A Day in the Life of a Stinky Doodle Starring Vern!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Our Vern is part skunk.  Sometimes, when his tail goes up, we all run.  My husband said the other day we should have named him Pigpen and from the way he smelled that might have been an insult to Pigpen.

He was groomed last Friday and looked gorgeous when I picked him up and smelled even better.  The first thing he did when he walked in the house was run to his bed and started rolling and digging in an attempt to wash the fresh smell off. 

He rolled on our walk Friday night and on Saturday after swimming in the lake he found a particularly messy spot on shore, plopped himself down, and rolled with such abandonment that while we looked on in horror, we couldn’t help but laugh, too.  When he stood up half of the shore was clinging to his face, life jacket, and miscellaneous exposed body parts.  I thought about sending the groomer a picture with the message, “you missed a few spots,” or even better, “if you don’t re-groom him today, I will tell everyone where he goes for grooming,” but I figured that could come off on a text message looking like extortion.

 

Fudge swims right along side of Vern or as she would tell you, under Vern as he uses his body weight to convince her to move out of his way, but Fudge rarely stinks.  I don’t think I have ever seen Fudge roll and I try to thank her everyday for remaining upright on our walks.  I can’t imagine if I had two dogs demonstrating the stop, drop, and roll technique repeatedly on our daily walks.  Fudge is very tolerant of Vern, but I have noticed lately even she has started avoiding him. 

I told you for the last time, this is as close as I am getting to Vern!

Yesterday, as we were preparing to go to the boat, I left the van side door and back door open while we were loading up the van.  This gave Vern the opportunity to run through the van repeatedly, in one door and out the other, hoping to surprise Fudge in some sort of surprise attack, but what he didn’t bank on was Fudge’s keen sense of smell.  She stayed one step ahead of him and at one point stood on the side of the van with all the doors closed and Vern stayed barking in the van at her, unable to figure out how she got away from him.  Sometimes, it is like watching her take candy from a baby.

Nobody get's in this car unless I say so!

I am sure many of you are saying,  “What’s the big deal? Bathe him already,” like we hadn’t already thought of that solution.  Well, Vern has had three baths in the past ten days and the fresh smell only lasts until he gets back outside and I might add, it is not easy giving a 90 plus pound dog a bath on bended knee.  Also, when your bathtub has no sprayer nozzle, you have to pick your battles carefully regarding a bath for a smelly dog. I have found I am a lot more tolerant of the smell and can talk myself into thinking it is not too bad, when the alternative involves making a huge, unhappy dog get into the bathtub.  If I had to guess I would say it takes about 1000 rinses to get all of the soap off of Vern when all you have at your disposal is a small, plastic, yellow cup that says University of Delaware on it, acquired from a high school graduation party.  Since he usually has most of his head buried in my armpit as I rinse away, I, too, get to feel the warm water mixed with Vern morsels with every rinse.  So, I am sure the grooming group can understand why sometimes when someone says, “Vern really stinks,” I pretend not to hear them or say something back like, “are you sure it isn’t you?” just to buy some extra time. 

A few months ago, my knight in shining armor brought home a new spray nozzle and left it in a bag near the tub for his wife to assemble.  Alas, it did not work unless the fair maiden somehow had magical powers and was able to wrestle the nozzle onto the tub faucet, hold it in place with a death grip, and simultaneously hold the sprayer in her mouth as she aimed it towards a large, slippery dog.  I am not holding out hope for the situation to be remedied soon because all the knight said when I relayed to him the information that his nozzle was defective and his sprayer didn’t work was, “I keep telling you it is operator error.”

The way I see it, I have some options, 1) Let Vern smell and greet visitors at the door with a scented pine cone and advise them to insert it into their nose for the duration of their stay 2) Buy a soap on a rope and have Vern wear it around his neck

3) Pull my husband’s nozzle until he replaces the one that does not work

4) Go to the store and buy it myself  - never going to happen and in my defense, my DH says he wants to pick it out 5) Train Vern to roll in Lavender fields only 6) Wrap Vern in bubble wrap prior to all walks 7) See if the Odor Blocker soap my husband uses works on large dogs 8) Run Vern through the car wash every day with the car windows down 9) Burn more scented candles 10) When someone comments on Vern’s smell, nod in my husband’s direction and ask him if he forgot to take a Gas-X pill (in other words, blame it on the man)

or 11) Tell people you just found him wandering the streets.  Notice, none of my options said, “stop Vern from rolling!” or “quit being lazy and bathe him everyday.” Sometimes, the right smelly dog really does find the perfect lazy owner.

 

[Bonnie and Kona]

@Karen: What do you mean, Jack doesn't roll? It must be his back injury. My two are feet in the air every morning as they romp and roll with glee.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Having recently shampooed my 90 pounder with a spray nozzle in the bathtub, I cannot imagine rinsing him without one. The yellow cup is not adequate. I ran the hot water heater out of hot water trying to rinse my behemoth! Your DH needs to give Vern the baths until the shower nozzle is installed (and maybe after that too). Of course I say this knowing full-well that my DH has never every washed the dogs and has only brushed them once. I am aghast for you.  And let me add that Kona is not the dirty dog; Owen is the pigpen in our family. I dilute the shampoo in a large plastic juice pitcher, pour it over the dog, mix another batch and put each foot into the pitcher one at a time and scrub. Then the rinsing, rinsing and rinsing. Next I dilute the conditioner in the pitcher and repeat the process. I'm tired just talking about this. Oh Vern, stop rolling in the stink, buddy!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Thank heavens for my sweet-smelling lady, Sedona!!  I have never had to bathe her (thanks to a great groomer) - and after reading this blog and all the comments, I hope I never have to!!!  

I have a friend who used to spray her stinky dog with Febreze - not a method I'd recommend!!

Anyhow, ya gotta love Vern and his gusto for life!!! 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Laurie, why not just use a big plastic container instead of a cup? : )

[Adina P]

Rosco is not lured by treats into the tub.  I collar and leash him up and we 'heel' to it and then I close the door behind me or else he'll try to leave.  Then sometimes I have to lift him halfway into the tub or semi drag him in.  Since I started putting a towel down, I rarely have to force him in.  The treats are just to make the awful experience of being stuck in the tub a hair more pleasant.  Usually my daughter helps me with the treat part except the amount of treats that usually last a whole bath when I'm in charge end up getting fed to the dogs in a span of a few minutes...haha!   Both dogs would LOVE to go outside after their bath, but I just refuse to let them out....they roll around the house till they lose the MUST-ROLL-NOW desire and then, and only then, I allow them to run around outside.

[Pat and Traveler]

Vern, you are a hoot!  I can just imagine trying to give you a bath.  Shudder....   Trav won't go near the bathroom or kitchen sink if he thinks it might involve getting water on his body.   (Tried the sink twice as there's a little hose/nozzle thing there--it's one way to get your kitchen thoroughly sprayed, if you happen to want that.  Of course, Trav weighed about 40 lbs when I tried the sink routine. :)  There is no treat tempting enough to lure him into the bathroom if he suspects I might try to get him in the tub.  I doubt if putting a squirrel in the water would lure him into the tub...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Gail, I like how you think :) LOL The people who built this house must not have had dogs or kids. Our walk-in shower barely fits one of us...if I confined Vern and me in the shower it would be like getting stuck in a telephone booth. LOL We are hoping to upgrade at some point.

Adina, My family cannot believe how lax I have gotten with dogs versus kids. I was such a stickler about anything gross with my girls. What has happened to me? I will say when Vern had horse poop hanging off his face, I was terribly grossed out, but if I don't see anything I am able to convince myself that he rolled in stinky potpourri. I have cut off areas of fur before and have hosed him off outside. I like your towel idea in the tub. That could be part of the problem. Vern will go out after his bath or groom and rolls immediately. I have had the groomer cut him much shorter and that has helped. I could trade him in, but I love him too much, stink and all!

[Gail and Bailey]

# 3 ...and if it doesn't work, call a plumber and give the bill to husband (after he recovers).

I use our walk-in-shower and a hand held nozzle and I finally found a plastic non-skid child's step stool to sit on while I wash Bailey....  (Of course Vern is much larger so you could use a chair).  This saves the knees and back!   When the door is closed and she is blocked (by me) against the wall of the shower, it is quick easy. Of course as soon as she gets out she runs through the house like a wild woman!

[Adina P]

OMD--if Rosco gets so much as a pinky nail sized yuck on him from rolling on something I'll either cut off that fur or bathe him.  You didn't consider shaving him did you?  I've only cut off stinky fur on a dog once ... it was a barely noticeable haircut :-) I'm so easily grossed out by what the roller COULD Have rolled in I can't handle it....it's hot enough out now I would go out and use the hose. Cold?  Sure, but if humans do silly things like join polar bear clubs and swim in icy water in winter...I think my dog will survive a short cold bath. 

Rosco doesn't love baths either so I use lots of treats, put a towel down on the tub floor so he is less freaked out about slipping, and he puts up with it.  My after bath routine with the dogs is to bring them out to the living room floor (where I previously laid out 100 towels), leashed, and let them roll there.  Then a down stay once their wiggles are out and only after being in the house 15 min or so do I let them out!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, The sad thing is Vern rolls while on leash. I am an enabler to Vern's rolling because I allow it :) He is just so joyful that I think to myself at the time, "what harm could it do?" It is only later when I smell him that I can answer the question. LOL

Elizabeth, Vern thanks you! It seems like you have a great system going there with Bailey :)

Karen, Poor JD...won't even go into the bathroom. Are you sure it isn't the large hand holding the soap that is scaring him?  I think in JD's case, I wouldn't bathe him either!