Hey Guinness, Can I Borrow Murph?

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Dear Guinness,

I was wondering if I could borrow your baby brother for a few days. I know it will be hard for you to part with him for even that long, but we have a problem at our house and I need Murphy to help us fix it.

Guinness, we have bugs!!!!! Lots of these shiny buzzy bugs that fly all over the place- they're even called "flies" 'cause they fly around so much, and they land everywhere! Mom says they are filthy and she is going crazy trying to get rid of them.

It started last week. It has been really hot here and there are lots more bugs than usual this year. And my mom's grandson (I guess that makes him my nephew?) goes in and out all day long with his friends, and they leave the garage door open. The garbage is in the garage, and the flies started coming inside the garage and then inside our house! They come in all the doors! I go in and out a lot, too, and every time any door opens, more flies come in! My mom has already killed about two million and they're still not gone! We got new garbage cans, but the flies still come in!

I don't really care if we have flies or not, even though they're supposed to be dirty. Dirt does not bother me. But my mom walks around all day with a rolled up magazine or this other thing called a fly swatter in her hand, smacking flies, and I don't like that. (Please don't tell anyone 'cause I am embarrassed, but it kind of scares me when my mom suddenly whacks the wall or the doors with the magazines and the fly swatter. I know my mom would never hit me, but it scares me anyway.) Sometimes she bangs it against the window and it makes a really loud noise; I am afraid she is going to break the window! Plus, it takes up too much time! Every time we're getting ready to go for a walk or play ball, my mom sees another fly somewhere and has to go get something to whack it with! This morning there were three flies in the mudroom and I had to wait for my breakfast while my mom smacked them! She says a lot of bad words when she does it, too. (Don't tell anyone about that, either.)

Our cat used to catch bugs and eat them, but she is really old now and doesn't move around so good. Then I remembered my mom said that your brother Murphy likes to eat bugs! So could I please borrow Murphy to come here and eat all the flies? I can help him reach the ones that are real high up. I don't have any money, but I will send you some of my toys to repay you, Guinness! And Murphy can see how it feels to be the littlest dog in the house for a while, that might be good, too. It probably won't take very long, maybe three or four days, and then you can have Murph back! And my mom will stop walking around smacking the walls and pay attention to me again!

So what do you say, Guinness? Can I borrow your baby brother for a while?

Your friend,

Jackdoodle

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Hi Jack, Guinness again. I think I'll wait till later to tell Mom that we're sending Murph to visit you and Aunt Karen. She's not in a very good mood. She's sick and she promised to take all the grandkids to the Amusement Park for the day. She's a little "stressed"...Murph & I are going to Daycare. I wouldn't mind going to the Park, but I guess we're not allowed. I did remember that last year when we were at the beach there were flies on our porch. Dad found this thing that looked like a little tennis racket and he used to "zap" the flies. It made a zzzzzz noise and then they were dead. Mom didn't like it too much because she said it sounded like we were "frying the flies" and that was mean. Dad used to do it when she wasn't around. Maybe your Mom could find one of those and then you wouldn't have to hear the sound of the rolled up magazine....I know that must be scary for you. Later Dood.....

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

Oh no Jackdood - that sounds like a nightmare. I eat bugs too. I wish mom would let me come up to see you and eat some bugs.
Luv LadyP

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Hey Jack!
Sorry I didn't get back to you last night....this definitely sounds like an emergency situation at your house. My Mom has a really bad cold, so she laid down with us to cuddle. Then she fell asleep....and it was still daytime! That was it...she never got up again to check out DK. This morning she read me you posting. JD, YOU CAN HAVE HIM...keep him as long as you want. How about a month...maybe two? I need a vacation from this Dood....bad. He's always trying to push me around, and he thinks he owns the place. He can jump up and get anything he wants...he always gets to sleep on Mom's bed. I can't get up there unless Mom picks me up. He wants ALL the toys for himself. He piles up the antlers, and won't let me have any. He puts my whole head in his mouth and makes "mean noises". It doesn't scare me, but I hate it because my head gets all wet and slimy. So yes, Jack, he's yours for as long as you want him. He will do a great job. He loves flies! He's not too quick on his feet (not like me), but our flies are a little slow, so he's usually able to get them. He likes to play with them for a while before he actually eats them. The worst part is that then he comes over and puts his filthy "fly mouth" on me! Yuck...disgusting. I am worried about one thing though, JD....my Mom. She loves my big, little brother. Even when he's being a goof, she still loves him. I'm worried that she might get really lonesome for him if he goes to your house. I don't like it when Mom is sad. Oh well, if it's only for a few days, she'll probably be okay. So, it's settled. Just let me know where to send Murph. Don't worry about money....I'm willing to finance this trip. I know where Mom keeps the $. Actually, once when I was just a puppy I found the thing that she carries around (she calls it a purse) when we go on our road trips in the closet, and I took everything out and started to chew, chew, chew. It was really fun...way better than antlers. That's when I found out where she keeps the $. So, have a great day.....Murph is on the way. Tell your flies to be afraid....very afraid.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I can't imagine that there wouldn't be bats. It would be interesting to check out. And thanks for making me feel better about all the webs outside my house.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I have never seen bats in this area, even when I lived next to the woods. Everything else that flies, just about, but not bats. I'll have to look them up and see if there are any in this area. We do have predatory birds, but i don't know if they eat flies. They sure don't eat the darned cicadas, judging by the volume lately!
I'm kicking myself for being so obsessive about clearing away every spider web I see on the porch and the outside of the house. They may be unsightly, but maybe some of these !**!@*! flies would have been caught in the webs.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Poor Mom, poor Jackdoodle. Maybe you could gets some of the kind of bats that fly. We know they eat mosquitoes but we're not sure whether they're into flies. Our mom gets so excited when she sees them because they have become really scarce in NJ due to a disease of some kind. We all like to watch them at dusk when they flutter by. Anyway, that's the best we can suggest except mom says she remembers seeing these strips that caught flies in the olden days. They sound like fun but mom says the are gross.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Ooh, Achilles would be very welcome here as well! Send him right over, we can have a fly-catching party when Murph shows up. And then they can go to Camilla's house. You will need to get Achilles an appointment book!

[Anna and Achilles]

If Guinness won't give up Murph, Achilles can catch them mid flight and will not give up until he does. Rather Obsessed! We joke that instead of toys we will get him flies.

[Camilla and Darwin]

I'm going to have to hire Murphy after you. The worst part about summer here is that flies always seem to be everywhere! Darwin is useless, he shows no interest in helping me eradicate them... :-)