A house is Not A Home

[Pam & Trixie]

I could not shake my sadness yesterday. I started missing my sister who I lost 15 years ago. I played some of the music I loved that reminded me of her, Toast & Marmalade for Two, Stoned Loved...

 

 Even Trixie could not get the sadness to go away. This morning I realized it was a 5 weeks ago today that we learned our Flat Coat Deja had an aggressive cancer-Hemangiosarcoma. She was doing fine all day. Then in a minute she was lying on the floor & could not move. I thought she was having a stroke. We called our ER vet & they said to bring her in. We Also called our 2 daughters & said- if you can get home...do. The 1st one got home & Deja sat up to see her! We thought- Oh good she is feeling better. She walked around & wagged her tail. Our other daughter got home & Deja Barked when she heard the door!

We all headed to the ER vet. We learned at the vet that She had Pericardial Effusion...When the sac around the heart fills with Blood. it was squeezing & Constricting her heart : ( We could Euthanise her...or they could 'Tap' The fluid. We were not ready to say good bye. We had them Tap her sac. She needed to stay over night for Observation & Fluids. We picked her up in the morning. She had not slept all night & kept them very entertained.

We had to keep her Quiet for a week. That was hard after the 1st Day..Even at almost eleven Deja loved to play & wanted her Treatball every night at 6pm! We also knew her heart sac could fill again at any moment. We did not leave her alone for more then an hour. After a week of rest we took her for a walk. She loved Every minute of it. We even had a Small Mardi Gras party & She got some King Cake & Beads. The next day we got out most of her toys (she has about 70 Stuffed Animals) she takes very good care of them. We got Pictures & video of her with her toys.

 2 days later...She came over to me, sat in front of me & gave me that Look. I was so sad to see in her eyes "Mom, I dont feel good. It is time" She started to Pant & Laid down on the floor. My daughter called our Vet right away. I called my Husband to get home. We called our other daughter at work. She did not answer. I called her bf & told him to get a hold of her- Which he did. She met us at the vets.

We could not get Deja to move, how would we get her to the vet? we got a blanket under her & finally got her upstairs, It was very hard! She weighs 60# but it felt like 100. Then we thought how can we get her in her little car? Luckily my husband got home just then & we got Deja in his car. We made the sad trip to the vet...They came out to help us bring her inside. But Deja Got up, Stepped out of the Car & Walked in on her Own- Such a sweetie. :` )

We knew then...that those 9 wonderful days with her- giving her extra love, were over. It was time to say goodbye. It was so hard to make this decision. She went to the rainbow Bridge on March 3rd- 4 days before her 11th birthday. 4 days before my 3 year Cancerversary. She was there for me for those 3 terribly hard years.

I decided I was not going to get another dog...3 days later I knew that I could not live in a house without a dog...for it was that- just a house...not a Home...I also knew it had to be a Special dog.

I started looking for my Goldendoodle puppy. I found Trixie...She would come home to us in 9 days. My daughter thought it was not a coincidence that Deja lived 9 days & Trixie would be ours in 9 days.

 

I miss Deja every day.

Trixie means 'Bringer of Joy' & she has done that so much.

 

She has made our house a Home again

 

Deja 3-7-2000 to 3-3-2011

[Lorraine Bromley]

I am so glad that you had those many years with her. We lost Jazzy this year too. But I am at a point that it is good to know that our selfishness of wanting her forever didn't get in the way when it came to helping her get to the bliss she so deserved.

Memories can never be replaced and new ones don't erase the old, so don't hold back with your new baby. Guilt is a useless emotion at times.

[Jennifer and Jack]

I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that feels like, as I am a first time pet owner. I am so grateful you had those nine days with your baby, and that she sent you a puppy to distract you until you meet again on Rainbow Bridge. Sending lots of love.

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

Pam, I am so sorry for your loss.  It is hard when that time comes.  We had to do the same thing for our Sherlock in January due to cancer.  You wrote a wonderful tribute to Deja and she will always be in your heart.  Have many happy years making new memories with Trixie.

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

Pam, I loved reading your story about Deja.  And, trixie, what a beautiful and meaningful name.  I hope you have many beautiful years with your Trixie and lots of beautiful memories of Deja.  Deja's bright blue eyes (in that photo) match her toy.  Maybe you should get that photo framed.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Pam - don't feel guilty about getting Trixie so soon after Deja's passing.  I think it's a tribute to how much you loved Deja, a recognition of the huge void she's left - NOT that you feel she's "easy to replace".  My daughter's first dog, Dixie, was diagnosed with lymphoma just weeks before my daughter's wedding.  Even though, Rebecca and her fiance had very little money, they opted to treat the lymphoma rather than let Dixie go right before the wedding.  Dixie lived another two HEALTHY years, but eventually the treatments began to fail.  Right about the time it was clear that Dixie didn't have much time left, the opportunity presented itself for a new puppy (Rebecca knew that her Yorkie - Dixie's companion - would not do well alone), so she got the puppy.  For a month, she had both a new puppy and an ailing dog to take care of, but when they did have to let Dixie go, the new puppy brought such comfort.  She never felt that Lucy REPLACED Dixie.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Pam, what a wonderful and heart warming story. We too had a wonderful friend in our old dog Zach, we had to make the decision about him when he was 14, all of our hearts were broken. Unlike you we waited 3 years to fill the void as I could not bear the thought of having to choose to end another dogs life. Also like you our home was a house for those years. Daisy has brought so much joy into our lives again, I can't imagine not having her.

Thank you for sharing and I hope your sadness the day you wrote this has lifted. Have a blessed day.

 

[Pam & Trixie]

Thank you : )

 

It was 4 weeks ago today that I lost her.

I felt so guilty looking for a puppy so fast...And getting a different breed...I had had FC for 19 years.

But Trixie is so Special.  I love her so much & She loves me so much ...Shes a Mommas Girl : )

 

I have not wrote a blog ever.  Im not good at getting my feelings to make sense.

But I wanted to share my Deja Story. 

 

The 1st Picture posted is her with 'Her People'  LOL

I have one Picture that I really love of her.  It shows her personality so well.  But I cant find it...When I do I will post it....until I find it heres another

 

 

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

So sad, but thanks for sharing. She was very lucky to have the extra time with the family and send her love to each and everyone of you. That must be very painful but she sent you Trixie in her memory.

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

So sad for the loss of your gorgeous Deja. Thanks for telling us about her last days which were so precious and sharing your grief here on DK.

[Jersey, Jasmine, Jypsy and Diane]

My heart goes out to you on the loss of Deja. It is so hard to lose a best friend. I hope and pray that your heart will be filled with all the memories of good times spent with her. ((Hugs)) Diane