Help! I am getting very discouraged :(

[Cherri Lynn Kading]

I was seeing slow but sure improvement in our training but it seems like the past week Jacki (8 mo) has gotten so stubborn and hard to handle. She barks at my husband for no reason while he is sitting and watching TV in the evening. She chases the cat any chance she gets. She jumps on me like crazy when I get home from work, then bites my hands when I try to pet her. I am tired and my patience is wearing thin. I walk her in the morning and evening (she's not very good on the leash and she tries to get at every person that we meet). I take her outside to play ball whenever she gets too crazy but nothing seems to be working. She must know that I am frustrated because she came up and put her head on my arm while I am writing this!!! I have a trainer coming to the house on Thursday and I am very tempted to ask her if she knows of anyone that would be interested in taking her. I feel so ineffective as a puppy trainer! Anyone else ever feel like giving up?

[shelly]

We have ALL (well ok... MOST) been right where you are now... myself on the top of that list.  There were many times - and I have said it before that I just wanted to open the door and let her go - it was so bad that I skipped right passed the part of thinking to 'rehome'... but like Jane has said.... they are PART OF YOUR FAMILY NOW.  do you have children??? There were many times I felt (and still do feel) like an ineffective mom, but I didn't rehome my sons.   You're exhausted, frustrated and at your wits end.  But you need to outwit that puppy or she wins... and right now everything she is doing to you is to test you to see if she CAN win.  Of course she put her head on you because she KNOWS you are upset with her - she can sense it - these dogs are truly smart and very tuned in to their humans' emotions.   I'm sure you have removed her and crated her when she acts like this... but here's my story which was "it" for me... Tori did everything you have mentioned and MORE... she took to stealing objects and then ran under spots in my house where it was difficult to reach her.  One day she grabbed something (don't even remember what it was now), I reached to take it away and she bit me like viciously and drew blood... when I screamed she got so scared she weasled out.  I put her leash on, put her in her crate (and yes... I stooped to the level of banging on her cage and yelled what seemed like 100 times - NO BITE, NO BITE!)  and refused any eye contact or communication with her throughout the next day.  For the next week or so she remained tethered to me constantly.  Annoying and an inconvenience for me?  YES!  But I was determined to show her again who was BOSS.  NOTHING was given to her - not food, water, kong without first following the commands of 'sit' and/or 'down'.  Everything must be earned!  When I took her out - I made her wait for me to enter and exit first.  Jane is correct... she sees you as her 'pack' YOU need to prove to her YOU are the pack LEADER.... search the internet for youtube videos for visual help or suggestions of what to do.  GOOD LUCK!  Don't give up - we have all been there REALLY  ~you can do this and soon ....you will be so happy you did!

[Joyce Orland]

Dear Jane,

Thanks so much for your response. I know this was our choice but we can complain...This is where we get advice and help. I know tough love does help and I know that I chose Lucy, perhaps I should not have complained like I did, when I saw someone else feeling the same way I did, I expressed my feelings. I LOVE LUCY, I want to keep her. I have never had a puppy before so not I know what is entailed. 

I get your point and thank you Jane, I guess I needed a slap in the face....

Joyce

[Elizabeth & Cosmo]

Joyce, you're right that this is definitely a place where you can express your concerns and get advice.

In that spirit, I just want to encourage you to keep in mind that Lucy is much younger than Jacki, so she is at a different stage developmentally.

When we got Cosmo, I had not had a puppy since I was a teenager. And, boy, do we know a lot more about how to train a dog than we knew then!

What was helpful to me was a booklet by the Monks of New Skete. It seems to have been revised into a longer book, now, called _The Art of Raising a Puppy_. Amazon has a Kindle version, if you have one of those. I also did some research on the super puppy program, but most of those steps happen when the puppy is still too young to go home.

Anyway, here are a few things I remember for young puppies:

1. For dominance issues, you need to show the puppy that you are in charge--but in a gentle way. When the puppy is acting sassy or rebellious, while you are sitting on the floor, pick the puppy up gently but securely, holding her under her front legs. Hold her up to your eye level, so she is looking you in the eye. Hold her in that position until she stops struggling. Then put her down and say, "good girl!" (If the puppy is too heavy to safely pick up, you can do this on the floor by gently but firmly holding her in a lying position on her side.)

2. Don't let her go through doors first or eat before you and your family do. You go first or eat first, the puppy is second.

3. Handle her gently as much as you can, stroking and examining her ears, turning her over on her back, touching her feet, toes, and paw pads. You can even try looking at her teeth and tongue. You can give her a small treat or just tell her "good girl" when she tolerates this. It shows her that human touch won't hurt her, and it helps her get used to being handled at the vet's office.

4. When she is eating or chewing on a toy, take it away from her briefly, then give it back. This will help her to know that, if you take something away, it doesn't mean she never gets it back. It should prevent or minimize resource guarding issues, which can be a problem with small children in the house.

5. To promote bonding, hand-feed her instead of putting her food in a bowl. This will increase her bond with you.

6. I never tried this with Cosmo, but many DK members have: put her on a leash inside the house, and tether her to your waist. That way, she is always close to you, so you can supervise and correct her, if needed, and bond with her.

7. It's never too early to begin basic obedience training. Even before you start any puppy training classes, you can work on sit, stay, and come at home. You can find training advice for those behaviors here or on other web sites.

8. Involve other family members in training, too, so the puppy knows that the children aren't her littermates! She needs to obey them just as she does  you--and they need to be consistent with her, too.

9. Consistency is key!

Sorry for the long post, but I hope this is helpful. Puppies go through many developmental stages in their first 2 years, and it's important to be aware of where your puppy is developmentally and to train accordingly.

Our trainer, whom we adore, has a saying that goes, "You get the dog you deserve." What she means is that dogs aren't born knowing how to be perfect companions, it all depends on the owner. Everything you put into Lucy's training will reward you in time with a perfectly wonderful dog!

Best wishes!

[Joyce Orland]

Thank you so much! 

I have a trainer and she says a lot of what you said! I have read puppy books, but actually being in the moment with Lucy is tough.

Lucy loves her create so she goes in often and reward her often.

I love this site it really helps to know that you are not alone and doodle moms and dads are a post away.

Thanks again,

Joyce

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Joyce, I also want to say and forgive me if someone else already said it, sometimes when they are the naughtiest, they are actually tired and a time out for both of you will work wonders. Fudge is my tester dog....very smart and independent.....and will go and go until she is made to stop. I am at home with my two and I actually have them on a schedule to make my life easier. Plus, I give them lots of walks, they swim, and we play ball.  Training will wear them out, too. It gets better. Hang in there.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Joyce - I didn't mean to slap you in the face, and YES we can all complain - I surely have done more than my fair share.  It is when people talk about giving their doodles up - it breaks my heart for the dog.  Getting a doodle or any puppy is a huge lifelong commitment, we very sadly see people who didn't realize until too late.  Your doodle WILL be the dog that you want if you give it time and training.  There are so many experts here on DK that will help with positive advice, training tips, and other new dog owners to help you along the way.  So glad to hear that you aren't giving up!!!!!!!  Sorry if I hurt your feeling before - I'm just passionate. 

[Joyce Orland]

No..... Thank you Jane! I love this site and have learned so much.

I am looking forward to Lucy at an older age....lol! 

Thanks so much!

Joyce

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Joyce - I was once in your shoes.  I adopted Stuart as a rescue and I had fantasies of "returning" him.  He has this really repulsive odor that was coming out of his body and I could NOT get rid of it.  No amount of washing, doggie mouthwash (yes there is such a thing) and it was so gagful to me that I just wasn't bonding.  Well one morning (after 3 months) it was just gone!  And now Stuart (along with his brother Rooney) is the love of my life!!!!  We decided it was all the gross worms and parasites that he had when we got him, once all that junk was flushed out he was o.k.  Hang tough - you can do it!

[Joyce Orland]

Thanks! :)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

First of all, Jacki is at a very tough age right now, and she desperately needs a good, consistent training program.  She is not barking at your husband "for no reason"....there is a reason for everything they do.  She is taking over your household because she is not getting the training and leadership that she desperately needs.  If there's not a calm, strong leader in their lives they decide it's their job....and they will take over.  YOU can teach her that these behaviors will not be allowed.  No dog is magically good on leash....they need to be taught how to walk on a leash.  Remember this is very foreign to them...we have to show them what to do, reward when they do it, and correct when they make a mistake.  I have a very dominant Doodle boy who has been in training twice a week for over a year....and we practice every day.  He has come a long way, but we are far from finished.  It has been a lot of hard work and extremely expensive, but there really was no choice.  I made a commitment the day I brought him home.  Through this whole process we have become unbelievably bonded, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.  He's my "naughty boy" and I love him like crazy.  Seeing him make progress is so rewarding for both of us.  I know it will be all worth it in the end, and it will for you too.  Stick with it!

[Elizabeth & Cosmo]

Really, I shouldn't be a member of this group anymore, because Cosmo turned 2 in May! But I can't resist chiming in here.

You are getting lots of good advice, but I just want to reinforce a couple of points:

1. This is a phase the puppy is going through. When Cosmo hit it at about the same age, we called it his "rebellious teenager" period. We just kept reinforcing his training and giving him timeouts (behind a baby gate--Cosmo has never tolerated a crate) when he misbehaved. He was usually at his worst in the evening, after DH and I got home from work.

2. Keeping up with training is a must for riding this out. Make sure she knows that chasing the cat and biting human skin are _never_ acceptable. Use time-outs when these things happen. Also, make sure she knows what behaviors are acceptable. For human skin, we taught Cosmo the "kisses" command by spreading butter on our fingers and letting him lick it off while we said "kisses, kisses!" Now, I can  use the kisses command when he is around children, for example, just making sure he is in lick mode.

You can ride this out. Cosmo was the sweetest puppy in the world before his rebellious teenager phase, and now he is the sweetest dog. Just recognize this as a stage in your puppy's development, and help her get through it.  I am very confident she will grow up into a wonderful adult dog!

[Jennifer Tramell]

I understand your frustrations, there are many days when I feel super frustrated with my human kids.  Ugh!  Parenting can be SO frustrating, and sometimes we have to wait YEARS to experience the benefits of the training :-)

Honestly, everything that you've described is quite normal.  Your pup loves and and craves human interaction.  These dogs are a mix of two breeds who were developed to work WITH people.  Years of breeding for Labs, Goldens, and Poodles have developed dogs which are highly in tune with their owners.  These breeds are highly valued for the close relationship, as a companion, hunting partner, or specialized canine assistant.  Jacki is begging for more attention and interaction.  She wants to be a participant in your family life, not just a pretty pup who gets pet in the evening.  She is barking at your husband to get him to pay attention to you.  She jumps on you because she is SO EXCITED to see you and can't wait to see the fun you will have together.  She bites your hands because dogs use their mouths to hold, feel, and communicate, but she is also a puppy and puppy's bite everything :-)  It sounds like a toddler who is so happy to see her mom that she can't stop talking ("Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!) or pulling on Mom's pants, shirt, anything.

 

There are other people of DK who will give great suggestions about training techniques; but to me, it sounds like your pup just wants more "you" time.  I know it is a vicious cycle: you come home tired, your pup is annoying and frustrating, you push the pup away because you need a break, and your pup becomes MORE annoying and frustrating.  Once you start training, you are already on edge which undermines the training.  Training appears ineffective, you lose motivation, and the cycle starts all over.  I understand, honestly, I do, but it sounds like a relationship problem, not a training problem.  You need to "fall in love" with your pup again instead of seeing her as an annoyance.  It's like a marriage - if we gave in to all the annoyances instead of focusing on the commitment, marriage wouldn't last.

 

Your pup loves you, she wants to be with you - maybe you need to rethink your training and find a way to make it fun for the two of you :-)