First Dog, First Child!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

It is strange sometimes what you think about when you are walking your dogs.  Despite being on high alert for groundhog holes, moving varmints, and in the case of Vern, men in lawn chairs, a lot goes through my mind when I am out with my dogs.  I have been a little melancholy lately thinking about my daughter living so far away in Oregon.  I hate it and with each passing day it seems as if there is no hope they will ever move closer to home.  They moved there for her job, but my son-in-law found a job he is in love with and when she mentions it, I always tell her he is the worst son-in-law I have ever had, since he had the nerve to find a great job.  Where are all the deadbeats when I need one?  She has a million excuses why they had to move to Oregon, “Mom, it is where I found a job….mom, it is our life……mom, we don’t want to live in your basement,” which all sounds like blah, blah, blah, to me.  The other day I told her that I guessed I would be the lady in the photo in her living room who her kids could point to and say, “who dat pretty lady?” and she started laughing and said, “who said we are going to have any pictures of you sitting around our house and it sounds like our kid will need glasses.”  

Sometimes, after we hang up the phone, I will call my husband and say, “do you remember 29 years ago when you couldn’t keep your hands off me and impregnated me? Well, I blame you for this whole Oregon mess.” only to have his self-preservation mode kick in as he answers back, “No, I am sure you have me confused with someone else.”  Certainly, no one can fault me for following up these exchanges with these thoughts,  “I look good in black.  I like cheesecake and dogs.  Why didn’t I try and become a New Skete Nun and live a more solitary life?”  

Like I said, I think about a lot of things when I am out walking and sometimes, my mind brings me back to my decision to have children and dogs.  Many people live happy lives without having either, so what makes those of us who choose to have one or the other or both, willingly subject ourselves to the worry, chaos, lack of sleep, messy houses, and hits to our pocketbook, decide to take that leap.  Did some of us just say to ourselves, “I am too chicken to try free falling sky diving, so what the heck, I am going to have kids or get a dog?” 

Once, a guy I played volleyball with told us he just went skydiving on his 21^st birthday and how terrifying it was and I looked him right in the eye and said, “you want to know terrifying, come to my house and meet my children at homework time.” Because as far as I am concerned, you can read every book ever written about parenting or owning a dog, but until you actually do either, you don’t really have a clue what lies ahead.  It really is a “learn as you go,” experience.

 

When I think about the difference between my oldest daughter and my first family dog, Hershey, I have to say the dog was easier.  The day I brought Megan home from the hospital, I think I might have turned to my husband and said, “now what?” I had never been responsible for the health and well being of anyone and what did I know about shaping her into a wonderful adult and an asset to society? She had colic for the first two months and I would call the pediatrician in a panic only to have him confirm that she was indeed colicky, tell me a couple of things to try, and offer me his sympathy.  Since I needed him to take my calls, I didn’t yell, “Colic….you don’t say?....what gave it away?….was it the ear splitting screams of an infant in the background or me sobbing into the phone and begging you to surgically remove my eardrums?” 

Up until the age of 2 months when it finally quit, if there would have been a “Kids R Stress,” store nearby with a return or exchange policy, I would have been the first one in line.  Finally, one day, just like that, Megan started sleeping through the night and I was getting more rest and soon I started to feel like I could handle most anything and began to believe that motherhood, while challenging, was also wonderful.   I have always liked to give advice, regardless of my qualifications, but I have learned over the years to wait until my own children are out of the room before I start doling out my advice to new mothers and letting them know I come highly qualified by saying, “yes, people always commented on what a natural I was at mothering,” because I just sound more credible if my kids are not standing behind me adding, “Sybil, can anyone else see these people?” or “have you given birth to any of these people?”

 

Getting that first dog, for me, felt like bringing that baby home from the hospital.  Sure, puppies and babies are just about the cutest things imaginable, but then all of a sudden you are responsible for another living being, your needs take a backseat to something that’s “no bigger than a breadbox,” and said being pees and poops a lot and neither are willing to clean up their own messes.  Hershey was easier to potty train and I had her going out in the yard in no time, but no matter how many times I said, “go potty,” to Megan on our frequent walks in her stroller, she would always wait to do her business just as I sat down to eat or had just finished dressing her in some adorable outfit.  If memory serves me correctly, it took about two and a half years before she was potty trained and I finally had to tell her she was going to have to get a job, get herself to the job in her Big Wheel, and start chipping in for diapers if she wanted to keep living at home. I felt badly about giving her an ultimatum, but sometimes parents have to make tough choices.

So, why do we do it?  Why are we willing to disrupt our lives for a baby or a puppy?  They are cute and they sure smell great, but boy oh boy, are they a lot of work. I really don’t know the answer, because I am not an expert, although I play one in my own mind, but I think we do it, because for some of us, we just long for the kind of relationship and love that only a child or a dog can give us and we can give to them.  Without sounding too sappy, love just makes us feel better, and who does it better, more exuberantly, and more loyally than a child or a dog. Besides all that, they make life fun and funny and you can’t buy that in any store. 

The weird thing is I compiled a list of the stages we go through with a new baby or puppy and lo and behold, it formed the acronym INSANITY!  Coincidence, I think not!

 

 

Stages of new baby/puppy

 

1)    I  –   I am having a baby or getting a puppy!

2)   N –   Now what?  I just brought the baby or puppy home!

3)   S -     Sleep deprived state of shock!

4)   A -    Asking a lot of questions, mainly “Why did I do this?”

5)   N –   Not gonna survive this – The Nipping/Teething stage!

6)   I  -     I can survive this!  I see why people make this leap!

7)   T -    Total capitulation!  I couldn’t love this being more!

8)   Y -    YAY and for some of us, yikes, I think I might do it again!

[Ginny Nightingale]

What a great blog--it is my life too right now and my daughter is in Oregon too! I am in NY state so it is VERY far. AND she hates to talk on the phone--oh well! I have another daughter only three hours away (and I will see her next week) and a son who is spending the summer volunteering in Peru, so I know exactly how you feel--I had to get three dogs (also 2 girls and a boy) to make up for the empty nest--I too try to keep busy, but it is hard to be away from them, that is for sure! 

When I have a litter of puppies here, it is exhausting, but it surely cures the empty nest blues!!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Laurie, I love this blog. So much of it resonates with me. I remember riding home from the hospital with my DD and thinking "They are really going to let me take this baby home and take care of her? I am responsible for her? OMG!"

The dogs have all been much easier, and that's a very good thing, because I really don't think I could ever live without a dog.

As for the kids, it's feast or famine. I'm not sure which is worse, never seeing them, or having them living with you. I will say, I'd like to try the former.... just for a little while. :)

 

 

 

 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I have no deep thoughts when I'm walking my Doods.  I am way too busy looking for joggers, bikers, roller bladers, squirrels, chipmunks, (actually anything that moves) and especially people walking their DOG.  I need to be "ready" to manage Big Murph through these events.  I do have other times though when I think about kids and dogs and even DH (occasionally).  I'm very blessed because the kids and grandkids are living in State (although DD just recently moved back to CT).  I love seeing them and I'm grateful that they're here, but I know that could change on a dime.  With this economy they will go where the work is.  I try not to dwell on this, but I always keep it in mind so that I can really appreciate what we have now.  I really feel like I was born to have babies and puppies.  It's who I am.  I'm a lot of other things too, but I know that I would not have been truly happy with out my kids (furry and non-furry).  If I didn't have biological children I know I would have found a way to have them in my life some other way.  I still get my weekly "baby fix" as a Cuddler in our local hospital NICU.  Now I just have to find a way to get a "puppy fix" without actually bringing one into our home.  I think the thing that always got me through the "hard times" with the dogs or kids was knowing that it was temporary and that I did have control over a lot of it.  In almost every really difficult situation, I've always found at least some "pieces" of it that I could control (even if it was just how I was feeling), and that kept me from becoming overwhelmed.  Good blog, Laurie....you got me thinking.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Camilla, Don't do it.....LOL....just kidding :)

Allyson, It is so worth it and pretty soon, you won't know how you managed without baby Charlotte :) Your baby is going to grow up loving dogs, all thanks to your Choodle!!

Lisa, Oh, believe me, I am planning on becoming a burden to the one living in Oregon....LOL!! She owes me :)

Megan, I wish I could :)

F, I told you I was a genius. Only you would question the nuns and the dogs. LOL I could always be the first one, you know! My car thermometer said 109 degrees today and now it is pouring. Please Lord, cool us off :)

Lynda, Thank you!! My dogs are my best friends...as hokie as that sounds. I walk with them every day and find myself talking to them a lot. Now, if they start answering back, I have a real problem. LOL

[Camilla and Darwin]

Yep, those steps sound about right. I am in #8 right now. Oh no.... 

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I love it - INSANITY pretty much matches my emotions with Peri.  And after getting feedback from my very honest girlfriends, it sounds like this will be instore for me...I will be hitting the Now What in about 2 months.  What the heck do I do with baby Charlotte????  Thank goodness my friends told me that the S hits around 1 week and the A starts shortly thereafter - usually 2-3 weeks where you are crying thinking you have post partum depression, then the N is short after than then the I around 3-6 months.  Then cycle repeats with terrible 2's right? LOL.  But I agree...the "what was I thinking" almost always ends, at least for me and my choodle, with a fast forward to 3 years later, sitting on the catch thinking "this is the best thing I've done".

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

You know Laurie you could give up your lap of luxury, sell it all and move on the back lot of their property when they are all settled. There you have it - the answer to your woes. I happen to know Oregon is just like SE PA, they have lakes, an ocean nearby, even mountains and as an added bonus they have one of your two daughters. I am sure Hayley wouldn't mind uprooting her life to please you either.

LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog.

[FrenchPoodleDoodle]

We miss you too, Mom...P.S. You can always move to Oregon!

[F, Calla & Luca]

No wonder you are good at WWF, acronyms no less. For a minute the cheesecake and dogs had me because I'm not sure the nuns have anything to do with the dogs. No fraternizing with the monks you know. I do believe I'm at the NAY stage, N--No,I already did it. A--Age, I am too old for a baby or puppy Y--Yes, I am glad I did it though.

But I agree with Lynda, busy is better. If only it weren't 103 in Newark with a heat index of 1000 and severe storms on the way. Paperwork or decluttering, oh joy.

[Lynda Kamrath]

Love your posts!   My son is in Oregon right now too.  But the dogs keep me busy.  Off to swim and then a little shopping with my mom.  Obedience class tonight.  That is my release - just keeping busy.