Fever

[The Kleins, Tempe, AZ]

Jess has had a fever that has been fluctuating for weeks. Today one of the doctors discussed the possible cause, fluid in the gall bladder. A needle inserted and will permit slow draining for six weeks. Was it the cause of the fever? No.

I have felt a little deflated today and I am fighting it to be upbeat. I am not upbeat. I feel like "Debbie Downer."

I witnessed a nurse move his arm (the one that was lacerated to remove blood that seeped from one of the cannula sites (Latin; "little reed" -a tube that is put into the body -- only this "little reed was like a garden hose) and saw Jess's face twist, head go back, and create a silent scream. Really too hard to take. Enough! He has been through enough! I want to protect him from the pain but I can't. His flawless skin has cuts and holes all over. And when he wakes up, who will drop the bomb and let him know, ah, you didn't have acid reflux?

Since they have had Jess under heavy sedation, they are going to lift it VERY slowly. Besides the fever, and a little irregular rhythm last night, he has been doing OK. No assist has been needed thus far except for medication and small wired pacers that had been removed. He has been on a special air bed and when they were finally able to turn him his back is great -- no sores. That is a win. All the swabs from the chest have come back negative so far. That is a win. I am grateful that we have overcome some hurdles, but I am so ready for him to wake up and be able to talk to me.

Did I mention our gardener decided to also have a heart attack the same week? I either need to find someone new or buy goats. Phoebe might like that.
Sweet Dreams -- I am counting on better news tomorrow. J and P.

[Susan]

Janet, this is GOOD news! Jess is holding his own, and slowly but surely making his way back to you, Phoebe and Hobbs. I know you woul take the pain away for Jess if you could, but as someone else said, it is good that he senses, feels and moves. I haven't noticed any goats for sale locally but will be sure to let you know if I do see some. Actually, my Lola might come in handy. She eats grass like a goat! It is amazing...maybe she could teach Phoebe and they could handle the lawn for you.
Prayers and hugs,
Susan

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Janet, I too can see a lot of postitive things in today's update. You are tired, scared, stressed, overwhelmed, and missing your soulmate terribly...but it sounds like Jess is getting better, and as the others have said, it will take time. You and Jess are taking baby steps, but you are still moving forward. That's the main thing. You are entitled to have days when you are not "upbeat"...that's to be expected. Rant, rave and vent all you need to, we are here to listen, understand, and cheer you on!
In case the goat doesn't work out, here's another idea for the gardener problem. There are always friends & neighbors who ask "what can I do to help", right? Let them. Tell one of your neighbors or friends in the area to find you a new landscaper...let them make the calls, get the information, prices, etc., for you. Then all you have to do is pick one and ask the friend to call & set it up. The people who love you would be happy to do that for you, I know. Maybe one of them has somebody to recommend.
Sweet dreams to you, Jess, and Phoebe, too.

[Marianne *OZZY & ZOEY]

glitter-graphics.com

[Missi]

So, I know you feel down, but I gather a lot of positive information from your blog today:
-Pain in the face- as hard as it is to see, it means he's neuro intact, and has feeling in his arms which he CAN react to, so minimal or no anoxic brain injury (a huge problem after being in his condition for so long). This means when the DO allow him to wake up, he should be able to!
-Pretty sure he's figured out himself that he didn't have acid reflux- sucks, but no need to buy tums anymore! I think when he wakes up he will be so grateful to wake up, I wouldn't worry about it. Plus if they have been giving him sedation breaks, he might remember more than you think....it's amazing sometimes what they hear in there!
-Pacer wires removed- so the docs think that his heart isn't going to go into a severe arrhythmia or slow down to the point of needing pacing.
-No IABP placed- hey, you were worried they'd have to place a balloon pump again, haven't yet!
-He's able to be turned- hey, has to be a lot more stable for the nurses to be brave enough to turn him...that's when scary stuff happens! Sounds like he handled it great.
-No bed sores- HUGE! Especially for being on his back for 3 weeks?! That is amazing. GOOD! As adrianne said, one less place for infection. Plus when his heart's all better, those nasty things linger! They suck, big time.
-Negative cultures- No known infection yet, biggest worry before transplant!
-Goats- Phoebe needs a friend closer to her size, poor Hobbes just needs a break! And the grass is payment enough for the goats, so it really is an economical decision. I think you should hire the one Lucy and Sophie's mom found, he seems to be available. Probably comes with good references, and you can hang him out to dry after it rains! :-)
Hang in there, Janet. No Debbie Downer! You rock...and Jess is lucky to have you. Don't wanna give false hope, but I really did find so many positive things in your story today, wanted to make sure you see them too. Baby steps of good, slowly. He's closed, he's off ECMO, he's off the BiVAD, HIS heart is doing the work. Lizzie and I send much love your way, please take a breath this weekend, and let someone else carry the world on their shoulders, even if just for a short while.

[Stella]

My thoughts to both of you, hoping that things continue to improve, even if it is slowly..... I've heard that goats can be just as good as any guard dog at protecting your property!!

[Beverly Wright]

Janet,
I know that you must feel so discouraged, but please please remember what the doctor said "getting better would be slow". We are praying still and hoping for good news every day even if baby steps! Love to you, Jess, and Phoebe!
Bev

[Jeri]

I have not been on site for awhile(packing and moving from WI to MI). Seems like there is improvement, although painful. Hang in there.

[Kim Williams]

Hi,
It sounds like everything is going FORWARD!! I have been reading your blogs each day and I have great hope for your Jess. It really sounds good that he has not needed assistance after he had surgery. I know how much you need to communicate with Jess, so that is what I will pray for.

[Adrianne Matzkin]

I know that you see all the negative but from where I sit and read every morning, there is always something positive - NO bedsores, which means there is no new place for an infection to set in. That's a fantastic thing. That is 1 less hurdle you will have to even think about much less overcome.
We are sending you hugs and prayers!!!