Fudge and Vern Gone Wild!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Something is happening to Fudge and Vern!  They have been getting into all kinds of trouble lately and driving me nuts.  Yesterday, I tried to sell them to our neighbors for $1.00 each and they declined and when I dropped the price to two for a dollar, they still said no deal.  With the weather heating up, our walks have been shorter, which seems to leave more time in the day for their shenanigans.  Fudge has turned into a digging machine.  If I turn my back for one minute or try to talk to the neighbor, in a matter of minutes, all I can see sticking out of some hole is her backside. 

She is just getting started!

I am not even sure she can hear me screaming, “no digging,” because both ears are down deep inside the cavernous hole.  Truly, if some intruder tries to enter our yard via the new area John just added deer fencing to, the cops are probably going to have to throw him a rope to get him out of one of Fudge’s holes. Even the neighbor commented that she was digging close to the bottom of the deer fencing and I sensed panic in her voice because on the other side of that fence is her pristine yard.  God forbid I try and mow the yard, because if I leave her out in the yard unattended for two minutes, I am apt to come around the corner and see a yard that resembles the Badlands of South Dakota.

Part of the problem is I bought a new bird feeder, which the manufacturers should have actually called a squirrel feeder.  At times, I look out the window and I will have two or three squirrels hanging off the thing and some of their buddies stretched out in the yard waiting their turn.  The dogs have full view of this from our dining room and foyer windows and the sight of these squirrels amp them up.  If I open the door to let them out, it looks like the beginning of the Kentucky Derby when the horses fly out of the starting gate.  Too bad they haven’t figured out that all the squealing they do out the door is probably why the squirrels know they are coming.  I will have to say it is funny to watch because sometimes they go in the wrong direction and sometimes they split up to increase their odds that one of them catches a squirrel.  So far, the score is squirrels-102 and Fudge and Vern-0.  Unfortunately, once the squirrel rush is over all that adrenalin has to go somewhere and digging or hunting for chipmunks always seems to come next.

 

Between the squirrels and the chipmunks, I am not sure which is worse.  I always loved the cartoon Chip and Dale, but our yard chipmunks, not so much. 

Talking about this Chip and Dale:

I wouldn't be complaining if this is what I was talking about:

They run into our stone wall and I don’t know if they are between the stones taunting our dogs with, “na-na na-na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo,” but Fudge and Vern are obviously hearing, “stick your head between the stones,” because both of them will plaster their faces up against the stones for hours.

Either that, or they start their own demolition contest to see who can knock the most stones out and still not get a chipmunk.  Sometimes, Fudge just gets the work started and then brings in the big gun (Vern) to finish the job and he is good at his job. 

Wait until John gets home from work, Fudge and Vern!  Can you say SPCA?

Seriously, they could probably do less damage if they brought in a wrecking ball.  I think I will invest in some rubber mallets and invite the neighborhood children over to play “Whack a Mole,” only in this case, “mole” can be anything that moves fast enough to get my dog’s attention.

I just don’t remember having to be so vigilant with my children.  I don’t remember them destroying stuff or me ever thinking I was raising a couple of juvenile delinquents.  They even used coasters under their sippy cups and Vern can’t even drink his water without half of the bowl running out the side of his mouth onto my floors. Oh sure, there was that one time when our youngest was at her sitter’s and got in trouble for lighting matches, or so I thought.  It turns out a new girl to the sitter’s and our youngest had gone into the bathroom with matches or something and got caught.  Later, when I was going on and on to her about why she was never allowed to play with matches and how we had told her that time and time again and how disappointed we were in her, she looked right at me and said, “Mom, the girl had a lighter, not matches, ” like that should make all the difference in the world.  Our other daughter just had a mouth on her and my biggest problem with her was trying to keep a straight face when she said something I thought was funny, but knew as a responsible parent I should not be allowing. On more than one occasion, she said to me, “mom, it would work much better to your advantage, if when you are disciplining me you could stop laughing.”

So, am I really saying Fudge and Vern are harder than raising children?  I don’t know, but I can tell you, I never had to think about paying someone to fix a stone wall after they came in from outside.  We had green grass in those days, too, and our kids didn’t run around half the day trying to dig up rodents.  Fudge goes out every single day on a reconnaissance mission in search of enemy forces and unwelcome varmints and then gets her second-in-command, who is usually eating sticks or grass, involved.

Reporting for duty!!

Once the two of them work in tandem, all hell breaks loose. My kids usually worked against each other and were more than happy to tell on each other about something stupid like who ate the last piece of string cheese without sharing.  Divided forces are much easier to conquer! The kids did have a little problem with resource guarding, but usually if I said if I heard one more word about whatever it was they were fighting over that particular item would be going bye-bye, they were content to squabble amongst themselves. I also had a whole bunch of well used one liners and after awhile I think they just didn’t want to hear them anymore…If I cared about fair, I’d be a judge… if I wanted to hear both sides of the story, I’d sign up for jury duty….one more time and mommy is going to call Santa Claus.  Hey, whatever works, ok? This may also explain why my oldest called me yesterday to tell me my new ringtone on her phone is the Wicked Witch music from The Wizard of Oz. 

Today, when I call her and she picks up the phone laughing to my new ringtone, I plan on saying my new saying I just found on the Internet…have I told you lately you deplete me?…that will teach her to mess with her mama.  Who am I to say which is easier?  I guess like childbirth you try to just remember the good stuff.  Unfortunately for Fudge and Vern, when I look out over my yard, it is still too soon to forget.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

You had me at "Chippendales"....LOL.  We have one of those "squirrel proof" feeders, but they hang out underneath and catch what the birds drop.  I love the photos...F & V really are "partners in crime".

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Nina!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Marnie, I am going out now to check what kind of seeds we are feeding our birds. If it is not safflower seeds, I am getting some. Thank you for the tip :) Send me your address and I will try and round up all of our chipmunks and mail them to you. They are VERY destructive, especially in our stone wall. COME AND GET THEM....LOL!!

Joanne, I can't take credit for that line. I actually found it when I was searching for a "Bad Daughter" ringtone. LOL Tell Spud he is welcome anytime, especially if he can teach my dogs to exit the door quietly :)

F, I knew you could help me...LOL!! The bird feeder stands empty as I write. I figure the birds are on their own until winter :) Thank you for continuing to try and comment. I will delete the blank responses :) Fudge needs no help. We haven't seen a rabbit in our yard since she killed one. I guess Stewpid spread the word.

[Marnie, Stanlee's Mom]

I LOVE chipmunks and we don't have them down here.  Squirrels on the other hand.....I want to video Stanlee "out of the gate" when I open the door when the squirrels are on the patio eating the birdseed.  My favorite is when one dog goes one way and the other dog goes the other way and the squirrels go back and forth and back and forth until they finally realize the best direction is "up". 

 

p.s. my mom only feeds her birds safflower seeds and swears the squirrels stay away because they don't like it.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

PSS- Rock On, Doodles

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

PS- love that ringtone! But, You deplete me ( kids) is priceless

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Sending Spud! He hates to hunt alone. Am I am way to smart to add a squirrell feeder to the yard! Seriously, oh no you didn't!
I laughed at the visual of the Kentucky Derby though. Hey, I have been able to teach him to exit quietly to catch more squirells ( no, he has caught none)
Spud, also knows the name, Chippy. I use it often when I can't stand throwing a ball anymore

[F, Calla & Luca]

Geez, just when you are sure a comment won't go through it does. see below. Great illustrations. Needless to say, but I will, I have several solutions. Calla and Luca could help Fudge and Vern with their hunting skills. They haven't gotten a squirrel this season but their rabbit score is pretty good.
The next solution is don't feed the birds except with berries and that sort of thing. I hate attracting any four legged varmints. Hence my new bird feeder, I think that's what it is is purely decorative. I would add a picture but luckily for you that feature is absent.
.

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

Love your stone wall. Our fur kids like to dig for chippies too.