Home! Sweet Home!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have two OLDER sisters.  They love to travel.  I have two dogs and my sisters have none and I often wonder if therein lies the difference between our adventurous spirits.  I am perfectly content to stay home with my dogs and have no real desire to see the Seven Wonders of the World. Based on the definition of wonder in the dictionary, One that arouses awe, astonishment, surprise, or admiration; a marvel…The emotion aroused by something awe-inspiring, astounding, or marvelous…An event inexplicable by the laws of nature; a miracle, I am fairly certain I would come up with an entirely different list anyways.  Besides, they keep updating the list, adding to it, and making up new lists, but I still never see anything like a TJ Maxx or Target grand opening added to it and I know for a fact I find those events to be a marvel and awe-inspiring.  What about if I woke up one day and found the trash taken out and the dishwasher unloaded without me threatening to strike, I would consider that to be a miracle.  I guess what is wondrous to one person, might not be wondrous to another and that is the case with my sister’s recent trip to Machu Picchu in Peru.  In all honesty, when I was viewing all of her pictures, I did think it looked like a unique place to go for an hour, but she was there for three weeks.  Besides, I could stay home with my dogs and just say I have been to Peru and no one needs to know I mean the one in Indiana.

Can anyone tell me where the Mall is located??

My two biggest concerns with visiting foreign countries involves two things, the import and export of food from my body.  It is the food challenge part of Amazing Race that would always trip me up.  I might be able to bungee jump off a bridge in some far away location, but the first time they asked me to dine on cow lips or live octopus, I would just look directly into the TV cameras and say, “I’m out.”  Heck, it wouldn’t even take that exotic of fare for you to see the last of me.  They could ask me to eat a steak rare or escargot and have the rest of the cast stand around and scream, “LOSER,” at me and despite my extreme competitive nature, I would have no problem munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as they took me back to wherever the losers go when booted off the show.  

One of our first grocery shopping trips together, John thought it would be funny to put a cow tongue next to my purse in the grocery cart.  What he didn’t take into consideration was the healthy pair of lungs I have and the fact that when I find myself touching any bovine body part unawares, I have no inhibitions about letting out a blood curdling yell and swinging my arms in self-defensive moves that would make Chuck Norris proud to know me. He still laughed, but he now saves those kinds of fun times for more private moments.

So, imagine my horror, when my sister and brother-in-law told me that while in Peru they dined on the local fare of Guinea Pig.  First of all, I am one of those people who walks into Red Lobster and immediately wants to free all the lobsters in the case. Never would I select one of those lobsters and be responsible for its demise, but my sister let me know that this similar selection process is how a guinea pig supper is handled in Peru. 

Most of the time while she was trying to give the details, I was screaming, “You are a guinea pig killer!” and “How could you?” over and over again.  This is something right out of a horror film to me and I can’t even imagine being stuck in some country for three weeks and trying to figure out what side dishes go best with guinea pig and how to get the hell out of there earlier than anticipated.  She knew I would be appalled and I stressed how disappointed I was in her husband and her and all she said was, “It is what the other people were eating.”  I imagine this is what the survivors of the Donner party said when they were rescued, “everybody else was doing it.”  All I could think of was my mother saying while I was growing up, “If your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you follow along?” I can see now I am the smarter sister because I would have thought logistically this made no sense because A) I didn’t drive and B) we lived in Indiana, but it is clear now my sister would have found a way to jump.

 

If that wasn’t enough disgusting food facts, her husband mentioned the beer and they had a picture of a woman that made the beer.  Now, I am no expert on the beer making process, but apparently he saw a show on TV that showed the actual Peruvian process and one of the steps involves moistening and milling the corn in the beer maker’s mouth and then spitting it into the beer. 

They say this process happens before the beer is brewed, but frankly, I don’t care.  If I was a newly elected official, one of my first acts in my new job would be to make food double dipping a punishable offense and sentencing would include some sort of restraining order that the convicted double dipper must remain 50 feet away from all salad bars, dips, bowls of prepared food, and salads, for the remainder of his/her years.  I would not even be opposed to some sort of Double Dipper National Registry to alert party planners who they should exclude from their guest list.  We could call it the DDIPSHIT registry. (Double dipping is positively stupid, horrid, icky and tacky)  In other words, I take this very seriously and even if I drank beer, I would pass on the beer in Peru and urge others to do the same.

The other thing she couldn’t stop talking about were the toilets.  I knew when she flashed a picture of them and just by the sheer fact she even brought them up, that it meant trouble.  They sounded like little more than pit toilets with a box placed conveniently nearby for the used toilet paper.  Even the word toilet grosses me out, so the rest of the details were, in my opinion, unnecessary.  Apparently my sister, along with making bad vacation choices, also has trouble reading body language or understanding English, because despite the fact that I was all but covering my ears and humming loudly went on to tell me that she has a wonderful travel agent in case I was interested in going.   I am sure it does take a special skill set to talk people out of going to plush resorts in favor of a location where the altitude is so high it is hard to breathe, you are dining on rodents, and boxes are set up next to the toilet for the used toilet paper in case the Tums you brought along didn’t help with the dinner.  I am not sure what is next for my sister. Maybe her great travel agent can book her a fun trip to Transylvania, where the guide, Count Dracula, encourages you to drink the Bloody Marys or the Bloody Whatevers, depending on the name of your traveling companions.  All I know is I made a mental note to myself to never go to a foreign country with my brother-in-law and sister for fear we would wind up stranded and starving somewhere with the travel group and have them all standing around pointing at my meaty thigh and hearing my sister say, “Sorry, Laurie, but the group insists.”

 

Heck, who am I kidding?  Even though some members of my family think I should broaden my horizons, I am no more interested in going to Peru than I am to Vietnam with my daughter and son-in-law. My son-in-law is Vietnamese and my daughter thought it would be fun for us to all go to Vietnam at some point, but luckily her father-in-law had already told me it is very hot there and they had a lot of snakes. Since I have spent most of my fifties being hot and I hate snakes, I told her I would have to pass.  Some things are better left to those adventuresome types and maybe someone far different than myself who doesn’t long for the comforts of home and a couple of Labradoodles after only a few days.

Here are the guinea pig killers with the shirts I bought them for Christmas. I wanted them to write 50 times I will not eat guinea pigs and hold it up, but I had enough trouble getting the shirts on them.

and here are my sister and her granddaughter....the granddaughter is guarding her little pig just in case grandma is hungry

 

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Laurie, I'm looking at your pictures again and those guinea pig shirts are just... well...downright creepy a little strange!! LOL 

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

I always assumed that the picture on the bag meant that it was food FOR guinea pigs but maybe i'm wrong and it is FROM guinea pigs...

It says "made from Hand Selected Timothy Hay"  Maybe Timothy Hay was the name of an unfortunate guinea pig

 

 

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

F, I love your photo :)  Calla looks like she's trying to figure out where they are supposed to be and Luca is like "so we're late for class, who cares!"  Isn't that just the way life is:) 

[F, Calla & Luca]

You should try it sometime.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, Culturally insensitive....I don't like the sound of that and think it is just a nice way of saying I am a dufus :) LOL  My mom didn't serve any weird stuff, but John grew up blocks from me and his mom served tongue and heart! BUT neither of us ever sucked on a marrow bone.....LOL!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

The movie would make PBS seem like light hearted fun I think. The doodles are very smart but lazy, hmmm, sounds familiar. And you, Miss Laurie, are culturally insensitive. Well, you came from a sheltered midwest background. My dear mom served the tongue and marrow bones. But I would not eat chicken hearts, I have standards you know. Actually I don't like most things that look like the organ they came from but the tongue was sliced and just looked like meat :-) 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Deanna, I say we keep on cruising :) LOL  Beef tongue--YUCK!!

Camilla, Thanks!! I knew you were normal :) LOL

Cheryl, LICE....OMD. Almost as bad as eating guinea pigs...YUCK!

Gail, KFC for me, too!

F, You also chewed on marrow bones...just sayin'

Amy, I had better keep Fudge and Vern away from her. She did just say they were allowed at her house to visit. Now, I am worried :)

Thanks, Lisa!! Tell Cindy I apologize for my family :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, NYC sounds fun, but that movie, not so much! Sounds like a PBS special :) LOL I did not realize how smart your Doods were!!

Adrianne, Your dream vacation sounds just like ours....but I watch reruns of Law and Order, SVU :)

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Cindy, my long haired Guinea Pig of my youth is yelling down from the heaven's NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I am with you on the weirdo eating stuff - blecccccckkkkkk!

Love the family photos.

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

I had a guinea pig as a pet when I was younger and I can't even imagine eating one let alone picking out which one I would dine on.  That is just gross.  Let's just hope your sister doesn't go some place where they eat dog!