First Dog, First Child!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

It is strange sometimes what you think about when you are walking your dogs.  Despite being on high alert for groundhog holes, moving varmints, and in the case of Vern, men in lawn chairs, a lot goes through my mind when I am out with my dogs.  I have been a little melancholy lately thinking about my daughter living so far away in Oregon.  I hate it and with each passing day it seems as if there is no hope they will ever move closer to home.  They moved there for her job, but my son-in-law found a job he is in love with and when she mentions it, I always tell her he is the worst son-in-law I have ever had, since he had the nerve to find a great job.  Where are all the deadbeats when I need one?  She has a million excuses why they had to move to Oregon, “Mom, it is where I found a job….mom, it is our life……mom, we don’t want to live in your basement,” which all sounds like blah, blah, blah, to me.  The other day I told her that I guessed I would be the lady in the photo in her living room who her kids could point to and say, “who dat pretty lady?” and she started laughing and said, “who said we are going to have any pictures of you sitting around our house and it sounds like our kid will need glasses.”  

Sometimes, after we hang up the phone, I will call my husband and say, “do you remember 29 years ago when you couldn’t keep your hands off me and impregnated me? Well, I blame you for this whole Oregon mess.” only to have his self-preservation mode kick in as he answers back, “No, I am sure you have me confused with someone else.”  Certainly, no one can fault me for following up these exchanges with these thoughts,  “I look good in black.  I like cheesecake and dogs.  Why didn’t I try and become a New Skete Nun and live a more solitary life?”  

Like I said, I think about a lot of things when I am out walking and sometimes, my mind brings me back to my decision to have children and dogs.  Many people live happy lives without having either, so what makes those of us who choose to have one or the other or both, willingly subject ourselves to the worry, chaos, lack of sleep, messy houses, and hits to our pocketbook, decide to take that leap.  Did some of us just say to ourselves, “I am too chicken to try free falling sky diving, so what the heck, I am going to have kids or get a dog?” 

Once, a guy I played volleyball with told us he just went skydiving on his 21^st birthday and how terrifying it was and I looked him right in the eye and said, “you want to know terrifying, come to my house and meet my children at homework time.” Because as far as I am concerned, you can read every book ever written about parenting or owning a dog, but until you actually do either, you don’t really have a clue what lies ahead.  It really is a “learn as you go,” experience.

 

When I think about the difference between my oldest daughter and my first family dog, Hershey, I have to say the dog was easier.  The day I brought Megan home from the hospital, I think I might have turned to my husband and said, “now what?” I had never been responsible for the health and well being of anyone and what did I know about shaping her into a wonderful adult and an asset to society? She had colic for the first two months and I would call the pediatrician in a panic only to have him confirm that she was indeed colicky, tell me a couple of things to try, and offer me his sympathy.  Since I needed him to take my calls, I didn’t yell, “Colic….you don’t say?....what gave it away?….was it the ear splitting screams of an infant in the background or me sobbing into the phone and begging you to surgically remove my eardrums?” 

Up until the age of 2 months when it finally quit, if there would have been a “Kids R Stress,” store nearby with a return or exchange policy, I would have been the first one in line.  Finally, one day, just like that, Megan started sleeping through the night and I was getting more rest and soon I started to feel like I could handle most anything and began to believe that motherhood, while challenging, was also wonderful.   I have always liked to give advice, regardless of my qualifications, but I have learned over the years to wait until my own children are out of the room before I start doling out my advice to new mothers and letting them know I come highly qualified by saying, “yes, people always commented on what a natural I was at mothering,” because I just sound more credible if my kids are not standing behind me adding, “Sybil, can anyone else see these people?” or “have you given birth to any of these people?”

 

Getting that first dog, for me, felt like bringing that baby home from the hospital.  Sure, puppies and babies are just about the cutest things imaginable, but then all of a sudden you are responsible for another living being, your needs take a backseat to something that’s “no bigger than a breadbox,” and said being pees and poops a lot and neither are willing to clean up their own messes.  Hershey was easier to potty train and I had her going out in the yard in no time, but no matter how many times I said, “go potty,” to Megan on our frequent walks in her stroller, she would always wait to do her business just as I sat down to eat or had just finished dressing her in some adorable outfit.  If memory serves me correctly, it took about two and a half years before she was potty trained and I finally had to tell her she was going to have to get a job, get herself to the job in her Big Wheel, and start chipping in for diapers if she wanted to keep living at home. I felt badly about giving her an ultimatum, but sometimes parents have to make tough choices.

So, why do we do it?  Why are we willing to disrupt our lives for a baby or a puppy?  They are cute and they sure smell great, but boy oh boy, are they a lot of work. I really don’t know the answer, because I am not an expert, although I play one in my own mind, but I think we do it, because for some of us, we just long for the kind of relationship and love that only a child or a dog can give us and we can give to them.  Without sounding too sappy, love just makes us feel better, and who does it better, more exuberantly, and more loyally than a child or a dog. Besides all that, they make life fun and funny and you can’t buy that in any store. 

The weird thing is I compiled a list of the stages we go through with a new baby or puppy and lo and behold, it formed the acronym INSANITY!  Coincidence, I think not!

 

 

Stages of new baby/puppy

 

1)    I  –   I am having a baby or getting a puppy!

2)   N –   Now what?  I just brought the baby or puppy home!

3)   S -     Sleep deprived state of shock!

4)   A -    Asking a lot of questions, mainly “Why did I do this?”

5)   N –   Not gonna survive this – The Nipping/Teething stage!

6)   I  -     I can survive this!  I see why people make this leap!

7)   T -    Total capitulation!  I couldn’t love this being more!

8)   Y -    YAY and for some of us, yikes, I think I might do it again!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

J, Luna is a very cute "practice baby." LOL

Adina, I hope you are right about my daughter moving closer when she has kids :) I can tell you I truly enjoy my dogs more now that the kids are grown.  I loved our other dogs, but it increased MY workload and I was always so busy in those days. I know just what you mean. I am sure your kids and dogs are very happy where they landed :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

You beat me to it, F. I was going to say, let's rethink giving birth to a 6 month old, lol.

[F, Calla & Luca]

@ Adina. First don't feel guilty. I take the dogs walking only when we have a moderate temp. day. If they want to chase each other around the yard they are free to do so. Second, imagine delivering a 6 month old. Not a pretty picture.

[Adina P]

Great blog Laurie...gave me some random thoughts of my own:

1.  At least puppies come home closer to the equivalent of 6 months to a year...imagine if we got them right outta the womb!  I always wished I could give birth to a 6 month old :-)

2.  As much as I prefer to not live really close to my parents, now that I have kids I'd LOVE for my mom to live about an hour away.  It just doesn't seem right to raise kids in isolation.   I don't have any family close by and sometimes I just need my mom's help, company or babysitting.  If she could she'd buy a house next door yesterday, but it's not an option for her right now.  Hoping sooner than later, though.  Sometimes I just need a break and kids need grandparent time.  Perhaps if and when your daughter has kids she might decide she needs Grandma Laurie closer =)

3.  Having had dogs before kids and during kids...I'm starting to think the best time for dogs is when you're single, after the kids have been in school for a while and a few years after you've enjoyed some empty nest.  Having dogs AND small children is tough stuff....harder than I thought it would be.  There's just not enough of me to go around as my energy level is more like my lazy, mellow Rosco who walks out the back door at a snail's pace than my spinning, whirling Dervish Boca who practically decapitates herself trying to cannon ball out the first crack in the opening door.  I took both dogs on their first walk in ... ????  two nights ago.  There's just no spare time at all and the poor pooches have to be happy hanging out as we do our thing because there's not much left in me once the kids are in bed at night except a few pats and head rubs. 

[J and Riley (and Luna)]

We joke all the time that Luna is our "practice baby".  I listen to parents about their young children and I think to myself "hey, Luna does that too!".  

I think about 2 weeks after getting Luna, DH was about ready to go crazy.  He had never had a dog before and he was at about stage 4.  I was merrily putting up with her puppy antics and reassuring him that it would all get better ;)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Maryann, You hit the nail on the head. It is the same reason puppies come so cute....it gets us through so much....LOL!! Thank you!

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

awesome blog - been there, done that, but never ever said it so well.  I have often said of babies, God was so smart to make them so cute and smell so good.  He was especially smart to not let us see into the future, especially the teen years, because if we did, none of us would take the little darlings home from the hospital, no matter how cute they were.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Anna and Nancy!

Cheryl, Thank you!! I did it again, too, but I did wait to get our first dog until they kids were 10 and 8. You deserve an award for two toddlers and a puppy :) Yikes!! LOL  By the way, I would do it again, too :)

[Anna and Achilles]

Insanity, so, so true!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Finally had a chance to read this.  As always, it was entertaining.  INSANITY - definitely not a coincidence.