Do You Play Favorites?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

The other day I was talking to my mother on the phone and out of the blue she said she was talking about my dogs at the dinner table and told everyone that even though I won’t admit it, Vern is my favorite.  Her statement really made me mad and I told her that was simply not true and I feel just about the same way I would if she said I was playing favorites with my daughters.   My youngest daughter gets mad at me when I tell Fudge she is my favorite brown dog and always makes me add living to that statement because of our now deceased chocolate Lab, Hershey.  Since Vern is our first white dog, she has no problem with me telling him he is my favorite white dog, although if we had another dog of that color, I could just add dirtiest in front of white to make her happy.  I guess I shouldn’t say the word favorite at all because I don’t ever want to end up sounding like one of those people divorced after many, many years of marriage and upon their remarriage hear them say, “she/he is the love of my life and I have never felt this way before.”  Every one of my dogs has taught me something different and found a way into my heart.

I don’t know what led my mother to make this conclusion except for the fact that Vern is pretty much my dog who likes to give hugs and whenever he jumps up on the couch next to me and wraps those enormous paws around me, it makes me smile and I start telling him how much I love him. 

Looks like my daughter loves Vern, too!

I don’t hold it against Fudge that she is not as demonstrative, because I know she favors my side of the family.  I come from a long line of non-huggers and really was unsure at first what to make of John’s side of the family when I met them.  They like to kiss and hug and probably wondered who this tall gal was John brought home who was giving off very strong vibes that said, “Please do not invade my personal space and keep your lips and arms to yourself and we will get along just fine!” Over time, I got used to it and once I had kids, I found out hugs were wonderful and now I don’t go one day without hugging my dogs.  Some will say dogs don’t like hugs, but both my dogs lean into me and wag their tails and often times I will just say, “kisses,” and they line up.  I think for safety’s sake Fudge hangs back a little when Vern is moving in for his hugs and kisses, but she always moves forward when I call her name.  Vern, on the other hand, always wants to make sure that Fudge is not doing anything or getting anything that he doesn’t know about or get, too, and we always know he is going to push his way in and make any private time with Fudge a group event.  One of my favorite things about Fudge is she puts up with Vern and his “I’m here, so move over, Fudge!” attitude and still seems to adore her giant size brother, although when she has had enough, Vern gets the message or else.

Don't mind me, guys.  I'm just trying to see if I can find a fish!

I have two daughters. Maybe if you asked them they would say I did play favorites from time to time, but I also think it is “mother nature” to gravitate towards the child who is least likely to pluck your nerves that day.  It can change on a moment’s notice.  My best parenting tip is to silence the one who is screaming the loudest and hone in on anybody smirking in the background.  It is the smirker who delights in making the screamer scream and must be defeated at all costs by a mother seeking peaceful cohabitation.  Depending on the day and how much shrieking was involved, I could very well have picked a favorite between the two girls.  Both of my girls had big pluses and some minuses to their personality and I am only human.  One of my daughters loves to shop and can zero in on a bargain at fifty feet.  The other one walks into a store, glances around, declares there is nothing there to buy, and wants to know what time lunch is and how much longer we are shopping.  I have a definite favorite shopper daughter.  One of my daughters used to do all her homework herself and the other one would have been happy, if we let her, to walk in the door, hand you her homework and expect it to be done correctly by mom or dad by morning.  One of the times we sat together and tried to do it together, I felt like she was taking a perverse pleasure in continually erasing her work and prolonging the agony and I ended up snapping her pencil in two and yelling, “try erasing now!”  It was not my finest moment.  Oh yeah, I had a favorite homework daughter and due to my extreme impatience, those girls had a favorite homework parental helper and thankfully it was not me.

If truth be told, my daughters can point fingers at me all they want, but there were many times that they declared their father their favorite parent loud and clear.   Lots of times it was done in jest because they loved the reaction they got from their uber competitive mother, but I can’t be sure there wasn’t an underlying truth to their declarations.  I once schlepped three different sets of forty party favors each from Pennsylvania to Indiana for my daughter’s bridal party.  I had homemade Sand Tarts with labels that read, “Megan and Doc SWEET,” Philosophy 3-in-1 bath gel with labels that read, “Megan and Doc GEL,” and the best homemade nuts made by a friend with labels that read, “Megan and Doc NUTS.” 

I put a lot of hard work into that shower and on her special day, my daughter stood up with that famous smirk on her face and said, “I would like to thank my daddy for making this all possible,” and brought down the house.  It made me laugh, too, but she is lucky I didn’t stand up right behind her and say, “I would like to thank my other daughter, my favorite, for not being an ass.”

My dogs are much like my girls in that their personalities are so different and it makes my life more interesting.  I absolutely favor Fudge when it comes to her sleeping habits.  She is my dog that likes a nap and a good night’s sleep.  Vern, not so much.  Vern is my dog with far less nervous energy when we are out for a walk.  He might notice the guys throwing a Frisbee in the nearby field, or a dog a half a mile away, or the geese in the water, but his energy level does not shoot to Tigger "BOING, BOING," level at first sight.

No, that honor goes to Fudge and so that makes Vern my dog that is far easier to take on a walk.  Fudge never goes anywhere with my husband without first checking to see if I am coming, too.  She doesn’t hover or follow me around, but she does check on me from time to time to make sure I’m o.k. and a cough or sneeze brings her instantly around.  Vern jumps in the car with my husband and never looks back. 

 

Fudge is my dog and I am her favorite person in the whole world.  She makes sure I know it every single day.  Vern can be snuggling with me on the couch and if my daughter walks into the room, he thinks nothing of launching himself from my lap with no mind if my childbearing years are over or not.  Fudge doesn’t fully relax at night until I am settled in bed.  She likes to come back with me to the bedroom and sleep beside me while I am watching TV.  Vern saves his snuggling in bed for the winter months.  Vern’s fears bring out my motherly instincts and make me want to gather him in my arms all the time.  Fudge is fearless.  Vern loves to jump up next to me on the sofa and slap his mammoth paw on me to hold.  Fudge paws you to command you to continue rubbing her in all the right places.  I love the serious side of Fudge because when she cuts loose it is always so unexpected and makes me smile every time. 

She is the smartest dog we have ever had and I am sure she knows that my intelligence is no match for hers.  Half the time I have no idea how her little brain works or what she is thinking and truthfully, I am not even sure she is a dog.  Vern is all dog….big and goofy and what you see is what you get.  He doesn’t over think things and may be a bit of an under thinker, but it only adds to his appeal.

So, how do I pick a favorite when both dogs make me happy and both dogs can also drive me nuts?  The truth is, I can’t, and why should I?  Like my daughters, I wouldn’t want to be without either one of them.  Diversity is the spice of life!  I really am not responsible for what other people see or feel when they look at my dogs and me, but I can tell you, I know what is in my heart, and please don’t tell me I have a favorite.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, We all seem to be having technical difficulties lately :) Thank you for the nice comment. I am glad I made you laugh. My girls are polar opposites, too, in everything.

Thanks, Allyson!!

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

Love this one, Laurie !!

[Karen Kennedy]

sorry about that... I was having technical difficulties :(

[Karen Kennedy]

You made me laugh today, so fun to read about your funny doodles and daughters! I have sons and polar opposites at that. I love em both! And my Doodles too!

Karen

Sunrise Australian Labradoodles

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Bonnie. You always say the perfect thing!!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Wonderful blog and tribute to Fudge and Vern. They are delightful in their differences and you are delightful in your affection for both. No favorites, just lots of doodle love at your house. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, BG!!

[BG and Gavin]

I love this ode to two great doodles and two great daughters!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, I have to thank you for analyzing my mother and me. From now on, you are Dr. Ricki to me :) Everything you said made perfect sense. Plus, I know you mean I am her favorite child and BTW, she does play favorites. I think you have a new career. Now, if Tara was not your favorite doodle, I would be very concerned!

Deanna, Relationships can be a very tricky and touchy subject. I want you to know YOU are my favorite Deanna!  I think we can all learn from our parent's mistakes and that is why I know you will be forever sensitive to treating any and all grandchildren fairly :)

GBK, Thank you!  Aww....I love your description of your two dogs. I think mine are perfectly matched, too, just like Buddy and Kona.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

I have to be honest, at my house Tara is the favorite doodle. :)

I think what your mom noticed was you interacting with each doodle according to how they like to be interacted with because you know them so well. For some reason (probably because SHE had a favorite child) she interpreted it to mean that one was favored over the other. Yes, she was most certainly projected her own guilt onto you and your relationship with the doodles. That's my diagnosis.