 weeks for this dog to learn shake! Oh for goodness sakes. But she is learning now and learning fast. She just had other things on her nervous mind.

Crate: My new adoptee panics in the crate. I provide Kongs, Chews, and her favorite cuddle toy to make this a pleasant experience. She is in the crate right next to my dog. I place a towel over the crate so she knows she is denned and safe. Always lots of her favorite cookies upon entering the crate. Just this week, she walked into her crate and lied down all on her own. It has been 5 weeks! Progress. Slow but sure, reassuring progress.

Other posts: Many on here post great stories of happiness and success. Many of us have a hard hard time with new dogs coming into our homes. The dogs are having an even tougher time adjusting. It is not always an easy route. We come here to share happy times many days so you don't always hear the bad things--we focus on the good and move on. But don't let this discourage you--we all have these periods of adjustments whether it is a new puppy or a rescue.
I was afraid to come on here and post my bad experiences I was having. We all have them. Funny, they go away in just a few days and new problems arise. This too shall pass. But some days it seems endless, we are tired, and very afraid ourselves--just like our new dog feels.

Family: Oh yes. My family makes and made many comments. Can you afford this???? Why did you do this? On and On... whatever! It is MY HOUSE, MY DOGS, MY HOME.

Dog Family: How does your other dog feel? Are they bonding? Happy? Your new dog learns the most from your first dog. I thank Spud everyday for being a much better teacher than I am. Starlit looks to Spud for each and every opinion, situation, and command.

Treats: Have a pocket FULL of treats. I can't say enough about having good treats with you at all times. Starlit now looks at me and not Spud when I need her attention. Why--Spud does not have a pocket full of treats.

Rescues: Can you contact them for support? I know there were many days I called 2 and 3 times to the DRC for support. My calls were always answered. Actually, they would call me just to make sure they could help if needed. For now, you do have us here who are helpful and supportive and understand what you are going through. Thank you DK members :)

My honesty: Yep, I did feel at times I may have not done the right thing or did not adopt the right dog. This seems like years ago when it was only a few weeks ago I had regrets. I appreciate you putting this out there. It was something I really did not want to admit or post. Let me add here we are doing great and I would not change our situation :) But there are some tough days to endure.

My opinion: Give this a few more weeks. It does take a dog a month or more to adjust. Always look to see what the dog might be feeling. If you are having a tough time--this dog is too. Good luck. If you need more of my many lengthy opinions feel free to contact me for support. I got a lot of support and I do not mind passing it forward. :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Great post J. I especially like the "It' s MY House". heard that as a kid when I wanted a dog. Said that when I got my second dog.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

and a third? What will they say then..... LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Joanne, I almost cried when I read this post. You have a way of saying just the right thing. I know you helped me so much when I was concerned about Fudge's style of playing and this post is wonderful. Great advice!!

[Becky, Savannah, & Raleigh]

thank you everyone for leaving such thoughtful and thorough answers and insight to my situation. I just got off the phone with my husband after having a meltdown and he reassured me that we are doing the right thing. I have to admit I thought he would be the one to say "ok, we can/should take him back" because adding another doodle was not his idea. He told me that "it's our family, and our house, and our life, and they are our dogs". basically saying, who cares what others think. It made me happy to have his affirmation on our situation, and makes me feel like things will be ok. this makes me really happy because for the first time he really referred to Raleigh as "our dog". i did pick up a flyer from petsmart as to when they start their beginner classes for this week, and would like to get him enrolled in tues evening.

Joanne, I particularly liked how you pointed out that his coming to live with us was like coming to a foreign country. Looking at it this way, he's really doing quite well. I'd be much more of a basketcase than he!
Jane--thanks for pointing out that he's not had as great a beginning to his life as Van. remembering this too will help me have more patience and compassion and understanding. really, all of this insight were great reminders of why we bring dogs into our lives in the first place...to give them what they deserve: love, good care, and happiness.

I truly do appreciate all of your comments and you all taking the time to write me back. Today was just a down day...you always want your family to approve of your decisions, and it made me sad that they didn't understand Raleigh...they will someday just as they do Vannah. (i distinctly remember my mom saying how bad she was for pooping in the house at 4 months old! now she can't get enough of her!)

thanks so much.....please keep any and all comments/suggestions coming if you have them!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Becky, your response was too funny. I remember sitting at the kitchen table just three weeks ago talking with my husband over dinner and I said, " I regret getting another dog. " I listed all reasons to him. I told him I was not happy. I also apologized for getting another dog--insisted I get one even though he had reservations. He had GOOD reasons not to get another dog.

After all this he said, " Why. She is adorable. She will be fine. Look at her honey, she is just too cute. She needs us. We need her. It will all be okay. She is our family. We will all adjust"

Again, I am relieved you posted this. I was too afraid to come on here and say I was miserable. I admire you for asking for help. Let me say, it has only been 5 weeks for us but things are looking up. Finally. It just is taking a lot of time. I just came from a playdate with my neighbors. They see HUGE changes. I didn't because I am there every moment.
I really can't imagine our lives without two dogs. We ARE ALL HAPPIER WITH TWO :)

[Becky, Savannah, & Raleigh]

haha, i have to laugh Joanne, about this response, and have to admit that i'm glad there are at least two of us in the same boat at the same time! i was kinda scared to admit that i was unhappy, especially on DK, where everyone is in love with their dogs and are the epitome of good owners. i am really glad i did though. caring for dogs comes with a lot of ups and downs, and as my husband pointed out to me, we really didn't remember the downs when van was little. She had her share of health issues as a pup; urinary tract infections for the first few months which resulted in LOTS of accidents, she chewed our BRAND new carpet twice (literally 3 days after we got it installed) and ate two pairs of my favorite flip flops. Still, i really have to remember back to these bad things, but can list the million good things that she does right away...like look at us out of the corner of her eye whenever she knows she's being ornery, like sleeping on her back like a human, the way she comes to her "house" (her bed) whenever she's told and the way she just lets raleigh take her bones and toys without any complaint on her end. I know that the longer we share our lives with Raleigh, the more "good" stories we will have. Thanks again to all those who commented and had words of encouragement. I really needed them!!!!

[AndySharon BoomerShaynaMariner]

Becky - Thank you for posting. And thank you for adopting Raleigh. I hope that everythng works out. I know that sometimes it is difficult. Many people questioned us when we adopted Mariner, our third doodle, who was blind and has seizures. He needed a home. Things have worked out - he still has seizures but he has regained much of his eyesight. Things just work out.

Others here have given you great advise.

You may want to post in the rescue group also. http://www.doodlekisses.com/group/rescueddoodles

[Beverley S. LaLonde]

The advice you have been given is excellent! I have three Goldendoodles love them all you will too~I sometimes get overwhelmed myself as have a big place with lots of yard and house. They are wonderful dogs and none of them deserve being sent to a rescue. To have bonded with owner and then been left. Too many people don't realize the work and training it takes to get great dogs! I know you can do it! Just remember we have all been in a tight now and then. Bev, Harlee Boy, Miss Chloe & Li'l Buddy