It's a Whole New World! (Nothing to do with dogs and everything to do with new technology)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

This blog doesn’t really have much to do about dogs, except I think of lots of these things while out walking with them.  It’s when I do my best thinking and lately, I have been thinking that I’m falling farther behind with all the new technology.  Hayley and I went on a road trip this weekend to North Carolina to visit my grandson and everything about the GPS I used got on my nerves.  I remember the days when we just used a map and the hardest thing about it was figuring out how to re-fold it when we were done. Now, I have a woman shouting, “recalculating” over and over again when I refuse to go the way she tells me.  I found myself yelling at her to shut up and today I actually told her I was going right when she told me to stay left and when Hayley said I would be then going the wrong way, I told her I was tired of someone telling me what to do. Hayley, of course, told me my reasoning made no sense, but I felt empowered for just a moment…right before I stayed left.

 

As often happens on road trips, a trip to a rest stop is inevitable and caused me yet again to reflect about “the good old days.”  I hate the automatic toilet flushers because I don’t think I have ever entered a stall where the timing goes off without a hitch.  I want to flush my own toilet, when I want, and not have the thing go off as I enter the stall, or stand up and have nothing happen.  Unlike Dr. Oz I am not one of those people who likes to see more than I have to in the bathroom.  All I want is to be in control of my own destiny and have toilet paper that comes out willingly and is not governed by some locking mechanism designed by a “two square” miser trying to save a penny or two.  If I want to use the toilet paper equivalent of a teepeeing job on the White House that’s my business.  When I go to wash my hands, I do like the automatic faucets, but hate the hand dryers that do not dry your hands. Those dryers give a whole new meaning to “wet pants,” because that’s usually where I end up drying my hands.

 

I remember when we took Megan car shopping and the first car we looked at was used and had the handles you rolled down to get the windows to open. Megan looked at them like she had just landed in another realm and said, “What’s this thing for?” When I finished explaining what the crazy crank did, all she said was, “I don’t like this car.” This is exactly how I felt at her house trying to operate their television set.  I was in over my head and needed help. Most people operate their TV with a remote or by pushing buttons on their television set.  Doc and Megan have their TV connected through their X-box and operate their TV with verbal commands.  Megan can turn her lights off upstairs with her cell phone and when I say things like, “in my day, we walked a mile to turn off our upstairs lights, “ they usually start laughing and ask if I slept in a barn loft and used a candle snuffer. 

 

Anyways, I volunteered to babysit for Archer and before they left I was given a short lesson on operating the TV using voice commands.  Inwardly, I was thinking, “how hard can it be? I know how to yell at stuff,” but in reality, I learned later, I should have paid more attention.  I also decided that X-box must be a man, because it seemed to have selective hearing and the ability to ignore my directions completely.  Before they left, I told them to put the TV on Law and Order: SVU and it said there were 13 episodes loaded, so I thought we were all set.  I figured grandma would have the place running like a well-oiled machine by the time they got back.  That positive attitude and confidence lasted for about ten minutes right up until the time I made Archer his bottle and liquid starting pouring out of the bottom.  It has been a long time since I have been a mother, but in my day, bottles had two parts…the nipple and the bottle. Now they have about 5 parts and I inadvertently left off one part of the bottom of the bottle, which seemed to serve the purpose of keeping the milk in the actual bottle and allowing Archer to drink directly from the nipple. It seemed the part I left off, changed the bottle into a sieve and I did not think Megan was going to like it if she came home and found Archer crying from hunger and covered in milk.  Once I got that situation taken care of, I decided to tidy up the kitchen and run the dishwasher.  I have a dishwasher. I know how to operate a normal dishwasher, but their dishwasher would not start. I even tried yelling, “start, dishwasher,” in case it was hooked up through the TV, but nothing made it go and then the worst thing happened. 

 

All of a sudden, after I had watched several Law and Order episodes, the TV stopped playing and it flashed me a message, “Do you want to continue watching these episodes?” WHAT??  It was like my mom was in the room saying, “that’s enough TV for now.”  So, I did what I thought I was supposed to do and said, “X-box, yes…..X-box, continue watching….X-box, turn the damn TV back on,” and nothing worked. Nothing I yelled worked. That message stayed on the TV like a reminder that this new smart world was too smart for me.  I got on my phone and called Doc, Megan, and then Hayley and not one of them would answer their phone.  It has long been a mystery to me that all my family members have phones attached to them like lifelines, but never answer the phone when I call.  Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Hayley called back and passed the phone to Megan and in between all the muffled laughter I heard when I explained the emergency, Megan told me to use the controller like she had showed me before they left.  Huh?? What controller?? Turns out beyond verbal commands, there was an additional controller that looked like something found on a fighter aircraft used to eject oneself prior to crashing and I could only wonder how all this was easier than just operating a TV remote.

 

Of course, when they got home, all of them continued to say that I had been given all the instructions needed to operate the TV before they had left and finally I said, “X-box, shut them all up!”  For the rest of the weekend and all the way home, I continued to say things like, “X-box, change dirty diaper….X-box, start car…..X-box, change radio station…X-box, tell Megan to put a sock in it,” until I think I made my point.  I may be dumb in some ways, but I still know a thing or two about getting in the last word. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

BG, I loved him and it was my favorite part of that show. Thanks!!

Lucy, LOL...I just spent another week at my daughter's and ended up watching a whole season of Alias...mainly, because I didn't know how to get any other shows. 

[Lucy , Alex and Madison]

Very funny!  I try to keep on top of my own Tv remote when my husband adds new devices or else I end up in No TV land all day.

My 16yr old son had the living room tv hooked up to his x-bx-box for a time and I was constantly asking him for help, which he gave reluctantly and made me feel pretty ancient.

I have visited friends to watch a movie and they had 3 different remotes and no clue how to get the dvd player going!  Had to call her husband who was out of town.  Never did work so we went to my house to watch it.   Another friend had her husband set up the dvd to play, but he left and she could'nt get the dvd out of the player. We had to call her husband.  Why can't everybody have the same remotes!

[BG and Gavin]

Lol. I think you should apply for the late, great Andy Rooney's old job.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Janie. I like the Toll Roads...usually the bathrooms are better. LOL

Joanne, LOL...OMD, don't tell Doc...that could be next. Yes, I HATE those toilets :)

PJ, Thank you!!

Deanna, I would not like that feature in my car. Glad it got turned off for you. I guard my TV in the bedroom. I don't want any newfangled contraptions added to it. LOL

F, The sad thing is John has shown me a bunch of times :) It's like PBS...I lose interest quickly. LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Jennifer!!

F, Programming....that does not sound fun :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Lori.

Sue, Hi there :) Hopefully, Archer can help Grandma out soon. LOL

DJ, Thank you!! I spend a great deal of time trying to make things work :)

Leslie, Your comment made me laugh, because it could be true :) 

Sheila, I left mom a Kindle. Should be interesting. LOL I give it a day before she throws it at someone :) I take my laptop. Didn't even think about watching a movie on it. LOL I thought I posted Archer shots....hmmm..

Michelle, Thank you so much. What a nice thing to say :)

Thanks, Gail. The worst weekend I ever spent was when my DH went out of town and we lost power. OMD. I was clueless. It was so bad, I wrote TWO blogs about it.

http://www.doodlekisses.com/profiles/blogs/my-husband-is-never-goin...

http://www.doodlekisses.com/profiles/blogs/my-husband-is-never-goin...

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

Luddites Unite! 

LOL! very funny blog and all too true! 

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Oh Laurie, you are so right. It's just too much sometimes! What I find really funny though is if you had a 3 year old in the house, they would be able to run every electronic device without a hitch! You hit the mark with all of this. 

[DJ & Chance]

One of your best, Laurie, and all your blogs are wonderful.  I remember the days of the record player without an electronic arm, and our overly programmed environment often drives me nuts because I can't figure out how to make things work.  

[Bonnie and Kona]

Oh Leslie! I think you are on to something here!!!