Forsaking All Others, EXCEPT TV, Until Death Do We Part!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

First, let me start off by saying, I love television. I know some people think it is mindless entertainment and prefer other forms of more intellectual stimulation, but I am not one of those people.  Show me the new fall line-up and I experience something akin to pure euphoria.  I have lots of members in my family who feel the same, and I guarantee you if they measured IQ with TV trivia questions, we could hold our next family reunion at a Mensa convention. I could see us now all conferring, “I wasn’t sure if it was Lenny or Squiggy who had the hots for Shirley….Man, I think I missed the question about the name of the dog on My Three Sons.......Who played the gal who shot J.R?” Mensa would never be the same.

 

I grew up with a mom who liked TV and at age 85, still does.  When she had a bigger house, she had three VCR’s going at all times recording this show or that show. Personally, I think she developed high blood pressure from the stress of having to keep ahead of the shows she had recorded and thumbing through the TV guide each day in a frantic search to find more shows to record.  She was exhausted every day just trying to keep track of all her VCR tapes. At Christmas, we used to ask her what she wanted and she always said blank VCR tapes and then we would ask her just how much did she think we had budgeted for her Christmas present. I mean, come on, we are not the Rockefellers.

 

Even now, if you spend any time with my mom, you know not to bother her from 9-10 am because Matlock is on and between 11am-noon because she will be watching The Price is Right.  I can also tell you if I called her during The Price is Right and told her one of my kids had just won the Nobel Peace Prize, I know for a fact she would say, “Hold on, Laurie, they are just about to announce the show case winner.”  Recently, I was in Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and made the mistake of answering my phone only to have her launch into a tirade because President Obama had the audacity to interrupt her show to talk about the weather.  I tried to explain that maybe he felt warning the American public about an approaching Hurricane might be a little more important than watching people spin a large wheel, but it quickly became apparent that old people have different priorities.  My mom is a smart woman and keeps up with politics, but I would not be surprised one day to turn on my TV and see her marching in Washington DC with a sign that says, “Honk if You Think the The Price is Right Should NEVER Be Preempted for News Conferences/World Events/Weather Reports!!”

 

So, with all this TV viewing in my genetic makeup is it any wonder I married a man who likes TV too. Unfortunately, I can guarantee you if he likes a show, I will hate it and vice versa.  Whether this is by design so he can watch his shows in peace, or he really does care what Andy Rooney’s feelings are about umbrellas is something I can’t really answer. He, on the other hand, cannot understand how I can watch a show like Dancing with the Stars and get so invested in it that I am running around screaming, “I don’t care if the Pope calls. I am not taking calls during this hour!” The season Emmitt Smith beat Mario Lopez, I almost ended up in the hospital when Carrie Ann Inaba only gave Emmitt a 9, when he clearly deserved a 10.  My husband came back into our bedroom several times to see if some trash talking woman had found her way into our home and then backed right out when he saw the wild look in my eyes. He knew it was only a matter of time before I took my frustrations out on someone.  Once in awhile, when I feel Fudge and Vern have been exceptional, I might even call them Cheryl and Emmitt, which is high praise indeed.  

 

I know it probably seems silly to get so wrapped up in a TV show, but I am sure if everyone was honest they might admit there is a show or two that makes them as crazy as me.  God help me, if I have a major medical event during Antique Roadshow, because unless I am holding a just found letter signed by President Lincoln or a rare Indian blanket when I go down, my husband will not see me for the one hour the show airs.  Also, don’t you hate it when someone is watching a show when you call and instead of saying they are busy, tries holding a conversation when their heart is just not in it and their mind is following the show’s dialogue, not yours? It is just so obvious by their responses that they are not listening. The last time I called my daughter during Modern Family and told her I just had my mammogram that day and she responded with “that’s hilarious!” was a dead giveaway. When I said, “Let’s see how you feel when you go from a 36C to a 36 Long in 5 seconds,” all she said was “cool.” 

 

It is hard on the ego sometimes to come in second place to a TV show. I can understand if it is some momentous event, but week after week, I lose out to Norm from This Old House and I don’t kid myself that if my husband had to go out to dinner with just one of us, I would be dining alone.  I just cannot offer the same level of enthusiasm that Norm can about gutters and drywall.  I feel the same way about Simon Baker of The Mentalist, only I hope when we discuss Screwdrivers, Rusty Nails, Slow Southern Screws, and Velvet Hammers, we are enjoying a romantic holiday on a beach somewhere sipping them.

 

Over the years we have found that what works best for our marriage is if we just enjoy our own shows and don’t pressure each other to watch anything together. We came to this conclusion after years of trying to force the issue. I am not forced to come up with something witty to say during Antique Roadshow, although once when they featured a corn mold made of cast iron and used to bake corn bread, I did say, “I wonder how much dough that is worth?” and he sort of smiled. I don’t have to listen to comments like, “That teacher lady really ought to think about padding her bra, because that is one flat chested woman,” during the pivotal scene where Helen Keller’s teacher finally gets through to her about what she is signing.  For our family, TV is like a good game of Solitaire and we all know the only way to play that is alone.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, The evil twin takes a lot of vacations. I had to do all the walking myself. LOL Now, don't get me in more trouble with your DH and he starts up again wanting my DH's email :)

Linda, I think it is going to be a good season. Never got into The Bachelor, but I do love the updates Kelly does on Regis and Kelly..LOL!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

I LOVE Dancing with the Stars!  And the Bachelor (I hate to admit it).  Their success rate is dreadful.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Hey, tell your evil twin to take him out!!! LOL! I'll be sure to let DH know he is wrong about Cheryl AND to find out how he knows so much about HER....hmmmm....

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, So your DH knows Cheryl....LOL!! She did win with him and Drew Lachey and I loved both of them...hmmmm....maybe you have a point. She did not make Wayne Newton or Tom DeLay look good, so now I think your DH is wrong. LOL You are right about your Emmitt's name. OMD...now Vern wants to go for a walk. Doesn't he know I am on DK???

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

OKAY!!! Yes, now I'm getting it!!! OH MY!! But I wonder...is it true what my DH says? That Cheryl Burke can make anybody look good?

 Sorry, but I still think my Emmit Thunderpaws has your Emmit SMITH beaten in the last name competition!! LOL!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I am very proud of you that you know who the real Emmitt Smith is and I LOVED Drew Lachey. Those were the days, my friend :) I hope you are all caught up with your shows.

Deanna, I loved reading your response. Wow, a spread sheet and everything. You guys are some serious TV viewers...LOL!! Plus, not one, but two DVR's. I think I might be moving in with you. I am so sorry about your dad, but I do think your mom might win some kind of "most addicted" award. I guess after being married so long and having a serious stroke your priorities change. Is "Days of Our Lives," still on TV?

Allyson, I can tell you have not been married that long.....LOL!!! He must be nuts about you :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, Ricki, Ricki, Now, while that is not MY Emmitt, that is one big, beautiful Emmitt. Sure would make a guy feel welcome. I will not hold it against you that you are confused. In the future, my Emmitt has on sequins and goofy shoes :) Here is where it all began...first dance of the season. Be still my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziMwx4s5DM8

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Laurie - I so identify with this post.  For years, my husband and I were "separate, but equal" TV watchers.  Somehow, though, we are now in sync.  We rarely watch anything in real time - those pesky commercials are too much for us to handle.  Rather, we have our line-up on our DVR.  We can record up to two shows simultaneously, which generally works well - but every once in awhile there's a third show that NEEDS to be recorded.  That's where the 2nd DVR (back in the bedroom) comes into play.  This year my husband actually created a spreadsheet to keep track of the shows that needed to be set up to record so we wouldn't accidentally miss something important.  Deciding what to watch from the recorded list is a science in and of itself.  We figure that all the mental energy that goes into deciding what to record and what and when to watch kind of cancels out the mental drain that happens because of so much TV watching.

 

As far as your mom's TV habits, I can relate as well.  My mom has the "Price is Right" addiction, but she also MUST watch "Days of Our Lives".  A few years ago, Mom had a fairly major stroke, which caused some pretty serious language and cognitive impairment - but her "Days" addiction remained intact.  A sad, but kind of funny story exemplifies just how strong this addiction was:  A little over a year ago, my dad was quite ill, hospitalized, and clearly was not going to make it.  We needed to go to the hospital to meet with the doctors to determine exactly when to "let my dad go" and I wasn't sure how soon after the decision was made that they'd actually remove the ventilator, so I thought Mom should go with me in case she'd need to say her good-byes right then.  I told her why we were needing to go to the hospital.  Her response - "Can't it wait until Days of Our Lives is over?"     

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Allyson, I think your DH is getting in touch with his feminine side! :)

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I love it!  I have to admit that my DH is starting to like the Real Housewives series on Bravo. Last night I said "bet you don't want to catch up on New Jersey Housewives - we can go to separate rooms" and he said "no let's watch it!". WTD?  Weird DH.