First Dog, First Child!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

It is strange sometimes what you think about when you are walking your dogs.  Despite being on high alert for groundhog holes, moving varmints, and in the case of Vern, men in lawn chairs, a lot goes through my mind when I am out with my dogs.  I have been a little melancholy lately thinking about my daughter living so far away in Oregon.  I hate it and with each passing day it seems as if there is no hope they will ever move closer to home.  They moved there for her job, but my son-in-law found a job he is in love with and when she mentions it, I always tell her he is the worst son-in-law I have ever had, since he had the nerve to find a great job.  Where are all the deadbeats when I need one?  She has a million excuses why they had to move to Oregon, “Mom, it is where I found a job….mom, it is our life……mom, we don’t want to live in your basement,” which all sounds like blah, blah, blah, to me.  The other day I told her that I guessed I would be the lady in the photo in her living room who her kids could point to and say, “who dat pretty lady?” and she started laughing and said, “who said we are going to have any pictures of you sitting around our house and it sounds like our kid will need glasses.”  

Sometimes, after we hang up the phone, I will call my husband and say, “do you remember 29 years ago when you couldn’t keep your hands off me and impregnated me? Well, I blame you for this whole Oregon mess.” only to have his self-preservation mode kick in as he answers back, “No, I am sure you have me confused with someone else.”  Certainly, no one can fault me for following up these exchanges with these thoughts,  “I look good in black.  I like cheesecake and dogs.  Why didn’t I try and become a New Skete Nun and live a more solitary life?”  

Like I said, I think about a lot of things when I am out walking and sometimes, my mind brings me back to my decision to have children and dogs.  Many people live happy lives without having either, so what makes those of us who choose to have one or the other or both, willingly subject ourselves to the worry, chaos, lack of sleep, messy houses, and hits to our pocketbook, decide to take that leap.  Did some of us just say to ourselves, “I am too chicken to try free falling sky diving, so what the heck, I am going to have kids or get a dog?” 

Once, a guy I played volleyball with told us he just went skydiving on his 21^st birthday and how terrifying it was and I looked him right in the eye and said, “you want to know terrifying, come to my house and meet my children at homework time.” Because as far as I am concerned, you can read every book ever written about parenting or owning a dog, but until you actually do either, you don’t really have a clue what lies ahead.  It really is a “learn as you go,” experience.

 

When I think about the difference between my oldest daughter and my first family dog, Hershey, I have to say the dog was easier.  The day I brought Megan home from the hospital, I think I might have turned to my husband and said, “now what?” I had never been responsible for the health and well being of anyone and what did I know about shaping her into a wonderful adult and an asset to society? She had colic for the first two months and I would call the pediatrician in a panic only to have him confirm that she was indeed colicky, tell me a couple of things to try, and offer me his sympathy.  Since I needed him to take my calls, I didn’t yell, “Colic….you don’t say?....what gave it away?….was it the ear splitting screams of an infant in the background or me sobbing into the phone and begging you to surgically remove my eardrums?” 

Up until the age of 2 months when it finally quit, if there would have been a “Kids R Stress,” store nearby with a return or exchange policy, I would have been the first one in line.  Finally, one day, just like that, Megan started sleeping through the night and I was getting more rest and soon I started to feel like I could handle most anything and began to believe that motherhood, while challenging, was also wonderful.   I have always liked to give advice, regardless of my qualifications, but I have learned over the years to wait until my own children are out of the room before I start doling out my advice to new mothers and letting them know I come highly qualified by saying, “yes, people always commented on what a natural I was at mothering,” because I just sound more credible if my kids are not standing behind me adding, “Sybil, can anyone else see these people?” or “have you given birth to any of these people?”

 

Getting that first dog, for me, felt like bringing that baby home from the hospital.  Sure, puppies and babies are just about the cutest things imaginable, but then all of a sudden you are responsible for another living being, your needs take a backseat to something that’s “no bigger than a breadbox,” and said being pees and poops a lot and neither are willing to clean up their own messes.  Hershey was easier to potty train and I had her going out in the yard in no time, but no matter how many times I said, “go potty,” to Megan on our frequent walks in her stroller, she would always wait to do her business just as I sat down to eat or had just finished dressing her in some adorable outfit.  If memory serves me correctly, it took about two and a half years before she was potty trained and I finally had to tell her she was going to have to get a job, get herself to the job in her Big Wheel, and start chipping in for diapers if she wanted to keep living at home. I felt badly about giving her an ultimatum, but sometimes parents have to make tough choices.

So, why do we do it?  Why are we willing to disrupt our lives for a baby or a puppy?  They are cute and they sure smell great, but boy oh boy, are they a lot of work. I really don’t know the answer, because I am not an expert, although I play one in my own mind, but I think we do it, because for some of us, we just long for the kind of relationship and love that only a child or a dog can give us and we can give to them.  Without sounding too sappy, love just makes us feel better, and who does it better, more exuberantly, and more loyally than a child or a dog. Besides all that, they make life fun and funny and you can’t buy that in any store. 

The weird thing is I compiled a list of the stages we go through with a new baby or puppy and lo and behold, it formed the acronym INSANITY!  Coincidence, I think not!

 

 

Stages of new baby/puppy

 

1)    I  –   I am having a baby or getting a puppy!

2)   N –   Now what?  I just brought the baby or puppy home!

3)   S -     Sleep deprived state of shock!

4)   A -    Asking a lot of questions, mainly “Why did I do this?”

5)   N –   Not gonna survive this – The Nipping/Teething stage!

6)   I  -     I can survive this!  I see why people make this leap!

7)   T -    Total capitulation!  I couldn’t love this being more!

8)   Y -    YAY and for some of us, yikes, I think I might do it again!

[cheryl & oliver]

Laurie u know how much I love your blogs or whatever we call these fabulous writings, but this one hit home for me, lol....I guess that when one reaches my age, (65) a lot of things go thru our minds when we walk our pets..I remmeber being so excited to be pregnant, and having our first baby!!!!...And then coming home and reality setting in...I thought he would walk down the aisle with a box of pampers and his bottle!!!...the no sleep, thed chaos, being so tired I wanted to cry, etc. etc. etc.  BUT for some reason I did it again, but this time I got smarter, when they asked me if I wanted the baby with me day and night when he was born in the hospital, I said "no thats ok, you can do the middle of the bnight feedings, I need my rest before I have to do it...AND then to start with a puppy?..Two toddlers and a puppy??? what was I thinking...Of course I was a lot younger then and a lot more adventurous...But to start with a puppy after the kids are gone, what was I thinking, lol, BUT ya know what?? I would do it all over again..young and old, that is the circle of life....Just this time, I know that a padded room would be a great idea for those little OFF days, lol...Thanks for the reminders, and thanks for the memories....

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I remember the first bath, too. In our case, they brought the babies to the room and after I had been in labor all day and spent a long time holding Megan, she went back to the nursery and then they came back about two hours later and asked me if I wanted my baby and I said, "no." LOL I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. Can you believe they still sent her home with me??

Christine, Oh, how lucky you are to be going to Paris with Camus and to be closer to your son!! What an exciting adventure!! I saved so much stuff from their childhood...report cards, notes, drawings, etc. and some day they are going to have about twenty boxes each to go through of all that stuff :) My little way of saying, "thank you for letting me be your mom." LOL  I love being a mother and dog owner, too, and wouldn't change a thing. I would say fate did step in giving you a son and dog with allergies! What are the odds?

Deanna, I remember all those "what ifs."Thank goodness we both paid no attention to them and went on to have kids and dogs :) Thank you for a wonderful comment.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Too funny Laurie and too true!  It brings back so many memories of me with my first born.  How standing in front of the big glass window with my husband at the hospital nursery, we locate "ours" and dh keeps scanning all the babies and then announces very seriously "well, ours is the best looking" - I laughed so hard I had to hold myself up with the wall, after all I had just given birth.  First bath time - I got so nervous that I'd drown him that I called my older sister over to give me a hand, lol.  I was barely 21 and what did I know? 

[Christine & Camus]

Another great post!  My story? I very much wanted children and since I pretty much raised my siblings I didn't think I would have any problems.  Only one child, marriage didn't last and I raised him on my own from the age of 5, actually from birth, but his father was around for the first 5 years, just not an active parent.  Nonetheless, after colic subsided, I think at 2-3 months, I was in heaven! Loved, loved being a mom particularly during the first 6 years  - then the adolescent - yikes!  Now he is an adult (we both survived) and far, far away in Paris and I miss him and my DDL so much, but soon, though not soon enough, I will be in Paris too - by invitation! And Camus, my darling sweet doodle will go to Paris with me.  So, the adolescent human period aside, I truly enjoyed being a mom.  I think the puppy stage of raising a dog is similar to the adolescent stage of human, both stages are totally unruly, but thankfully short.   Gave up his Big Wheel, but still have all of his Dr. Zeus books, star wars characters, matchbox cars, and more.  Of interest is my son had allergies and I had to home cook all of his infant food (went into anaphylactic shock from a mosquito bite)  and now I find out Camus is allergic to all kinds of things.  Is this where fate comes into play?

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

WAY BACK WHEN - when we were first married, we knew that we wanted child(ren).  I kept waiting for the "right time" - some sign from the baby fairy or stork or something.  My teaching career was off to a great start and I just wasn't ready to interrupt it.  However, my "sign" came when my OB/GYN discovered precancerous cervical tissue.  We froze it away, but he warned that it could come back, so if I wanted kids, I'd better get started.  Within a month or two, we were "in a family way".  At first, I was thrilled, followed quickly by absolute TERROR!  What if I turned out to be a horrible mother?  What if I couldn't bond with my child?  What if...?  Long story short - everything turned out fine!  The baby and I survived each other and thirty-one years later, we're doing the baby thing again only this time I'm the Oma!!!

Adding Sedona to our lives was very similar.  My husband NEEDED a dog to fill his retirement.  I basically went along with the idea, but was not too keen on having a dog "messing up my house".  What if she turned out to be a "bad"dog?  What if she chewed up the blinds or the furniture?  What if...?  Again, everything turned out fine - more than fine!!  Sedona is my love!!  I have absolutely no regrets - child or dog!

Great blog, Laurie!!  As always!!!   

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Nina!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jennifer, Jack is lucky to have you!

Sandy, I am so glad that Hattie makes your life so happy. I know the feeling and my pups are spoiled, too. I think the older we get the more we realized what really matters :)

Jarka, LOL....yes, you went to #8 and started over :)

Ginny, Don't tempt me with three dogs...LOL! Sometimes, I think, "maybe," and then my family yells, "NO!"  At least one of my kids is still at home. She many never leave :) I bet those puppies help with any kind of blues!

Karen, Thank you! I laughed at your last line. I know when my oldest used to come home from college, I looked forward to it, and then by the end of the summer, I was marking off on the calendar when she went back to college. LOL

Jane, Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I understand exactly what you are saying and I can see your fierce determination and great attitude every time you post about Murphy. Your kids and dogs are lucky to have you!! DH, too!

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

Again, another great blog Laurie!

[Jennifer and Jack]

Love this! I love being responsible for Jackl. I love making his life so happy...

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

LOL, great blog. I'm back to step #3 coming closer to #4...