The Couple That Trains Two Doodles Together Does Not Want to Stay Together!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My husband and I took our dogs for a training walk today and we are now “this close” to signing divorce papers.  We always start out with the best of intentions and then it all starts to go bad.  I can’t pinpoint exactly what the problem is, but my best guess is it is my husband.  After all, I have tried explaining to him that I have taken both dogs to their puppy classes, I read the DK training group’s advice religiously, and I have attended at least eight more group classes and more individual lessons than he has attended.  If that doesn’t make me a dog training expert, I don’t know what does, although I will say, it would help my case more if when I demonstrated my skills with Fudge and Vern, the dogs cooperated every single time.  I just hate when I show him something and admit it didn’t go as smoothly as it should have and he says something like, “Oh, I thought you were the expert and would probably write another volume in your book series and call it I’m a Complete Idiot about Dog Training. “ He uses that joke a lot, despite me telling him on several occasions that the correct name is The Complete Idiot’s Guide Books and they are self-help books written by experts to help ordinary people learn something new and not in fact, my autobiography or memoir. Usually he just laughs and says, “my mistake.”

 

What drives me nuts is he doesn’t say the same commands that I do, and I think consistency is the driving force behind obedience training.  I tell the dogs to come and he says, “here.”  I think he holds the leash too tightly and he thinks I allow too much leash when training.  He thinks I am constantly telling him what he is doing wrong and I think he is doing everything wrong and needs my help. Yesterday, he was running with Vern and yelled for him to sit.  WHAT?  All I did was say, “Can I give you a little tip?” and he got a little huffy and said, “sure, Victoria Stilltalking.” Well, two can resort to name calling and so I said, “look, Cesar Moron, (It was either that or Cesar Salad) how about you toss this idea around and ask yourself how Vern is supposed to sit on a dime when he has 90 pounds of momentum hot on his tail?”  I went on to tell him the sit command made no sense in that situation, but the walls were up by that point, and he just nodded his head and mumbled, “this entire walk is a bunch of sit.”

 

Seriously, we have raised two daughters together and I don’t remember ever fighting about disciplining those two, as much as we do about Fudge and Vern’s training.  In those days, we lived in a three-story townhouse and my husband did all his TV watching in the basement family room.  Since I was always on the middle floor, I was the parent who got to hear them carrying on when they were supposed to be going to sleep. I would hear them scurrying about overhead and fighting with each other and often I did my best parenting on those nights.  Usually, I would yell upstairs, “knock it off,” about fifteen times with no results, and then it would escalate to, “Dad is on his way up. Good luck you two. I have never seen him this mad,” which would work for a couple of minutes until they realized dad was still in the basement not moving and wishing he had remained single. At that point, I figured I had to get tougher with those two kids and I would open the basement door and scream, “Can’t you hear me yelling at your kids? I have been handling this all night and it is your turn IF you want to stay married!” Sometimes, because I knew he was down there weighing his options and giving it more thought than I felt it warranted, I would add, “but when I leave, I am not taking the kids!” and then we would all hear the sound of his recliner reverberating throughout the house, as he brought that chair back to a sitting position and stomped up those steps.  I loved that sound, because it never failed to turn our daughters into a couple of sniveling little obedient children, although I never understood that part, because all he did was march upstairs and yell,  “go to sleep or I am leaving and your mother is getting full custody.”  Usually, that was all it took for them to quiet down and when he came back down after laying down the law, I always thanked him for playing along with that whole leaving thing and he always said, “who’s playing?” Anyway, the point I am making is when we parented we were a cohesive unit, a well-oiled machine, he was my Yin and I was his Yang, and we realized it was us against them and “them” were either going to make or break us if we didn’t stand together.

 

Why isn’t dog training as easy for us as raising our children?  I guess it helps that we can talk to our kids, reason with them, and explain to them why they need to do something, and if that doesn’t work, threats and trickery can work, too.  With dogs they just have to do it because we said so and that is why how it is said has to be consistent. All I know is we have to figure this out soon, before one of us kills the other over Fudge and Vern’s training.  Just last week, I said to my husband that it is too bad I can’t clone myself and then my clone and I could work with the dogs and leave him out of the equation. He smiled and said it would even be better if I cloned myself over and over again and then he could knock off a few and no one would be the wiser.  With that said, if one day you hear about a woman found dead in a park in a sit position clutching an Idiot’s Guide to Dog Training Manual, two prong collars, an unraveled roll of poop bags, and a couple of long leashes, I think you know what you have to do.

[Lauria Orr]

When I first saw the title of this and the first sentence, I panicked...wondering how in the world these sweet. wonderful dogs we all love so much, could destroy a marriage...reading on, I saw this was Laurie!  LOL!!!!!  I should have known!  Great story telling, Laurie!  You made my day!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Maryann, Maybe there needs to be a separate cruise for spouses/partners of members of DK.  My daughter always tells me I drank the DK Kool-Aid. What do they know? LOL

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

It is too bad we are not going on the cruise.  My DH would fit in perfectly with Laurie's and Adina's husbands.  He calls DK a "cult".  I pretend it is short for doodle culture and do not fall into the obvious witches trap!  I have spent zillions of hours training Tigger and Roo to walk on a loose leash.  His idea of a loose leash is that he is still upright, considering his size that darn leash can be just short of breaking!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Adina, I have to stay with him until after the cruise because he has to pay for it :) LOL Besides, tell Clark he would be lost without me. He will be right on board with the snide comments idea!!

[Adina P]

Clark asked me to beg you not to divorce your husband, until after the cruise.  He wants someone to hang out with and to make snide remarks to/with about all the crazy doodle ladies. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Awww.....thank you, Sally!!

[Sally, Ditzy Mitzi & Sgt. Pepper]

Once again, you start my day right! 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Barbara!!

[Barbara B., Sasha & Oliver]

You have me cracking up Laurie :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, My two very rarely run through the house anymore chasing each other. They save all that for outside in our yard with no grass :) LOL Sounds like Daisy is enjoying the company and I am sure they are tired at the end of the day. I don't drink, so I am going to have to get this feeling from my DH....LOL!! Gosh, I just read F's comment and we said almost the same thing, except my two do still act up on a leash. I will have to try the "cut it out," command :)

Kaytlin, I guess I could have put one of me in the woods holding my training manual. LOL