Dear Bambi and Friends, TAKE A HIKE!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I am going out this morning to buy supplies to board up my house.  I haven’t decided if I just need brown paper to cover the windows or if I need actual boards and large nails, but I do know I need to make it so two Doodles cannot look out of the foyer windows.  

Curtains could work, too, but would be far less dramatic. I also know I need plenty of Sharpies to write some scathing messages on the boards or paper: Keep out or else, Beware: Elmer Fudd Lives Here, The Buck Doesn’t Need to Stop Here, or Restraining Order in Place for All Deer.   Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t mind deer and I have always loved the movie Bambi, but Bambi lived in the forest and not in the cornfield next to my house.  

Those are the deer that are now on my most hated list.  Granted it is tough being a deer in Pennsylvania, especially during hunting season, and that is why I hoped they would wise up someday and move to a place where hunting is restricted.  I have a van and I would be more than happy to help with the relocation process. Heck, Fudge and Vern could even lend out some of their costumes, if disguises are warranted. 

Oops, maybe not a good idea:

Do Pennsylvania hunters hunt monkeys?

This one might work better:

I don’t hunt, but desperate times call for desperate measures and I am prepared to do just about anything for a good night’s sleep.

 

Here is my problem in a nutshell.  Hunting season is in full force and I think the deer are mad. 

During the day they have to stay out of sight or end up as venison stew.  Nighttime is the only time they have to come out and take care of business and I think the cornfield next to our house is the new meeting field for the survivors.  I don’t know if they are discussing the day’s events…services for our deerly departed friend, Buck, will be held tomorrow night at ten…Stag Party Friday Night…Deerly Beloved, We are gathered here today to join Rudolph and Vixen… did you see the recent episode of What Not to Wear? They said to stay away from orange and camouflage….the deer stands you see popping up in the woods are not for those kind of shots.  We have had a couple of young bucks trying to order Jim Beam shots at the window and it didn’t end well.....but they need to take their business elsewhere.  They are waking up Vern every single night and he, in turn, alerts us vocally to their comings and goings and if that doesn’t wake us up he gets Fudge up.  The two of them then like to perform a dance number we like to call the “Can-Can we get out of this house NOW?” on our hardwood floors. 

What ensues next is a lot of barking, a whole lot of mumbling, maybe some cursing, and glares from the spouse who has to get up at the spouse who pretends he is oblivious to all of the above.  I usually step outside with the dogs in the hopes that I can contain the barking to a minimum or at the very least, scare off the deer with my middle of the night Rod Stewart hairdo. 

Usually the deer get the message and head on down the road, but they must be lacking in memory skills, because they keep returning. Night after night!  Surely, they can see a pattern between nightly visits to the cornfield and frantic Doodle barking.  I know I would hate to be at a party and have to move the location somewhere else right in the middle of a good time because some agitated person filed a noise complaint.  Take a hint, deer, and take a hike.  I would be more than happy to name names of some hunters in our area who would love some late night visits from a group of disruptive, deer friends.  You can wake up their household instead of ours.  If the buck stops here again, it could get ugly.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, LOL about keeping John well hydrated :) Deer jerky...oh deer! I feel I should start with something easier like sweet potatoes. Yes, I wouldn't want to accidentally make deer jerky from Prancer or Donner or Blitzen.

Bonnie, It is so hard to confine him, because he paces then. We used to have him in our bedroom, but that was just as bad and then we allowed him the whole house. He did better for awhile and now the deer have started this back up.  Our house has tons of BIG windows.  Tonight, he is up on the bed with us, which is fairly new, so we will see how that goes. Sometimes, I think he just wants somebody to be out where he is sleeping.

[Bonnie and Kona]

I was thinking a windowless room, maybe walk-in closet?

[Donna K & Quincy]

Oh Laurie, I feel so bad for you that your guards are a bit overzealous. Quincy is rather fond of moose jerky so maybe Fudge and Vern would like some deer jerky done in that unused dehydrator that Santa got for you last year. (Just be sure they're not Santa's reindeer)

I guess you had better keep John well hydrated if he has to keep spraying the perimeter. LMAO

 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Deer din't even make much noise, one of their good qualities.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, Obviously, there are some things we still need to work out :) I guess we are going to have to appeal to  Vern's good graces and ask him to sleep directly in front of the noise machine. LOL

[Bonnie and Kona]

So smart! How will you confine the night roaming Vern to a small area so the white noise can do its job?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Camilla, Stop bragging about Darwin...LOL!! Yep, I have our noise machine ready to go and tonight we are going to give it a try. Thank you!!

Bonnie, Camilla is a smart gal :)

[Bonnie and Kona]

Camilla, That's a stroke of jeanius for sure!

[Camilla and Darwin]

Could you maybe use a white noise machine so they wouldn't hear the deer? And Deanna, ditto with Darwin! :-)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, What a good memory you have. The problem is John won't move his car out of that garage to provide night time shelter for the deer. He can be stubborn like that and the other side is loaded with Christmas crap boxes :) I am doing what Sue said and getting Vern ear muffs. LOL