A Great St. Patrick's Day! She's Back........A Daughter Came Home for a Visit!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

As most of you know our daughter lives in Oregon.  We live in Pennsylvania, so we are trying not to take it personally that she moved just about as far away as possible as she could from home.

She claims she loves her job and good jobs are hard to come by in these tough times.  We have told her she could live in our basement and we would go back to giving her an allowance, but still she prefers having a job in Oregon and living with her husband in their apartment in Oregon.  We ask ourselves all the time where did we go wrong and sometimes late at night in bed, I will think about that old saying, “If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it’s yours,” and revise it a little to say, “If you push a child out of your womb for 17 hours, let her go, if she goes to Oregon, you were an idiot to listen to a dumb saying.”

This week, she has a conference about two hours away from home and she elected to come home Saturday and spend the weekend with us.  We had to go pick her up at Dulles Airport.  Since I just got a speeding ticket and cannot afford to get another one, the driving was turned over to my husband.  I am a terrible passenger.  My friends and family know it is just better to let me drive, unless they like the sounds of large gasps and screams that imminent death is upon us, coming from one white faced passenger in the car mimicking braking and clutching her heart most of the ride. 

When my youngest daughter was learning to drive and I had to drive along with her, I did it once and have only been back in her car once since then and she is now 26.  Our first trip out, I noticed immediately she liked to make very wide turns and used the rural mailboxes along the right side of the road as her road markers rather than the large yellow centerline.

From my vantage point, in the passenger seat, I was terrified we were going to have to spend our life savings replacing every mailbox in our county and I may have been a tad vocal in my opinion of her judging abilities, because when we got home she slammed out of the car and announced I would never be driving with her again. At that point, I was on my hands and knees kissing the ground and crying, “I thought I would never see you again,” and all I said back to her was, “I expect you to keep that promise.”

My husband and I were so excited about seeing our daughter that we thought the mood would sustain us for the entire ride despite the fact that he was driving.  We were wrong. The first problem happened moments after we turned off our street and my husband said to me, “did you get the driving directions I printed off of the printer?” Since I didn’t know he had printed directions or that I was the official print out getter, I explained to him that the process might work better if, in the future, he just said, “could you get the directions I just printed from the printer?”  No matter, we had two GPS’s in the car, but that didn’t stop my husband from turning to me again and saying, “what way do you want to go?”  I used to fall for that and answer, but now I know it is just a ploy to get me involved in case we get lost, so someone in the car other than him can take the fall. I also know if I say, “go I-95,” somewhere down the road, he will say, “we should have gone I-70, but you wanted to go I-95.”

For this reason, I have perfected the perfect response to any question involving directions, “How the hell should I know?” and then I smile politely, so there are no hard feelings.  Fortunately, the GPS and my husband agreed on the correct way to go and off we went to pick up our daughter who we have not seen since Christmas and do not know when we will see again.

 

The trip went smoothly and we got to the airport in record time only to find out our daughter’s plane was delayed and would be arriving one hour later and coming in around 5:30 p.m.  Well, that proved to be another kink in our normal weekend plans because factoring in the drive back home, and how our daughter must have thought when we called her on her cell phone, that we said, “Simon says to take 145 baby steps from the plane to your parents,” instead of, “Where are you? The plane is landed and even an elderly person with a walker sporting tennis balls beat you to the baggage claims area,” we were already behind schedule.

On most weekends, we like to dine early with the senior crowd up at the local diner around 4p.m. and be off the road and back home by the time the young whippersnappers are just getting warmed up, so it was a true novelty for us to be eating out at 8 p.m.  Of course, since it was St. Patrick’s Day, we picked the most Irish place we could think of to eat and we all laughed when my husband said and was not kidding, “There shouldn’t be a line because no one will be at the Olive Garden this late.”

 

The good thing about our family is we always pick up right where we left off.  Both dogs were ecstatic to see our daughter and Fudge slept outside her door the whole night and realized very quickly she was an easy mark for belly and head rubs.  Vern tried to give her lots of Doodle hugs and sloppy kisses, which she kept refusing based on the fact that Vern usually had just dunked half his face in his water dish.  As many of you know, she can be competitive when it comes to Frenchies versus Doodles and sometimes, Vern does not get the memo that we are trying to put our best foot forward and to wait until the screen door is opened, before charging through the door.  

Of course, that caused her to go on a bit about how her dogs might have done that once, but quickly learned their lesson, but Vern seems to keep losing his battle with the screen door.  I covered Vern’s ears and told her that just because she considered her dogs to be borderline geniuses, it did not give her the right to pick on Vern, who we feel is such a deep thinker and gets so lost in thought that he tunes out things like screen doors, and she said, “keep telling yourself that, because the rest of us have our doubts.”

 

The lighthearted banter picked up throughout the day….”Mom, why are you wearing pants that are two sizes too big for you?  Are you trying to make people think you lost weight again?  Mom, your pants are too short.  Mom, your belt is cinched in back and you look like Steve Urkel.  Mom, just deal with it.” It was just about the time I was asking myself what exactly were my objections to her moving to Oregon that she happened to see me getting into bed in my t-shirt and underwear and asked the age old question that all kids want to know about their parents (NOT)….”do you and dad still do it, because I don’t see how this look could be appealing to anyone?” that I realized there is a reason birds push their babies out of the nest.  How else can you realize how much you love being together if you never get the opportunity to miss someone?  At least that is what I keep trying to tell myself.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I agree, Anna. We don't stop parenting when they hit eighteen, do we?

[Anna and Achilles]

All very good advice, thanks guys. I will get through this phase. I think it is harder than when they were little.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

My youngest usually texts us with his plans but I used to text him before I went to bed if I hadn't heard whether he was coming home or not.  Sometimes he did text but it didn't come through until the middle of the night or even the next day.  Over time I have learned not to worry about it.  Now

1)  I check to see if he is sleeping in his bed;

2) I check my phone for a text;

3) I decide if I haven't heard from the police or hospital, he must be fine.....

[F, Calla & Luca]

Having sons Anna this sounds all too familiar. You express concern, consternation and you become the bad guy. Everything Laurie said is good advice.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Anna, OMD....I would have been pacing the floor beside myself and texting him every five minutes. A ditch is the first place I think of when they are not home when they say they will be. The good thing is you were asleep and saved yourself all that worry. Here is what I do...YELL, YELL, YELL :) After that, I would sit him down and tell him once he tells you he is coming home and the plans changed, he has an obligation to tell you his new plans to avoid this situation. All he has to do is text and that takes just a minute or two. They just don't think, I guess, and it is hard when they are adults in the eyes of the law, but still live at home. Ask him how he would feel if he was expecting you and you did not show up. I am glad he was fine and sorry you were hurt. I am sure it was not intentional, but nonetheless, it was scary for you.

[Anna and Achilles]

Laurie, I need a plan! You seem to be good at that kind of thing. Maybe you and Riki can team up and help.It has alreadt started, my middle son goes to an acting conservatory at night in Manhatten. Sometimes he stays over with friends or his girlfriend. It always lets me know if he is staying over. Last night he texted me and said he was coming home. It is usually late so I don't wait up. I woke to find out he was not in his room. Called texted etc.... No response. Of course i think he is in a ditch somewhere and worried. Finally at 10:00 I hear a text come in in my classroom of 5 year olds. Amazing that I heard it! Sorry plans changed he said. I said you should have let me know. He says letting my mom know was not his first thought. I was so hurt. HELP!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Anna, You just need to prevent them from getting married :) LOL

[Anna and Achilles]

cheryl, I have 3 sons, 23, 20 and 18 it doesn't sound like I have a lot to look forward to.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, I do feel blessed to have daughters, because lord knows, I can't keep my mouth shut :) LOL I would be in constant hot water with a DIL. Luckily, my SIL has a great sense of humor.

[cheryl & oliver]

Laurie, since I only have sons, and although sons are supposed to be closer to their mothers, that is until they grow up and get married, and then you get dumped for his wife.  You do miss a son when they move away, but let me tell you, when they marry and live near you, it is not always the best thing.  Yes you get to see them more often, but sometimes the things you see make you want to slap your son up the side of his head.  Of course you have to tred lightly, he has a wife, and she IS NOT your daughter no matter how well you get along, you still can not say the same things to her as you can to your daughter.  So you try to keep your mouth shut, do what you can to keep things good with the both of them, love them, and appreciate the fact that they are living close by and you do have holidays and good times with them.  Of course when you get to see the ones that live far away, like New York for us, or elsewhere for others, it is a treat, but like I said it is different with sons, if they are married, lol, you can't say a lot of the things you want to, cause the little wife might take it the wrong way, lol, of course that has never stopped me, thats why I am forever in trouble with my dil's, not really just kidding...But I do envy the mother daughter relationship, Sometimes I long for the days when they lived home and I was the most important woman in their lives, lol...My Mil, once said that someday I would have a son and I would understand what the difference was.  She was a very smart lady, A son is a son till he takes him a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for all of your life.  Sons do love you and always will, but it is different, at least with all my friends that have both sons and daughters...