Another Calendar Debacle!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My mom and I have always had a love/like relationship when my dogs are involved.  I love my Doodles and my mom likes them.  My mom isn’t a dog person and doesn’t really understand my fascination with dogs.  We are not sure at this point what kind of person my mom is, because dogs and babies are really not her thing.  Since Megan had her baby, my mom has taken to reminiscing about the pitfalls of motherhood.  Just the other day she was telling me she realized early on that having kids might not have been the best decision she ever made and she realized in the hospital with my oldest sister that she might have made a mistake. She then went on to add that she should have probably stopped with one and seemed oblivious to the fact that she was speaking to the number three child.  I am used to these musings by my mom, so I took no offense, and she did later add, “oh well, it’s fine now.”  I did, however, suggest she lose Megan’s number for awhile and keep her fond recollections of motherhood to herself or at least recollect with someone she has not given birth to or who hasn’t given birth recently. 

 

The thing I do take offense to is the fact that the other week when I was home and stopped at her apartment, the Doodle calendar I made her for 2014 through Shutterfly was covered by another calendar she got free in the mail.  I tried to give her a DK calendar last year, but she said she didn’t know any of the other dogs, so I had made one special for her of just Fudge and Vern.  When I asked why the calendar was covered, she said I had given it to her too late last year (before Christmas) and she had already been using another one to record 2014 appointments.  Apparently, she was too busy to take the time to move a couple of appointments to another calendar.

 

Today, I told her I was making another calendar for her and all she said was I had better get it to her sooner this year.  The thing is my mom’s and my priorities are very different.  I love having dogs and if I didn’t have to worry when we have to leave them when we go away, I would love everything about them.  Sure, there are days, just like when I had young kids, that I wonder what I was thinking, but mostly I can’t imagine life without my kids or my dogs.  I also know if someone gave me a calendar for a gift, even if it showcased something stupid, which Doodles are not, I would make sure the thing was hanging up when they visited.  I would not turn to the person who created a magnificent calendar for me and say, “sorry, it just didn’t work out this year.”  Oh, and then she added, “don’t I have a picture of John and you holding one of your dogs or something?” 

The picture she is referring to is one we did for a Christmas card and BOTH dogs are in the picture and it makes my heart feel all warm and fuzzy the way she seems to treasure that picture.  I am surprised she isn’t using it as a coaster for her coffee cup by now.  She also goes on and on about the new digital cameras and how nobody has any actual pictures anymore to show anyone, but when I asked her if she wanted me to have some printed for her, she said it was too much paper laying around. 

 

She told me again today that having dogs is too much work and in the next breath, said she has been having fun planning her funeral. Apparently, when my uncle died the comment I made about the hymns that were sung hit a nerve with my mom.  I have long judged a church by the length of the service and as a kid, used to read the bulletin and have a conniption fit if there was going to be both a baptism AND communion.  Even as a youngster I was impatient and used to grumble that I didn’t want to see some kid I didn’t know get baptized.  I also hate hymns with over four verses.  In my opinion, with some of the voices I hear singing all around me in Church, the Lord probably would be happy with minimal verses being sung and if the composer hasn’t made his point in four verses, then I am done.  Well, since I mentioned this all to my mom about long hymns, she has decided that she is taking a stand at her own funeral and putting it in writing what hymns she wants and what verses.  I told her she didn’t have to go to all that bother because I would be more than willing to shout out to the organist, “speed it up already, we have someplace to go.” In addition, she is also banning the liturgy and I commented by the time she got done with the details, we might just be singing one verse of Neil Diamond’s song, Hello Again, as we line up and walk by her casket and calling it a day.   She laughed and commented again that she found the whole process interesting and I just said, “whatever floats your boat, mom!”  

 

I am only telling you all this so you can see that what my mother says sometimes doesn’t always make sense to me, especially about my dogs.  Why would you want to look at some impersonal calendar instead of one of your grand dogs?  If I would ask her, all she would say is, “oh you and those damn dogs.” Oh, and to further make my case for the crazy mom, she announced at my uncle’s funeral that flipping the bird at someone is on her bucket list.  I just hope it is not me, when I hand her the Doodle Calendar at Christmas.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, LOL....yes, I thought that was a good call, too :) Thank you!

DJ, I am not so sure she does, but thanks for giving her that credit :) LOL

Lonnie, Remember, I said she is not a baby person, although she did say he was a cutie :)

Nancy, Isn't it amazing how many people love dogs when their parents did not? I think you are born with it, I really do. I swear my oldest daughter's first word was dog. I am so glad you figured it all out :)

Lynda, I hope you didn't miss the point of my blog...I was only poking fun at my mom and I never take her too seriously :) I am way lighter than you are giving me credit for and life is always enjoyable for me, but that doesn't mean I can't kid about my mom. Thanks, Lynda!!

Cheryl, Oh no...you mean there is somebody else just like my mom in this world? Yikes :) LOL Thank you!!

Becka, She is available at Holidays :) LOL

Donna, My mom wanted a petite daughter, so maybe someone was playing a cruel joke on her :) LOL

Janie, I love what Katie did with the journal, because you always think you will remember what was said and then you don't. This is a wonderful idea, although I hope Archer doesn't do it, because who knows what grandma will say that can be held against her :) LOL

Leslie, In person, she is very loving with F & V. She can't resist their charms. LOL

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

It has been awhile since we're heard any news about Mom....it's good to hear that she's doing just fine.  Good move asking her to refrain from making any calls to the "new Mom". 

[DJ & Chance]

LOL, Laurie.  Your mom is quite the character, thank goodness.  I imagine that she brings out the Fudge and Vern calendar when you aren't around because she know just how to get you going.

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

  I have the problem solved.  Give her an Archer Calendar for Christmas this year!

[Nancy and Georgia Brown]

I laugh at all of this.

My mom detests dog and cats-- she grew up on a farm and animals are dirty creatures. Asking her to pet my dog would be like asking someone to pick up dog poop with their bare hands.

My dad likes them but thinks they are disposable, in that if they have issues or problems you should get rid of it and get a better one.

[Lynda Kamrath]

Oh, well, let it be.  You are not going to change your mother.  My mother also is not so fond of dogs and thinks of them as outdoor animals.  She would never have a dog in her house and definitely not on her bed.  And she also is not so sure she really wanted four children - but she got them!  It all is the past.  Just make sure you make good memories for your grandchildren.  Encourage your mom to write down everything that she wants in her funeral, and then you can do that (or not).  Who's gonna know?  She won't be around to check you out.  And Laurie - lighten up and enjoy life.

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

LOL I love this blog, Laurie! Your mom and my mom must be sisters separated at birth … at least when it comes to dogs! The next time my mom says to me, "oh you and that damn dog" she'll have no idea why I'll burst out laughing.  I'd love to send her this blog but she'd totally miss the dog part and zero in on the "oh no NOT a communion AND a baptism -- can we leave now???? LOL 

[Becka]

Your mom cracks me up, Laurie. This is my favorite part: "Oh well, it's fine now." Thanks for the enthusiasm, Mom!

[Donna K & Quincy]

The only thing I can figure is that you were switched at birth, this can't be your mother.:>))) 

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

Why is it that our relatives, our parents in particular say the darnedest things! When Katie was little, every time we went on a road trip with my parents or vacation with Tom's brother and wife and kids, or whomever, on every trip Katie would bring a journal. Every time someone said something "memorable", she would write it down. It got to be known as the quote book and it started out in her little girl handwriting and she still does it to this very day. Everyone swears there's no way they'll end up in the quote book and every single relative is in there countless times over the years, my dear Dad in particular. Every now and then when the family is together she'll pull it out and these one liners bring us back to that moment in time and they are as hysterical as ever. It sounds like your Mom could fill a book on her own!