So much crying. Am I doomed?

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Hi everyone,

I found this site totally helpful when I brought home my first goldendoodle Cooper 3.5 years ago and so here I am again seeking your advice (and on the verge of a breakdown). We just brought home our new puppy, Howard, on Friday night. He's an aussiedoodle so I'm hoping it's still ok to post in here. Upon bringing him home, my husband and I felt pretty confident about settling him into a routine and making him feel at home. Our plan was as follows (and the same thing I did with Cooper).

When we can't fully watch him or while I'm working (I work from home), he has a large exercise pen with a small pen/bed inside, food and water and a few toys. My plan was to have him be in the pen while I work to get him used to not having me around all the time and I would let him out to pee/play every 1.5-2 hours (of course, depending on how his housebreaking is going). 

At night, we had his small crate raised so that it was level with the bed and I was going to have him sleep there for the first few nights and then gradually move him to the regular 'life stages' crate on the ground beside the bed. 

All this seemed great in theory but has completely failed on me. Cooper was a VERY easy dog to crate/pen train. He woke me up once the first two nights and then started sleeping through the night with little to no fuss. Same thing with going in the pen - he whined a bit but then just started going in naturally. 

Howard is the COMPLETE opposite. He cried the entire night the first two nights (which I think we expected) and produced noises I've never heard a puppy make when he was in his pen. The first time we put him in there he cried for 45 mins. It was just awful to hear. 

Over the past 5 days, I've made a few adjustments - I've tried crating him during the day instead of putting him in the pen as he seems to settle a bit better in the crate. I've added a hot water bottle after noticing him cuddling up to our feet and to our other dog a lot - he definitely misses close contact. Just today, I put on some 'nature sounds' white noise for him and he settled pretty quickly in the crate.

We had 2 MUCH better nights of sleep where I just got up twice to let him out but last night was back to screaming and crying a lot when we initially went to bed.

I know that crying and whining is normal but I don't know if this much is normal. We are doing our absolute best to do what we think is right - we are ignoring him when he cries and are only letting him out/rewarding him when he's quiet. And we're ensuring that he's getting lots of exercise and attention when he's out of the crate.

I woke up this morning feeling totally defeated, full of worry and like I've made a horrible mistake. I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me that they've gone through this before and everything has turned out okay because right now I feel like I have a puppy who is destined to be a totally neurotic dog, despite our best efforts to try to raise him with lots of good structure and love. 

Please help me!

Elizabeth

[Lori, Winnie, Bob and Indie]

Deep breaths... everything IS going to be OK... deep breaths... :-)

We went throught the exact same thing with Winnie the first couple of days/nights. When I took her in for her first Vet visit, she recommended trying an Adaptil collar (they had them at our Vet office, but you can get them cheaper online). It is a plastic collar that releases pheromones (odorless "scents") that are similar to what a nursing female dog produces. It is worn snug next to the neck in order for the body heat to release the substance- lasts for a month. It made a WORLD of difference the very first night! We kept it on her 24/7 and actually got another one a month later because it seemed to help her be more relaxed overall, and more responsive to training. RUN get one.. it can't hurt, and might help!

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

I'm definitely going to look into this. Thank you so much for the recommendation!

[Laura and Angus]

First of all Howard is an adorable name for a puppy and he sure is a sweetie! I totally understand how you feel. We brought our puppy home at 10 weeks and we had a similar experience the first night or two. It sounds like you're definitely doing the right things by getting him used to the crate. You might also consider feeding Howard his meals in the crate (with the gate open) for the first week or so, so that he associates good things with it. Also, we played a game where we would toss a treat and let our puppy retrieve it and come back out. Things like that, so that the puppy thinks that being inside is not a bad thing. I think you just have to stick with it - I was almost at my wits end and not sleeping well when our puppy was crying like that, but they will eventually learn the routine. Some other things we did after two nights of crying - my boyfriend and I wore t-shirts around in the evening and put those in the crate with the puppy, so they had our smell, my boyfriend downloaded an app that has womb sounds (amazing!) and leaned that on the side of the crate, and we put a fan on in the room for white noise. He went right in there on his own and went right to sleep. So crazy! We continued that routine and used the fan in our room for a month or two, but now our puppy is almost 6 months and is out of the crate at night...we don't use the fan at night anymore, but still put on a fan and radio when we leave him in the crate during the day.

Hopefully that helps at least a little! Mostly, I think you're doing everything right and just have to stick it out. And maybe a little more practice during the day with crating an hour or so at a time. We also give our puppy a peanut butter kong filled with a couple treats ONLY during the day when he goes in the crate, so it's a special treat for him.Good luck with everything! You'll get through it and Howard will get used to his new home and routine soon!

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Thank you! These are all great suggestions. We're doing some of this now (the kong with PB, the shirt, the fan for white noise) but you've given me some great things to try. I think the main thing is that he just has no interest in going in there on his own and so me putting him in there for chunks have time have been totally stressful for him. I'm going to try to take a few steps back and try to get him to actually enjoy the crate rather than just locking him up in there. Thank you!

[Victoria NY]

He is beautiful!! My new pup (she's now 7 months old) cried as well... I took her big brothers' ( a year older than her) blanket and put it in her crate and that seemed to soothe her. I had her run and play with big brother so that she was completely exhausted a bed time. She hated being locked in her crate and away from us and her brother. The blanket helped a lot. After a few nights she would go into her crate on her own. She ended up napping during the day by laying on and cuddling with her big brother. He liked making her feel safe, and she felt secure even when crated as long as she could see that he was nearby (she wasn't alone) and she had his blanket with his scent on it. She also had a teddy bear with her moms scent that she carried everywhere she went. Those two things seemed to help her. Sibling pups are like kids - totally different!! My son and daughter were just like our pups - one easy to raise, the other was a handful. Now that our pup is 7 months old she is awesome! She has destroyed my house with her chewing... but no more bedtime tears from either of us! LOL!

[Christina Casper]

Our breeder told us about a snuggle pet(bought on amazon) and it was a lifesaver! It has a pocket in the bottom that holds a heartbeat and a warmer. We only used the warmer for maybe 4-5 nights along with the heartbeat. Then we used only the heartbeat for a good month and when the battery wore out we didn't replace it. Our doodle loves her friend and still sleeps with it when in her crate (without heat or heartbeat). She always carries it out of the crate with her:). We also have the crate in a room away from us so we didn't disturb her when we moved at night. Keep being persistent! He will learn to do what you want! Good luck:)

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Thank you! I'm going to look into the snuggle pet. I've tried to create something similar with a clock and hot water bottle which seemed to help at first but I think he's too smart and figured it out, ha. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I swear by the Snuggle Puppies. We had one for both dogs and it was wonderful.  Just Google Snuggle Pet and they should come right up. 

[Wynnie & Jim]

I would agree with the Snuggle Puppy (SP).Our breeder gave us a blanket with the scent of her brothers and sisters and recommended the Snuggle Puppy. The hand warmer inserts and the beating heart gave us a contented puppy from the start. I also would suggest rubbing the SP on your older dog to get the scent and placing it in the crate at night. Our puppy (14 months) still sleeps with her SP, and treats it like a sibling by licking it before she lays her head on SP to go to sleep. Very cute.

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Thank you everyone! I'm feeling a bit better. To be honest, I expected this to happen for the first few days but then also expected to see some significant progress. We did see progress at night and the third night he was SO much better.... but then last night it was like taking a bunch of steps back. Not as bad as the first two nights, but still pretty bad. I'm going to look into some of these items you've suggested - I'll try anything at this point lol. 

He's a very smart pup and has totally picked up on other things like his housebreaking and some simple commands but he's just not understanding this routine. I think the other thing is that he just shows NO interest in going into his crate on his own. He doesn't fight us when we put him in but he also doesn't go in there naturally. I like the suggestions of putting food in there and will try that. 

Is there a certain point I should become concerned if the crying just isn't stopping?

[Kate]

Hi, covering my puppy's crate with a blanket made a world of difference. 1 night I forgot and she was up a ton, the next next night I put the blanket back and didn't hear a peep from her.

Try if you haven't already.

[Katie]

I think they try again to see if crying works NOW!

Bonnie did great for 2 night, the breeder had all the pups in crates 3 nights before they came home! Then third night, cry, bang the crate, cry some more. We ignored it....sat in our bedroom worrying.....crate is in living room, not far away, our house only has 4 rooms and that includes the bathroom....in the end I took my nightie off and put it in with her. Peace!

She has a different cry, a sort of whine if she needs to potty at night, so there is no confusing the two. If I have to potty her at night we do the entire procedure in silence, carry her outside, wait for her to go, carry her back to her crate, put her back in silence. Seems to work.

She has been fine since. We have had her 4 weeks today, she is 12 weeks old. Once or twice she has taken half an hour or so to settle, but no more desperate crying. And she still has my nightie......